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[Esper] Izumi Chouko

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[Esper] Izumi Chouko Empty [Esper] Izumi Chouko

Post  Izumi Chouko on Tue Sep 10, 2019 11:37 am

(Izumi Chouko)

(Ability name: Ion Displacement
Level: XX)

[Esper] Izumi Chouko Images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcTsDnfYW_kCVDFXmOEQVJ9ZgLHgXo0H8bpbW4ARMHxTBTtV2AMy

"Relax? I'm not familiar with this term please elaborate."



FULL NAME: Izumi Chouko

OTHER ALIAS: (Plate Mail)

CURRENT AGE: 15

GENDER: Female

OCCUPATION: N/A

SCHOOL: Tokiwadai Middle School

FACTION: N/A


APPEARANCE: Chouko is of a height slightly above average. She does however sport a lean and muscular build due to the nature of her ability and how she implements it. She possesses crimson coloured hair that reaches just slightly past her shoulders. Her facial features are lithe and smooth which give off a false sense of fragility. She is almost always wearing some form of jewelry normally in the for of tight fitting bracelets or a necklace.
HEIGHT: 166 cm
WEIGHT: 69 kg
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: Lean muscular build, way above average for her age. She is also quite tall.


PERSONALITY:

Childish
Chouko can be very immature at times. She is rather playful at times, and does not take most situations too seriously. She enjoys teasing people and making witty remarks. She hates to admit she is wrong when she makes mistakes, and makes sure she always has the last say in an argument. She is also overly competitive when it comes to things she enjoys, and dislikes losing, and will not admit defeat easily.

Absentminded
Chouko has a rather short attention span and is easily distracted by what is happening around her. This has lead to her having poor time management skills as she is often not paying attention to the time or is too caught up in whatever it is she is doing.

Hyperactive
Chouko is exuberant and full of life. She despises being idle and always needs something to keep her busy. What she does to keep herself busy however is not always productive, this can lead to her wasting a lot of time on seemingly pointless pursuits, in order to keep herself occupied. She also tends to fidget a lot and mess around with items on hand when she is bored.

Impulsive
Chouko can be quite rash and rarely takes the time to analyse her situations carefully. She often acts based upon the first thought to cross her mind, which may not be the best option, and not taking the time to consider future repercussions. She does what she feels will be the most entertaining thing for her at that moment in time.

Curious
Chouko bores easily and is always trying to find new ways to keep herself busy, it doesn’t matter what she does to keep herself busy as long as she finds it entertaining. There are many odd occurrences in Academy City, and she is often on the lookout for something that will pique her interest.

Creative
Chouko has a wild and whimsical imagination. She is often trying to find new and inventive ways to do things to make her own life easier.

Magnanimous
Chouko may be an MMA fighter, however this does not mean that she is overly aggressive. She usually only resorts to violence as a last resort. She may enjoy MMA that does not however mean she enjoys causing people injury. She resorts to violence only when necessary or when she has been driven to that point out of anger.  


Likes:

MMA.
Reading.
Chemistry.
Being Active.
A select few foods.
Fidgeting.

Dislikes:

Just about all other foods.
Having nothing to do.
Getting lost.
Wearing hats or glasses.
Waiting.


STRENGTHS:

Physical Activities: Chouko is very fit and strong. She has very high endurance and physical strength

Perception:  Due to the nature of MMA she was always kept on her toes and forced to pay attention to her what is happening around her. Over time it has become second nature to her.


WEAKNESSES:

Impatient: Chouko is very impatient and despises sitting idly by waiting for something. She needs something to do.

Easily Distracted: Chouko is easily distracted and can easily lose sight of the task at hand if something new and exciting comes up.

Navigation: She is horrible at orientating herself and often gets lost. She finds this rather frustrating.


HISTORY:

Izumi Chouko was brought up as a single child. She lived with both of her parents. Her father was the owner of a law firm and her mother worked under him. Chouko was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) at birth and as such was quite a handful, and her parents due to the nature of their work found it hard to juggle dealing with her rowdy behaviour and maintaining a high standard of work. They came to the decision that it would be in their best interests, and would be much easier to just send her to a boarding school. They feared that Chouko’s ADHD would have an impact upon her future, due to the possibility of learning disabilities and concentration problems, as this disorder does not have a ‘cure’ they decided to send her to Academy City where the advanced science and technology may be able to do something about the disorder.

