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[Esper] Shokuhou Misaki

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[Esper] Shokuhou Misaki Empty [Esper] Shokuhou Misaki

Post  Kisaragi Anko on Sat Aug 24, 2019 9:45 pm

Shokuhou Misaki

Level 5 Mental Out

[Esper] Shokuhou Misaki Shokuh12

『Technically, that's how I'm listed. But since I can alter memories, anything is possible ☆』



FULL NAME: Shokuhou Misaki.
OTHER ALIAS: The Queen of Tokiwadai ☆ Mental Out ☆ The Number 5.
CURRENT AGE: 14 years.
GENDER: Female.
OCCUPATION: Student.
SCHOOL: Tokiwadai Middle School.
FACTION: The Clique of the Queen of Tokiwadai.



APPEARANCE: ‹Is this really a middle schooler?› As ridiculous as it may sound, but a lot of people ask themselves exactly that when meeting Shokuhou Misaki. Her long honey-blonde hair, reaches beyond the length of her mini skirt. Its split in the middle like a pair of wings, while bearing a glossy, sparkly and healthy structure. She is a natural beauty, which becomes fairly evident once you see her soft facial features. With very light toned, yet not pale, skin and eyes like golden gems the girl has the appeal of a noble lady. Yet her eyes aren’t simply unique for their colour, but also the strange star-shaped pattern ornamenting these. Against any assumptions this is actually a condition she has been born with. Unlike the expectation you’d have towards a 14 years old middle school girl, Shokuhou Misaki’s body is equipped with alluring curves, manifesting in a voluptuous chest and high region. Otherwise her body appears to be slender, yet not too tense in terms of their physical structure.
On the other hand, her choice of clothing is forced to adapt to a strict set of rules as enforced by Tokiwadai Middle School. Therefore, you will not find Shokuhou Misaki wear any kind of make-up, unless for truly special occasions. Additionally, she will almost always wear her school uniform. In summer she will therefore wear a short-sleeved white blouse underneath a light brown west bearing the red and gold school insignia on the right chest side. This is always combined with a grey miniskirt and brown leather loafers. During winter, the uniform will instead consist of a long sleeved white blouse with a red ribbon-tie worn underneath a light brown blazer in similar design to the summer-vest. Unlike in summer, the grey skirt is ornamented by red criss-cross lines and made of slightly thicker and thus warmer material. Adding a touch of her own, Misaki prefers to wear a set of long white gloves and stockings. Both are designed to quite long, so that the gloves will end right before her elbow while the stockings reach up to her thighs, only leaving a portion of flesh exposed before the skirt begins. Much like her underwear the stockings and gloves are ornamented by a spider-web pattern, covering their respective ends.
Finally, you will never see her without her favourite handbag, a classic golden pochette bag with a red star embroidery, two handles, one large and one small zipper as well as a golden chain serving as the carrying strap. While many would assume the bag is not that spacious, it does in fact contain her entire collection of remotes alongside her other everyday items.
HEIGHT: 1.63 metres.
WEIGHT:  55 kilograms.
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: In a sense Shokuhou Misaki just sticks out like a sore thumb. Not only was she naturally blessed with that glossy honey-blonde hair only a foreigner would have, but also a really well developed body for a middle school student. On top of that there are her golden eyes which boast a starry pattern unseen in nature. These facts alone can lead many to question just what kind of goldmine her gene-pool is.
Outside of her appearance she also has a unique habit, by overusing the word ‹ability› in her everyday speech.




PERSONALITY: 
The School’s Idol 
Summarising Shokuhou Misaki’s presence is a seemingly simple task. She is a beautiful, refined lady with all the qualities of an idol that allow her sit atop the popularity scoreboard of Tokiwadai Middle School. Basically, everything you see about her is perfect, be it her honey-blonde hair or the perfect body lines that make women and men alike drool. That image of absolute perfection which earns her the admiration of everyone knowing her name, is most certainly one of her most important treasures. So important, even, that she would ensure for nothing at all to harm it. The means she’d take to accomplish include constantly keeping the act up, lying and ensuring that no one ever remembers a wrong thing about her ☆.

Quirky 
Have you ever read shoujo manga or looked into the idol culture? It’s all about cute girls with quirky behaviour tropes. Just going to an anime convention, an idol concert or walking down Akibahara’s streets will show you what that means. And honestly that is somehow what Shokuhou Misaki’s behaviour seems to be inspired by. Her awareness of her position as a public figure has lead her to talk flashily, assume flashy poses and be in all ways too overbearing for your regular human being. Some would assume it is just a cover for her true self, but in the end she is just too annoying to warrant finding out.

Tyrannical Queen 
The Queen of Tokiwadai is one you really do not want to mess with. Following the famous quote ‹with great power comes great responsibility› at first seems really unsuitable for the #5 Level 5. She would use her powers for so many pointless and minuscule purposes such as maintaining her public status as a queen. This entails punishing her underlings for minor mistakes by forcing them to go through childish ridicule, such as eating mountains of sweets. Further, she wouldn’t shy away from erasing the memories of anyone who has had the chance to catch sight of her many flaws. In terms of her territory, the queen of Tokiwadai does not take things too lightly, either. After all, she has made sure that no other clique formed on the school grounds would ever rival hers. After all, if it was to happen, she would simply stomp the embers before they could grow into a fire.

«With great power comes great responsibility» 
No matter how overboard her abuse of her powers may appear, she is never entirely irresponsible. In reality, she will always carry the burden of ensuring that no harm ever comes to the people she controls. Even with her childish shenanigans there is always a limit to what she makes people go through. That girl simply has a natural drive to work towards a positive outcome. Would she go as far as to keep tabs on any person she ever controlled? Most certainly. The innocent have to keep their innocence, after all.

Ice Queen 
Still, the Queen of Tokiwadai with all her flashiness is just a front to a darker reality. A turn of events that is hardly surprising given her role as one of the seven Level 5s in a place as messy as Academy City. Being used to all that darkness looming in the shadows of the capital of science, Shokuhou Misaki is a cold and calculated person equipped with the capabilities to survive in this jungle.

Broken and reassembled 
To call Shokuhou a strong girl would be naive. Having outlived a Child Error facility, the death of someone close to her and the point of wanting to commit mental suicide, that girl has had all suffering imaginable weighing down on her. And yet she still stands. Only thanks to a certain someone’s intrusion into her life, leaving her memories so fond she would never wish to sacrifice any of those.


A good person at heart 
Ultimately, Shokuhou Misaki is not a bad human being. Her methods might be ruthless, cruel and sometimes against ethics, but her objectives never were. Justice is something she has an understanding of, even if her definition of it is not fully aligned with the mainstream perception. Her biggest flaw and most positive characteristic is that she cannot let suffering come to any of those who are undeserving. Rather, she is exactly the kind of person who would step in to prevent disaster whenever she can, going as far as to take everything on herself – just like a certain someone…

LIKES: 
Organic foods ☆ luxury ☆ spoiling herself ☆ lazing around ☆ being in control ☆ putting herself above others ☆ teasing others ☆ the ojou lifestyle
DISLIKES: 
Misaka Mikoto ☆ sports ☆ being bored ☆ Academy City’s darkness ☆ admitting her own weaknesses ☆ non-organic food ☆ Kumokawa Seria ☆ scientists
STRENGTHS: 
High Intellect
Shokuhou Misaki’s power is one that has great tactical value. Given that, she herself has to naturally be someone capable of grasping said value to make good use of it. She may have her shortcomings, but her mind is not among these. Exceeding the expectations placed on your average middle school girl, she is capable of designing complicated plans or understanding the most tiresome enigmas. In fact, this girl is among the list of Academy City’s greatest schemers.

Team Ruler Player
The value of other people and their respective skills is undeniable to her. Being quite limited by her own skillset Shokohou has learned how to make use of others depending on the situations she encounters. A single bee can accomplish only little, but a whole swarm can drive away even the greatest predators. Thus, while she may be a bit too commanding with her role as the Queen, this does not take away the fact that she highly capable when working in a group.

Vixen of the School Garden
Facades are her everything. Standing above others is good. But to fortifying said position is even better. Thus, Shokuhou has worked hard to craft a facade of her own, built on a fundamental capability of lying and deceiving others. Fortunately, she seems to be a natural at these.

WEAKNESSES: 
Just Unathletic
The Queen of Tokiwadai has a dark secret: Her athletic specs are less than non-existent. She cannot run any distance, cannot lift an overstuffed shopping back or dodge an incoming ball even though it is being tossed right at her face in plain sight. Oftentimes reaching levels of ridicule, she is basically the epitome of the sheltered girl type.

Working Alone
Standing up for herself is a tough job. With her ability being one that is heavily reliant on people it is obvious that working alone is not the best option for her. As such, she is fundamentally required to have people work by her side – even though the voluntariness of the action is of no concern.