Chouko attended Academy City from the first year of primary school. Thus she underwent the Power Curriculum Program from a young age. She showed potential from very early on and proved to be rather bright. However she seemed to always be overflowing with exuberance. She was often getting up to mischief and found it difficult to concentrate on anything for extended periods of time. It was decided that she should do a sport to channel all that excess energy into something more productive than causing trouble. She tried a multitude of sports, from tennis to hockey, but none of them really clicked for her. One day she saw an advertisement for MMA and she decided to give it a try as it might be interesting. As it turned out she thoroughly enjoyed it. She showed a natural talent for it and soon she was making podium finishes at tournaments. It also served its original purpose of whittling away at the limitless energy she seemed to possess. She had less time on her hands to get up to mischief and the demanding nature of the spot diminished her seamlessly endless supply of excess energy. This lead to her concentration and attention span to improve causing her grades and ability development to flourish. She even managed to score top grades for chemistry, maths and physics.

Her all round spectacular performance convinced her parents that sending her to Academy City was the correct choice. As she got older her outstanding grades and her now more refined ability gained her acceptance into the prestigious school Tokiwadai. Chouko was extremely proud of that achievement. She would now be competing with some of the best best Academy City had to offer, and was determined to prove her worth. By now however she had become extremely fit due to how she implements her ability and the physical training she was doing for MMA. She once again found herself overflowing with youthful vigor. She needed something new to keep her occupied. Thus she started paying more attention to the going ons of Academy City in the hopes that something interesting would show up.



RANK: N/A

LEVEL: XX

Ion Displacement:

Chouko is able to control redox reactions, specifically the ones involving the displacement of ions. These are the reactions used in electroplating and electrolysis (a real life example of these types of reactions is the plating of silver onto a steel spoon to give to give it the appearance of silver). Using her body as a substitute for an electrolyte she is able to force these reactions to take place, and at an accelerated rate. She is only able to to force these reactions between transition metals and alloys that constitute of these metals. What this means is that when Chouko is touching one metal she is able to dissolve it down into its atoms/ions and place these atoms/ions onto a different metal that she is touching. What she does is in a sense is dissolve a metal she is touching and transfer that metal across her body, in the form of atoms, and then place those atoms onto the other metal she is touching in whatever configuration she chooses. When using her ability she can not simply alter the shape of a metal, she requires two separate metal objects. She is able to dissolve one metal object and place the matter that that object constituted of onto another metal object. She is able to control the shape the metal that she is dissolving takes when it is transferred to the other metal as she is manually placing the atoms/ions into a shape of her choosing. When she dissolves one metal object the other one acts as a base upon which she places the atoms of the other metal, forming any shape she chooses upon the second object.
So for example if she were to take a coin in one hand and place her other hand upon a metal fence, she can dissolve the fence and place it upon the coin, forming a shape of her choosing, however under all the metal she has moved onto the coin remains, and is in relatively the same form.  
Alternatively instead of relocating the atoms/ions of the metal she breaks down onto another metal she is able to place them on different areas on her body instead.

Choukos ability is not passive and requires her to perform active calculations. Her ability requires physical contact to be activated, it is possible for her to activate it through a single thin medium such as clothing. When using her ability she only dissolves the part of the metal that she is in direct contact with, and 10 cm around the point of contact. For example, if she were to use her ability on say a metal fence and a coin in her palm, she can either dissolve the coin in her hand and place it upon the fence, or she can dissolve the fence and displace it onto the coin. She will only be able to break down the part of the metal object that she is in direct contact with, so for the example using the fence she is only able to break down the area of the fence in direct contact with her body, meaning she will have to move her hand along the fence if she wanted to dissolve more of the fence. She has a maximum output of around 1.2 kg/s. This means that she is able to dissolve a metal and place it upon another metal object at a rate of 1.2 kg/s. Chouko is able to control what shape the dissolved metal takes when she places it upon the other metal, however the more complicated that shape is the more calculations required, thus the speed at which she is able to dissolve and reform the metal decreases the more complicated the formation she is placing the atoms in. As an example, using on of her more frequent uses of her ability, she is able to make a makeshift suit of armour. The weight of a suit of armour is around 20 kg. This means theoretically she is able to form and entire set of armour in around 21 seconds however due to the added intricacy it will take her around 25 seconds. Chouko is able to, at maximum dissolve and reform 4320 kg of metal before she begins to take significant mental strain. This is equivalent to her using her ability constantly for an hour.