Admitting Weaknesses
With how eager she is to polish her image, it is fairly obvious that she is not the type to admit her own weaknesses. Factually spoken, if any of these would ever reach the surface she would either make sure to erase the memory of these or simply overshadow it in a cutesy pouty way.

Distrustful
Throughout her life Shokuhou Misaki has experienced the worst in people. To make matters worse she has the absolute ability to pry into anyone’s head at just the press of a button. There is no secret she cannot uncover, having lead her to learn the hard way that many people aren’t as trustworthy as they seem to be. Thus, if she is unable to confirm it herself, there is no way she would ever trust another person at all.



HISTORY: The life of Tokiwadai’s Queen is a mystery. While there are countless rumours in motion, no one knows anything. Is there even anyone in the know? Or has she gone all the way to make sure that enigmatic air would boost her person even further?

Her childhood ever since entering Academy City had been devoid of joy. It all started when she was recognised as a highly capable Esper holding a rare ability. From there on she was moved into the care of ‹The Clone Dolly Lab›, a large scale laboratory uniting multiple research branches underneath its roof. There she would have entire research team dedicated to working on her. The research in question had focus points: One was the act of cultivating her ability. The other the creation of a ‹device› called ‹Exterior›. However, while the experiments regarding Exterior went on, young Misaki was asked to take care of another child living in the facility, but serving a different research path, on the sidelines. That girl’s name was Dolly. The researchers had asked Shokuhou to help heal the girl’s mental wounds after their original friend had apparently turned their back on her after taking a glimpse at the gruesome truth behind the experiments surrounding her. To do so, Shokuhou would overwrite the girl’s perception to believe that she was her precious friend ‹Mii-chan› instead. While originally being opposed to the idea and facing the girl with a sense of distance, she would find herself growing attached to her over the course of their time together. Attached enough for it to hurt when the girl’s condition suddenly worsened. She would leave her life just as quickly as she had entered it. Yes, Dolly had died.

That shock was all it took for her to fall apart, yet also reform herself. Finally, beginning to exploit the fine mechanisms to bypass the security the researchers had imposed upon her, Shokuhou would dig deeply into the truth behind everything. A truth not limited to the experiment revolving around Dolly, but everything that facility had to hide. In case of Dolly she learned that the girl was a prototype clone based on the DNA of a girl called Misaka Mikoto. Apparently, the researchers had not only been aiming to mass produce geniuses but also been aiming to build an information sharing network between similar clones. What stuck out here, though, was the cruel and entirely calculated treatment the researchers had given her – assuming that her life was only worth as much as your average guinea pig. The true purpose of the Exterior project, on the other hand had been to make the powers of the Mental Out freely accessible to anyone. Naturally, these were only two truths of hundreds. Truths so gruesome and disgusting no living person would ever believe any of that. However, now that Misaki knew, she would deal with it. Assuming control over the laboratory by means of her ability, the girl would ensure to end ‹the Clone Dolly› lab’s schemes, freeing the inhabitants of the facility in the process. However, the Exterior Project would not end there. Instead, Shokuhou herself would ensure that the device would be further developed, yet at the same time protected from the wrong people.

In the end she, too, would leave the laboratory behind. Her path would lead her to Tokiwadai Middle School, where she was destined become the school’s future idol. A change of life that would be underlined by the official announcement of her shift to Level 5. Glorious days seemed to be ahead of her. However, during the summer of her first year in middle school things did not look anything like that. In fact, that point would actually become the lowest of her life. Build upon the experiences she had made in the past with the Dolly incident’s scars still fresh, she was but a human wreck, close to ending all that suffering with her own hands. However, that would have only happened hadn’t it been for that one accidental bump into a random stranger who had – she still swears it was like that – a toast in their mouth and was running to an appointment hurriedly. While she didn’t pick up much on that person she would find their cheap flip phone among her belongings afterwards. Not knowing how to handle the situation she simply handed the phone over to Anti-Skill for them to deal with the rest.

Still, that wasn’t how it had changed her life yet. Things would simply go down the same slope they had before, with her ultimately hitting rock bottom. Lying down in an abandoned forest area at a lake in District 21 where she was sure nobody would find her, she was preparing herself to erase all of her memories in an attempt at easing herself of that terrible pain. However, just as she was about to do it, a certain person – this time with no toast in their mouth – would step into sight, unknowingly stopping her in her tracks. That tiny stupid argument the two of them had there may have had zero value back then, but would grow to one of her fondest memories over the course of time. From there on the number of their random encounters would grow rapidly, turning what had been an off-note acquaintance into a proper bond that was worth cherishing. On one of these many occasions that person would hand her a cheap plastic whistle they had apparently been given at a school related event, speaking utterly cheap but most-cherished words: «Use it if you’re in trouble. It might give me more chances to save you.» Thus, while of little material value, the whistle itself would become one of Misaki’s greatest treasures, simply for what it stood for in her very mind.