When using her ability she dissolves a metal object she comes into contact with and places the dissolved metal onto another metal she is in contact with, usually the jewelry she wears or the few coins she carries around. One of Choukos more common uses is to make makeshift armour for protection purposes, she can also just coat parts of her body in metal which she is used to doing making it a rather quick process, however this greatly hinders movement and flexibility. She is not limited to only making objects like that and is able to make many others. Anything she does make and intends to use she will have to carry and metal does have a considerable weight. This makes it highly impractical for her to make anything too large, this does however not mean that she can't given time.


OTHER ABILITIES:

Jewelry
She almost always carries around jewelry, usually in the form of tightly fitting bracelets and bangles on her arms. They are however not for aesthetic purposes but rather serve as a medium upon which to use her ability. These pieces of jewelry are made of various types of transition metals.

Coins
Chouko tends to keep a few coins on her person as well. More for the use as a medium for her ability rather than paying for things.

MMA
Chouko actively participates in MMA. She specializes in both Jujitsu and Judo and has earned a black belt in both.


CHARACTER THEME: N/A

PLAYER'S NAME: Izumi Chouko

CHATANGO NAME: IzumiChouka

RATING: M

FACE CLAIM: Tomoyo Kanzaki. From: Inou-Battle wa Nichijou-kei no Naka de

OTHER CHARACTERS: N/A.

MISC. INFORMATION: N/A.


Last edited by Izumi Chouko on Tue Oct 08, 2019 12:08 am; edited 44 times in total (Reason for editing : Implementing changes based off of the received criticism.)
Izumi Chouko
Izumi Chouko

Posts : 9
Join date : 2019-09-03

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[Esper] Izumi Chouko Empty Test Post

Post  Izumi Chouko on Tue Sep 10, 2019 11:38 am

Chouko’s hair whipped around behind her as she ran.The whir of the city was barely audible against the pounding of her shoes on the concrete pavement and the frantic beating of her heart.
How had it come to this, she thought. This couldn’t be happening, not again. If she was caught out this time it would be the last straw and there would be dire consequences awaiting her.

As she ran, she recalled her day and how it had come to his. Her day had started just like any other, she was roused out of bed early in the morning by the sound of a faint alarm. She did not have her alarm set loud as by this time, a quarter to six, she was almost always awake, the alarm was just there to remind her to get out of bed. Once she was up her usual morning routine followed. A quick shower followed up by getting dressed and eating breakfast. All in all a normal morning. After this she proceeded to attend her classes for the day. Once her school day was over she quickly went out to nab some lunch before she headed out the gym for sparring practice. She may have stopped competing in tournaments for MMA recently, but that was no reason to put it behind her, after all she enjoyed it. She used it as a way to clear her mind and forget about her worries at least for an hour as she became completely absorbed in her sparring. Today however had not been her lucky day.

Her usual sparring partners were for some reason or another absent that day. She would however not be deterred and proceeded to complete her exercise routine. After which she took to the punching bags. It was nearing the end of her session that she noticed that she had drawn a small crowd. This however was a crowd that she could easily do without. She could from a glance tell that they were bad news. Standing in the corner leering at her was a group of highschoolers. They looked like delinquents to her, probably part of some sort of gang or another. She was adamant that she was not going to let them ruin her day so she ignored them and continued until the alarm she set on her phone rang letting her know that it was getting late and that she should wrap things up. She walked over to her bag which was situated on a bench at the edge of the room, pulled out her phone and a towel, turning off the alarm and wiping the sweat from her face with the towel. She heard a slow rhythmic clapping from the other side of the room. She peered over her shoulder and watched the delinquents saunter towards her.

“Well, well what do we have here,” exclaimed the delinquent who was slowly clapping his hands. “Judging by that sports uniform you are from Tokiwadai Aren’t you? Now what is a refined you lady like yourself doing in a place like this?”
Chouko eyed them up and down. There were four of them in total. The one that had been clapping walked in front of the rest. He was tall, around the same height as her, and lean. His hair was long and scraggly reaching down to his shoulders. His face looked like that of a pugilist with a scar running down his left cheek. The others were of varying heights and looked unkempt. That's all she really noticed. She didn't care much for people such as them. Her attention was drawn back to the tall one as he started speaking again.
“That was mighty impressive what you did there. I’m sure that punching bag will really feel it tomorrow.” he smiled slyly at her and the other three snickered in unison. “Why don't we have some fun? I’m pretty sure I can do a better job than that punching bag.” His grin now reached ear to ear and he pretended to stretch. This was going to be more effort than it's worth thought Chouko, it might prove interesting, but she didn't have time to deal with this at the moment. She turned to face the delinquents, put on an innocent smile and spoke.
“I would love to see someone such as yourself try outcompete a punching bag, but it's getting late and I should really get going.” The tall one scowled, but she had stopped paying attention to them, she picked her bag up off the bench and brushed past them heading towards the exit.
“Hey I’m not done with you yet,” came a voice from behind her. She replied without looking back, “I however am done with you,” and with that she proceeded to leave the building.

It had not taken her long to realise that she was being followed by those delinquents, they weren't  very subtle about it. She was not overly worried a chase through the city might prove exciting, she thought quickly forgetting she had somewhere to be. She quickened her pace and decided to take a roundabout route to get rid of them. If one thing could be said about these delinquents, it was that they sure were persistent. As Chouko dodged her way through the streets and back alleys trying to evade them, she failed to notice the sun setting against the metal skyline of Academy City.

Chouko turned into another dark alley and realised too late that it was a dead end. “Arrgghhh!” “Just my luck,” she muttered to herself. She spun around intending to go back the way she came but there at the entrance to the alley were the delinquents blocking her path.
“That was quite a chase you gave us,” came a now familiar voice. “We were just trying to have some fun, but you had to go ahead and insult me, so I am no longer feeling generous. Maybe we should take that, some of that jewelry you are wearing, I’m sure we can make a pretty penny from that.” He grinned menacingly.
“You may be a Tokiwadai brat and a strong looking one at that, but I highly doubt that you can take on all four of us at once,” he continued, as he slowly walked towards her. “Make this easy on yourself, hand over your money and possessions and we will go easy on you.”
Chouko grinned. This might just get interesting she thought. She placed her bag on the floor as she pulled a coin out of her pocket and held it in her hand.

They approached Chouko and the one with the disfigured face placed his hand upon her shoulder. Chouko reached out her other arm and placed her hand upon his shoulder. The boy frowned a confused expression on his face.
“What do you think you are doing?” he said.
“Imitating you.” Chouko replied smiling. She let him go and took a step back as his fist moved through the space her head had just occupied. He stumbled forwards losing his balance. Chouko cocked her head to the side and looked at him quizzically.
“That was not very nice,” she taunted. “You aren’t supposed to hit girls.”
“You damn brat he cursed,” as he regained his balance. “I've had enough of this.” He reached into his back pocket of his trousers and pulled out a rusty looking knife.
“Get her!” he growled menacingly.
They all advanced towards her, the disfigured one with the knife at the front. Chouko sighed. Why did everyone have to always resort to violence she though.

The one with the knife lunged at her, intending to stab her. Chouko moved forward into the thrust and activated her ability. As the knife came into contact with her it dissolved, this continued to a little past the hilt as the delinquents arm kept moving forward due to the initial momentum. The metal that the now dissolved knife had constituted of moved across her body to the coin she still grasped in her hand. That metal fused to the coin forming a perfectly spherical metal ball. The ball was not that big. It took up the majority of her palm and she was just able to touch her finger together while holding it.
“I think you lost something,” she said holding the ball up for them to see. A worried expression crossed their faces. The one that now held a useless hilt in his grasp took a few steps back, a bewildered look on his face.  “Now for the finale,” Chouko announced. She tossed the ball up into the air. All eyes followed it as they searched for it above them in the dark alley. She took this opportunity as they were distracted to dash past them, to the mouth of the alley.
“That concludes tonight's fun,” Chouko announced bowing flamboyantly. She spun around on her heels and barely managed to stop herself from crashing into the Anti Skill officer that was now standing behind her.