Shortly after, the #5 would find herself chased by Deadlock, a fanatic group of people whose advance in the Power Curriculum Program had come to a standstill. Putting the idea of assassinating their enemy, a Level 5, above their own lives, their kamikaze attempt nearly succeeded. But only nearly, as a certain Level 0 stepped in, fighting to «protect a girl with tears in her eyes». It was a brutal fight, but in the end Deadlock would find defeat at that person’s right hand. Still, that very victory hadn’t been anything to celebrate, had the wounds of battle left on her protector been fatal. They hadn’t died, yet in some sense they still had. When the ambulance arrived, she had been forced to help the medics by cutting off that person’s sense of pain by means of her ability. This, while helping the person’s survival, would not prevent lasting damage to come upon their brain. However, this damage was not the kind to actually bear any effects on their daily lives. No, all it did was rob them all all their memories and the ability to ever make new ones of exactly one person: Shokuhou Misaki. Again, Shokuhou would lose everyone she had truly cared about. Again she would be alone.

Still, there was one thing left to her: The memories of her own.

Building upon her past, Shokuhou Misaki would continue to become a true queen, developing into the person she was today. With there not being a chance to regain what she had lost, she would not let anyone’s sacrifice for her go to waste and move forward. Never letting go of those precious days she had spent with both Dolly and…



RANK: Queen.
LEVEL: 5.
MENTAL OUT: The most powerful mind related ability in all of Academy City. Mental Out does not simply enable her to read minds, control them or shape them. No, it allows all of that and more. While oftentimes wrongly assumed to be based on bio-electricity control, Mental Out is actually based on the manipulation of moisture. Fundamentally, it enables its user to manipulate the secretion of chemicals along with the distribution of blood, cerebrospinal fluids and any other liquids found in people’s brains. A skill that also makes it possible to indirectly control a person’s bio-electricity by manipulation of just the right conducting liquids.

Mental Out’s user can do just about anything with a human mind. Memories can be rewritten as easily as entirely new ones can be implanted. Dangerous traps like Mental bombs can be set up to trigger at certain target words, possibly shutting down another target’s mind in mere seconds. Even a person’s very perception can be altered according to the user’s imagination. Beyond that, however, it is also possible to fully control another person, not limiting itself to commands but also allowing a direct takeover. It gets even scarier once you realise that the ability is not limited to be applied on the brain itself, given that it is rooted in moisture control. As such Shokuhou is also able to read memories caught within a third party object by drawing on the moisture caught therein. Using this, she is for example capable of retrieving the last 24 hours of memories stored within a doorknob in order to identify who has entered and left the room. So to say, Mental Out is the absolute mental power tool.

However, there are multiple drawbacks to it. The first of these directly stems from the fact that Mental Out is this absurd power tool, forcing Shokuhou Misaki as its user to develop a system to counterweigh the difficulty of navigating through its full potential. For the sake of aiming it appropriately Misaki uses remote controls as figurative guide. To trigger her ability on any target she has to point a remote at it and press a button. Furthermore, she also uses different remotes to underline the difference between abilities by a difference in physical shape of her targeting device.
To make it even more easier to handle, she uses a self-designed system of labelling the possible applications in so-called ‹categories›. Each category defines a different application with differing levels of detail. Such a category can be invoked by also announcing its name, purpose and effect. While there is no actual requirement for Shokuhou to invoke it verbally, it does seem to ease the act of focussing on the ability’s application. Examples for the categories are as follows:

    ☆ Category 005 – enables Shokuhou to trace a mental ‹bomb› hidden in the target’s consciousness. Said ‹bombs› can be dangerous mechanisms leading to the breakdown of an individual in case a certain trigger is invoked.

    ☆ Category 011 – enables Shokuhou to make the assigned target answer to all questions they are asked with only the truth.

    ☆ Category 030 – enables Shokuhou to knock the target unconscious for a defined amount of time.

    ☆ Category 044 – enables Shokuhou to extract the memories from an object she touches with a defined body part.

    ☆ Category 081 – enables Shokuhou to set herself or others up as another individual in the target’s perception.

    ☆ Category 109 – enables Shokuhou to set an individual up as a target of protection, the victim has to defend at all cost.

    ☆ Category 220 – enables Shokuhou to instill a target with a defined emotion towards another person or object.