“What on earth is going on here?” yelled the Anti Skill officer as he took in the odd scene before him. Chouko took a step back and floundered with her words for a moment as she thought of something to say.
“Good day…” Chouko was cut off by a wave of the Anti Skill officers hand.
“Do not good evening me. Do you have any idea what time it is? The curfew has long since been in effect.” Chouko paled. It was that late already. This was not good. How had she lost track of so much time? Chouko swallowed as she thought up an excuse. She explained to the Anti Skill officer how the current situation had come about, however she did alter a few details to paint herself more like a victim to invoke sympathy in him.
“I see,” said the Anti Skill officer. “I guess I can overlook you being out after curfew just this once. However I can not say the same for your dorm master. Now get going before I change my mind.”She nodded politely.
“Thank you so much, I really appreciate the understanding, I shall endeavour not to be caught out again past curfew,” replied Chouko.
“It's all right just be more careful next time. Now get going.’’
Chouko did not have to be told twice, she turned around and darted in the direction of her dorm. She faintly heard the Anti Skill officer say “Now what am I going to do with…” but she was out of earshot to catch the rest

This is what had lead up to her current situation which was a mad scramble back to her dorm all the while fearing the wrath of the Tokiwadai dorm mistress. She approached the door and stood outside with bated breath. She was not looking forward to this. She opened the door slowly and peered inside expecting to see the dorm mistress waiting, however she was nowhere to be seen. Strange Chouko thought. She was sure she was done for. She stepped inside cautiously, and that's when she heard it. The commotion for upstairs. She heard a loud crack like lightning, followed by an exasperated and familiar voice “KUROKO!” Quickly following that was the voice she had been dreading to hear, “No using abilities in the dorm.” Tokiwadais’ dorm mistress. She heard some frantic mutterings from shirai coming from above but she had stopped listening and was more focused on slinking over to her room without being noticed. She sighed when she got to the door of her room. She grinned to herself. She was extremely relieved that by some fortunate turn of events, for her at least, she had escaped trouble. She went to open the door and it was then that she realised she had lost her bag.


Last edited by Izumi Chouko on Wed Sep 18, 2019 1:17 pm; edited 4 times in total
Izumi Chouko
Izumi Chouko

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Join date : 2019-09-03

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[Esper] Izumi Chouko Empty Re: [Esper] Izumi Chouko

Post  Kisaragi Anko on Thu Sep 12, 2019 8:26 pm

For you it might be your first eval, but for me it’s also the first one on this new account! Let’s see if that will add some magic to it. Actually, I will do things differently here, minding your freshness to RPing and will therefore start at the very beginning of things.

#1 Building a deep character
The first thing that I came across when reading Chouko was a lack of depth. While you gave her personality multiple bullet points, the majority of these is expressed in a single line or even sentence. This raises the problem that things are left a tiny bit under-expressed. This is your opportunity to describe your character’s quirks, after all. So I would ask you to extend the personality a tiny bit in some areas.


#2 Rounding a character well
Beyond depth what makes a character a good character is a sense of balance. This is important, as every human has things they like or dislike, are good at or suck at. It’s in our nature. With Chouko we do have a clear tendency towards the positive aspects, manifesting in a clearly uneven number of strengths compared to weaknesses and likes compared to dislikes. I would ask you to balance things here, making sure that both sides have about equal numbers (or more negatives than positives).

However, focussing on the strengths especially, it’s obvious that Chouko is really unbalanced in general. She is a high level Esper (given that she is supposed to be Tokiwadai student), highly intelligent and physically superior to the majority of people as well as a skilled melee fighter. Clearly that doesn’t simply leave her an area she is bad in, but actually makes her a jack of all trades. Something that isn't that welcomed in an RP forum. So it’s of utmost importance that you rethink her skillset.