    ☆ Category 330 – enables Shokuhou to influence the temporal perception of another person for a defined amount of time.

    ☆ Category 401 – enables Shokuhou to reset the mind of an individual to a defined state it had been in in the past.

One additional drawback is the fact that, while Mental Out works on both humans and objects (at least in terms of extracting memories), it leaves animals and anything non-organic entirely unaffected. This means Misaki is neither able to read an aggressive dog’s mind nor control it. Similarly, the involvement of un-piloted machinery can possibly stop her in her tracks, as there is no human aspect to them. When faced with those all she can really rely on is throwing one of these countless remotes. Not that she is good at throwing in the first place.

Another limit is imposed upon her in the form of numbers. The most important being that she can only fully control 10 people at the same time. While, she can increase her influence by making targets automatically fulfil pre-defined commands, that is still limited to controlling only 100 people simultaneously. In terms of overall reach, Shokuhou is required to aim her remote control at the targets, enforcing a basic requirement of a line of sight between her and them. At least, once she is in control, her reach seems to go all across Academy City.

Lastly, her AIM Diffusion Field, too, has a passive effect. While other Espers, such as pyrokinesis users will emit heat or Electromasters static, Shokuhou Misaki does passively mess with other people’s minds. As such her AIM Diffusion Field will naturally lead other people to feel a positive inclination towards her, possibly branching into admiration, mercy or respect. However, even if this feeling is forced upon others, they can easily suppress it by pure will-force.




OTHER ABILITIES:
Exterior 
Originally meant to enable anyone to wield the power of the Mental Out for the sake of controlling the geniuses in the world, Exterior is now Shokuhou Misaki’s personal plaything. The device itself was created by cutting out a portion of her cerebral cortex. That piece then was cultivated and enlarged until it would become larger than a human body itself. Therefore, Exterior takes the shape of two gigantic brain halves connected to large scale machinery required for both maintaining as well as controlling it. Given this state a large scale facility was build around it. To ensure the gigantic brain is never abused, all memory of the facility has been purged while extreme security measures have been taken to ensure both its secrecy and block all unwanted access. As a result the entire facility filled with traps, while direct access to the device itself demands passing through a highly secure registration process.
Currently, the main application of Exterior is to serve as an enhancer for Shokhou Misaki’s abilities. By simply connecting to it through a mind-link the girl is capable of increasing the reach of her Mental Out to now control thousands of people across countless of kilometres simultaneously. Using it like this will naturally force a heavy toll onto her, making it unfeasible for long-term usage.

Mastermind 
Holding onto the most powerful mind related ability, it is not all too farfetched that Shokuhou’s mind is a wonder machine itself. In fact, the #5 is one of the most cunning chess masters in all of Academy City, easily rivalling that belly-exhibitionist of an old hag working as the brains of a member of the Board of Directors. So, while she is not a combatant, she can take over the mantle of a commander. How she fares is quite obvious given her high intellect and skill at using it. Honestly, you wouldn’t want to be caught in one of that vixen’s spiderwebs.

The Shokuhou Clique 
Tokiwadai’s largest, most influential and powerful clique. It is well known that just a single member of this clique could change the world in their own way, making the whole organisation’s reach a nightmare for all of its enemies. Now taking into account that each of these girls is at least a Level 3 Esper, the group’s combative power could possibly exceed its influence. And yet, they all bow to their queen, ready to fulfil her every wish – mostly no mind control needed!

Haptic Memory 
Shokuhou Misaki is rather skilled at discerning objects just by touch. This i becomes evident by the fact that she can blindly pull any remote control she wishes to grab from her handbag. Now, given that that thing is equal to a gigantic storage vault, this can really be considered an amazing skill.


CHARACTER THEME: None.



PLAYER'S NAME: Iva.
CHATANGO NAME: ivaman.
RATING: M.
FACE CLAIM: Shokuhou Misaki.
OTHER CHARACTERS: Kamijou Touko, Leivinia Birdway.
MISC. INFORMATION: Third time’s a charm. Also may you rest in peace my beloved Mugino.


Last edited by Shokuho Misaki on Sun Aug 25, 2019 4:49 pm; edited 3 times in total
Kisaragi Anko
Kisaragi Anko

Posts : 24
Join date : 2019-08-24

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[Esper] Shokuhou Misaki Empty Re: [Esper] Shokuhou Misaki

Post  Kisaragi Anko on Sat Aug 24, 2019 9:46 pm

Testing my Posting Ability ☆:
The entire room was filled with heavy tension. It was tension on the levels of a world cup finale or the reveal of the results of the university entrance exams. Everyone had fallen so silent you could hear the wind whistle through the cracks in the doors and windows. That was the terrifying state the School Garden branch of Tokiwadai Middle School’s dorm’s main dining hall had fallen into.