Personally, I did enjoy the MMA Fighter aspect a bit, as it is quite unique a thing to see among applications. However, going down that route would need you to tone down some other aspects.


#3 A good history
Writing a character history can be the most challenging aspect of a profile. While the other sections usually leave you some leeway this one justifies how the character became the way they are and that all the while it tries to stay consistent with the lore of the universe. In your case the glaring issue is her lack of qualification for enrolling into Tokiwadai Middle School. First of all, standard grades do not actually matter for that school. The place is infamous for only taking in the elites among the elites, having even rejected some foreign country’s princess in the past. Chouko, however, comes from an ordinary family made up of an office worker and a baker, thus lacking the criteria of prestige. Secondly, and more importantly, that school only accepts Espers of Level 3 and above. And, as you cannot be born as an Esper (at least by the rules of the forum regarding applicants), you would have to be turned into one by Academy City. Yet, Chouko is described to have enrolled Tokiwadai from outside of Academy City, thus not actually being an Esper in the first place.


#4 Designing an ability
Now, what’s left is the ability and its description. In your case this is something I have had a hard time understanding, leading to my first pointer being as simple as to request a clearer description. Usually you should bring the entire scope of your ability onto the point in a few sentences before moving on to further describe the many possibilities that holds. This should usually be done in a way that makes it easy to understand – even for idiots. As such you should make sure to either avoid or explain scientific terms in more detail. A good example for this in this case can already be named in the very first paragraph of the description, as it is simply stuffed with scientific terms that are left entirely unsimplified.

Still, even if we ignore that, Chouko’s ability does seem rather unbalanced. As far as I understand she is easily capable of destroying any metal instantaneously, which by all means is pretty broken. Actually pairing this with her already high combat ability as a MMA fighter, the outcome would be too bad for any enemy she might ever face – which brings us back to the idea of general balancing. Beyond that she can also create new metal objects and manipulate existing object’s shape according to her wishes, making her a real Full Metal Alchemist. Something that could easily breach into the domain of Multiskill, which does actually not exist in the domain of the verse. So, I would recommend to keep her spectrum of possibilities in a more limited field than it currently is.

Lastly, though, I’d like to say that I will engage more into the evaluation of the ability itself once there is a clearer description of what it can fundamentally do, where its weaknesses lie and what possible applications it has. However, this also will require you to add numbers and upper limits yourself, as these are an important part of the evaluation and thus our assignment of a Level to your character’s Esper ability.


#5 Bonus Round
Oh, and before I forget it: MMA Fighting should also be added to the Other Abilities section, given that it is an actually useful and important skill for her character.
Kisaragi Anko
Kisaragi Anko

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Join date : 2019-08-24

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[Esper] Izumi Chouko Empty I appreciate the criticism

Post  Izumi Chouko on Thu Sep 12, 2019 9:11 pm

This is my first time doing this sort of thing so I was expecting to make a few mistakes.

With regards to the history and personality I was expecting as much and already have a few tweaks or overhauls in mind. I also completely forgot about the school situation, that was a dumb mistake on my part.

The ability. I guess now that I read over it I did not make it that easy to understand sorry about that. I shall endeavor to correct that. I will also fix up the test post slightly to better describe the ability. I also have some ideas in mind to restrict it. i was being optimistic with what i could get away with.

Also with regard to being all rounded, I was expecting as much. If possible i would like to correct that with alterations to the personality side of things, as I have a few ideas in mind. If that is not to be the case I shall think of something else.
Izumi Chouko
Izumi Chouko

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Join date : 2019-09-03

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[Esper] Izumi Chouko Empty Second try.

Post  Izumi Chouko on Sun Sep 15, 2019 10:26 pm

I have made modifications based on the criticism received in the previous Ivaluation.

I have made changes to the character personality.
I also altered the ability description in an attempt to elucidate it better (I hope). I also put in place a restriction or two to balance it more. I have also added a maximum output so to speak.
I have redone the history for Chouko correcting the discrepancies, and hopefully just improving it overall.  
I attempted to improve upon the dislikes and likes.
I moved MMA fighting into additional abilities as requested.
I have also hopefully balanced out the weaknesses and strengths.
I have edited the test post to hopefully better portray her personality and use for her ability.