No one spoke. No one breathed. No one turned their eyes away. They were all fixated on a single point. A single girl.

«Hmmm.»

She had taken a bite of the cake placed before her. It may have had the appearance of a classic citrus wedding cake, but that was way too little information to actually speak of its true quality. In fact, obtaining the cake and serving it here had been a struggle akin to seeking out the Philosopher’s Stone for those girls. Gathered in a circle, standing around an individual table with a single comfy armchair, their eyes would remain glued on the interaction between the delicate lady seated there and that culinary rarity.

The suspense was reaching its peak.

«Mhm♪»

That was all it took for them to sigh in relief. As the honey-blonde beauty would flush a small smile, they knew it had sufficed. It had satisfied their queen’s taste. And as she would proceed to take another bite followed by another the situation had finally calmed down. Or so they had assumed.

All it would take was one idiot to speak their mind just a tad too enthusiastically.

«Ah, Queen! It’s so great to see you are enjoying it!!»

That unforeseen outburst had startled the girl who had been too overly fixated on enjoying the high quality desert she had been blessed with. And thus, by reflex the fork between her fingers would shake as she had been about to bring the next piece to pass between her lips. However, instead of ending up where it should have, the speedy change of trajectory would lead to it missing its mark and dropping onto the polished floor tiles.

A truly unfortunate turn of events.

That was all it took to bring upon the queen’s wrath. Nonchalantly reaching into her handbag, she’d spin a TV remote in her free hand, carelessly pointing it at that one idiot with too little sense of appropriateness. And at a press of a button, she would execute that criminal.

«Lick that up. Actually, lick the entire dining hall’s floor to the fullest extent of your tongue ability. You don’t want to leave a single dirty spot.»

Giving only a mechanical nod the other girl would immediately get to her knees, stick out her tongue and commence the tedious work.

There was no other response. No comments. Nothing. Everyone present had been perfectly used to this scenario. They knew the ways of their queen rather well, after all.

Smiling with regained enthusiasm, the girl at the centre would once more swing down the fork to cut off another bite for her to saviour. And while she did, that other girl would ensure for the floor around to be cleansed of all impurities. Yes, that was how things had been at that school. That was how she was. The Queen of Tokiwadai. Shokuhou Misaki.

«Sooo goooood ☆»
Kisaragi Anko
Kisaragi Anko

Posts : 24
Join date : 2019-08-24

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[Esper] Shokuhou Misaki Empty Re: [Esper] Shokuhou Misaki

Post  Vita Vesta Caesar on Sun Aug 25, 2019 12:45 am

Hello hello, everyone's favorite Imperatrice di Roma is here for a very special evaluation! Now, is this 'Shokuhou Misaki' character worthy to join my legions? Or shall she be cast down into the pits with the unworthy swine?! Read on and find out, prospective citizens!

Appearance:


So. This is way

TOO

LOOOOOOOOONG!!!

To be clear, I do understand you have a standing opinion that the appearance section can and should be longer than just a sentence or two describing hair and eye color. And yet, that still does not change my opinion of this calamitous monstrosity... Why, it's heft alone is sufficient to, I don't know, be a small post all in itself! It must be shortened. By at least half.

Half sounds about right, yes. With that much flab removed, it will be slim and beautiful, and I have faith that you can still keep the absolutely necessary tidbits of info intact! Suggestions for doing so include cutting down on redundant details you mention elsewhere in the profile (her weak, impotent muscles, for example), and cutting out the specific details of her outfits, as the nitty-gritty details of the money-powered fashionista that she is can be more constructively described in the posts of the threads she is in.

Really, even if you were only to cut this down by one third instead of one half, it would remain unnecessarily massive—or should I say obese? And do consider breaking it into paragraphs! And don't think just breaking it into paragraphs will let you escape the need to lose weight!

Height:


Sensei's old Misaki profile is 164 cm; yours is 163. Explain!

Weight:


THANK YOU FOR ADDING A WEIGHT! The spreadsheet appreciates it. Curse Sensei and her tendency to mischievously leave the weight out of her profiles...

Personality: Tyrannical Queen


Right then, this is probably the largest (and more or less only!) really serious problem I can spy here in this profile. Just looking at what you've got in the personality section itself isn't really much of a red flag, but then I read how you went and implemented it in the test post... And that is where we have problems.

True, she is a tyrannical queen without mercy. A veritable Godzilla whose rampage cannot be stopped by anyone! But yet, she does genuinely care for and respect her followers. Though she might punish, she will not be wantonly cruel. Though she might embarrass, she will not ruin. At least as far as her clique goes, at any rate. For as much as they are a cult of personality around the vixen and miniature army of Level 3 and 4s, they are also a group of friends who genuinely care for each other and their queen on a personal level, a sentiment which is returned by the queen in question.

Following that, the scene thus described in the test post is, how do we say... Overkill. Cruel. Tense. She is not Mugino, whose whims her followers must always be aware of or face potentially disastrous consequences. She is tyrannical, but she is not a tyrant. She is a queen. The tenseness, the punishment, the cruelty, the display, it is simply too much, yes. Make sure not to forget this.

Character Theme:


At least make it and N/A instead of just leaving the default text, friend...




And that is more or less all I have to say for this Round 1 evaluation, courtesy of everyone's favorite empress. Now come come. Come hither child, and give your corrections, your rebuttals, your arguments, your flagrant abuses of power! I shall receive them all, oppressor!
Vita Vesta Caesar
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[Esper] Shokuhou Misaki Empty Re: [Esper] Shokuhou Misaki

Post  Kisaragi Anko on Sun Aug 25, 2019 10:45 am

Oh my. It has been a while since I have faced an evaluation ☆

Let’s cut to business right away then.

Appearance
I’m not going to shorten this. First of all, there is no actual rule forcing me to stick to a fixed length here. Second, he description is not overbearing with detail and serving a good enough purpose of delivering an overall impression of the character, based on extensive research I have conducted. Your argument that it should be cut in half or down to a third also appears invalid to me, as there are other approved descriptions which are nearly as long as this one. And honestly, even the things that are mentioned elsewhere as well, cannot be cut in my opinion. Why? You see this is the appearance section. Everything appearance related goes here.

Height
I’m aware. But this is not her take on the character. And there are no fixed details on that in any of the source material. Actually, it’s so much more humiliating to assume that she is only a good centimetre taller than Misaka Mikoto, isn’t it?

Personality
She is not Mugino, but she is not that lovey-dovey as you make her out to be. My reference point for that personality trait was Railgun Chapter 43 among others. There, she also exerted a brutal punishment upon Hokaze Junko – who we know is her most precious pawn – by forcing her to challenge herself to speed-eat a whole bunch of eclairs. Isn’t that cruel as well?
The test post itself just takes it to a slight extreme, but still does not assume any truly harming shape. In fact, I went with Misaki’s kinda trolly habit of punishing her underlings by making them do really stupid things instead of anything gruesome. I mean licking the floor clean is pretty mellow compared to cutting them in half with a green beam of death. Also, who said she wouldn’t cancel the command once she was done eating? As I wrote myself in the personality section, Shokuhou is the kind of person to take responsibility for everyone she controls. So, while she would do big show by punishing harshly, the behind the scenes are an entirely different thing.
Lastly, wouldn’t you be this nervous as well when you’re delivering something on a silver platter to your queen~?

Character Theme
Fair point. Edited ☆
Kisaragi Anko
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[Esper] Shokuhou Misaki Empty Re: [Esper] Shokuhou Misaki

Post  Vita Vesta Caesar on Mon Aug 26, 2019 1:53 am

HELP, HELP, I AM BEING OPPRESSED

Appearance
No no, ma insisto! Why, you really don't have a choice in the matter, friend! After all, even disregarding the contents, every time I look at that gelatinous mass of text I feel my required eyeglass prescription changing for the worse. And I doubt I need elaborate upon the consequences should I dare attempt actually reading it... Why, it's a right biohazard! I said before that it wouldn't be enough on its own and I still stand by that, but seriously, break it into paragraphs. It needs line breaks, friend...

That said, while line breaks are completely non-optional, the pleading for mercy of my faithful adviser upon your behalf has earned you a degree of leniency. After you break it into paragraphs, look at it. Really look at it. Decide if this size is good enough for you. Decide if there's nothing you can't pare down, even just little. Read it over, see if there's anything you can or can't condense. Humor me and give my advice a test run, so to speak. If you do so and it still remains so very long, or if the sight of it shortened so offends your eyes that you find you must revert it back and destroy all evidence that the abomination ever existed... Well, I'll give you some face and let it go. Some mercy.

But please; at least give it a shot. I guarantee that the profile will look so much nicer if you just pare it down some. Less bloated, less obtuse. As it is now, even putting aside the lack of line breaks, the eyes just glaze over the information. You have no idea what is important or not as your brain just gives up parsing it. And you might say it's all important, but the fact of the matter is that some of the information is more important than the other, and as it is is no differentiation exists. It's simply an overly large amount of details smashed inelegantly together into the appearance section and really just a very inefficient way of conveying the desired information, which is why I asked you to shorten it all. 

Because in the end, language exists the convey information—meaning—and language that fails to do that is language that needs correcting.

Height
Fair enough! Was mostly just making sure you hadn't simply not noticed.

Personality
"The personality section had it right, but the test post had it in overkill. A mountain of sweets is one thing, licking the floor is an entirely different one. I agree that it's something Mugino would do, but not Misaki." -A Certain Fluffy Fornicator

Forced eclair eating and licking the floor are hardly comparable. Speed-eating eclairs might cause some stomach issues, a lack of taste for sweet things for a while, lack of appetite later in the day, and perhaps more weight on the scale than a fair maiden is necessarily comfortable with. It's docile, the kind of thing friends would dare each other to do. It's on the level of a food eating contest, forced or not. It's on the level of a somewhat harsh prank between friends, not torture.

Licking the floor, on the other hand, is dehumanizing. It's degrading. It's bullying, and I'm not referring to that cute anime schoolgirl blush blush blush bullying, but rather the real shit. The stuff that gets people to blow their brains out, drives people out of school, scars them. It's that kind of bullying. It's that manner of action. It's mean, it's cruel, it's dehumanizing, and it does not fit Misaki's character in the slightest to do something like that to one of her followers, especially over something so small.

She might punish harshly to ensure she retains a tight grip upon the command of her clique. That is true. But unlike Mugino who rules through fear, Misaki rules through charisma. That kind of action as described in her test post is decidedly not her modus operandi, and the atmosphere of that scene is the opposite of how the clique is run. In your test post, people staring with bated breath, not daring to speak lest harsh punishment be dealt out. In the actual series, them falling each other to feed their queen, them mostly self-regulating but occasionally pushed back by Junko or Misaki when they get a bit too enthusiastic, and Misaki overall basking in the attention they're lavishing upon her.

That is Shokuhou Misaki's rule. She saves her cynicalism, her true harshness, and her cruelty for her enemies and her enemies alone. She does not visit it upon her friends and allies. She doesn't need to, after all.

All in all—
I'm a bit more into the swing of things with this eval, as I'm sure you can tell. I am getting my groove, fetching my gumption, learning how to drive this crazy clown car you've stuffed me into. Aside from the above, the only real advice I have is what I mentioned in PMs: when or if you have the chance, a bit of time, page back through the profile from the top. Revisit your wording and sentence structure, analyze it all, and pare it all down. Condense it. Swap vocabulary so that it better fits your meaning, analogies so that they better fit your style.

Shakespeare once said brevity is the soul of wit, and that is one of the truest quotes I have ever read. Your profile is a bit fluffy, and I can definitely tell that you didn't go back and edit it after you 'finished' it the first time. But while nothing to the level of the more fundamental issues above that earned their sections due to how they contradict Misaki's actual character and hinder the comprehension of the profile, I can guarantee that it'll make the profile feel nicer. Better written! It'll make you feel good about yourself, so do it if you can! With that said, your empress is signing out for now. Until next time!




Oh, and I never said anything about word counts...
Vita Vesta Caesar
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[Esper] Shokuhou Misaki Empty Re: [Esper] Shokuhou Misaki

Post  Kisaragi Anko on Mon Aug 26, 2019 10:08 am

Honestly, I have enough. I do not see the merit of 90% of your criticism, especially not the one directed at the length of the appearance section or the general writing quality. I have spent a long time working on this under greatest effort and time. You demanding I rework sections just so that they suit your personal preference and taste is an insult to me and the efforts. In fact, if that is how you will be evaluating profiles from here on out, I don’t feel like you’re cut out for the job.

Either way, I’m tired arguing my points here, because I do not agree with you and have offered my own interpretation of things. Again, the silence is not sourced in fear of punishment, but in fear of her not liking it after they went through all this effort of getting the cake for her. Further, the licking is not that cruel in my opinion. It's a comic thing to me personally, since it does neither harm anyone or is in any way what you call "dehumanising". If this reasoning is not acceptable enough, I can say that I am not cut out to play the character in the end.

As such, I’m no longer going to continue working on this profile or the plans I initially made based on it.

Thank you for your service.
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