All in all I hope the alterations are sufficient and think that the profile is ready for a second round of evaluation.

Also with regards to the ability their are other routes I can take without changing the concept of the ability. I however limited it to this aspect for balance reasons, and because I thought it was a lot more interesting than the other applications.
Also with regards to the ability I could give it a limited range having it use the AIM fields instead of direct physical contact which is rather limiting.


Last edited by Izumi Chouko on Tue Sep 17, 2019 8:28 pm; edited 5 times in total (Reason for editing : Munchkin told me to say Ivaluation.)
Izumi Chouko
Izumi Chouko

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Join date : 2019-09-03

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[Esper] Izumi Chouko Empty Re: [Esper] Izumi Chouko

Post  Kisaragi Anko on Sat Sep 21, 2019 6:28 pm

First of all: Apologies for the delay. Life keeps happening.

More importantly, though: I have read the changes you made to the profile and must say that things look way better now. Well done! Still, as things are with me I will still drop some criticism upon you.

Returning to #2
The problem is imbalance still prevails. To bring my problem across in a better way I will now rip off the stat sheet allegory as used by Index in the old days. For this one imagine Chouko’s skillset to be represented by a simple sheet containing three types of stats: Intelligence, Strength and Esper Ability. Usually a balanced stat sheet would mean that a character has some things on a higher level, while other values are on a lower one – nobody is perfect at everything after all. Thus we can take Hamazura Shiage, Shokuhou Misaki and Shirai Kuroko as an example.

Hamazura Shiage
Intelligence: 50
Strength: 60
Esper Ability: 0

Shokuhou Misaki
Intelligence: 90
Strength: 0
Esper Ability: 90

Shirai Kuroko
Intelligence: 40
Strength: 50
Esper Ability: 70

As you can see, while there are different spectrums in terms of stat spread, there is usually some balance, either found in one value being extremely low while the others skyrocket or someone having a rather even spread.

With Chouko things are pretty above average, though:

Izumi Chouko
Intelligence: 60~70
Strength: 70
Esper Ability: 60~70

My key recommendation here would be setting the intelligence stat to an average value, by simply not naming it as a strength.

Besides the balancing issue, I would also like you to name her degree of proficiency in terms of MMA. It’s important to know how good she is, after all.


Time for #4
There is not much for me to comment on here – meaning you did well in reworking the entire thing. My remaining points of concern are to be summed up quickly.

First, I’d like you to give an example what these 1.2kg/s do actually mean. Right now it is just a number, lacking something visual to drive imagination. So name an example or two.

To round things up, I’m curious to hear the upper limit of mass she is able to dissolve with her ability overall. Feel free to go a little wild there, though.

Naturally, I also see myself forced to point out that she won’t and shouldn’t be able to apply her ability on incoming attacks such as projectiles or a direct stabbing attack – unless she actually catches it with her hands.
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[Esper] Izumi Chouko Empty RE: [Esper] Izumi Chouko

Post  Izumi Chouko on Tue Oct 08, 2019 12:15 am

Sincerest apologies for taking so long to get around to polishing this up. I ended up being busier than expected and it completely slipped my mind.

I have implemented the changes that were requested.

I gave the ability an upper limit. (Chouko is able to, at maximum dissolve and reform 4320 kg of metal before she begins to take significant mental strain. This is equivalent to her using her ability constantly for an hour).

I added an example of the speed at which she can use it. (As an example, using on of her more frequent uses of her ability, she is able to make a makeshift suit of armour. The weight of a suit of armour is around 20 kg. This means theoretically she is able to form and entire set of armour in around 21 seconds however due to the added intricacy it will take her around 25 seconds.)

I also added a proficiency for MMA. Which is a specialization at jujitsu and Judo and having achieved the rank of black belt in both.

I think I added and corrected what was required.
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Post  Vita Vesta Caesar on Fri Nov 01, 2019 10:25 pm

Right then, sincerely sorry for the wait! Iva was, unfortunately, involvement in a head-on collision wherein he was hit with the eighteen-wheeler truck known as life and left in critical condition, and as such it has fallen to me to continue your eval... His twitching form may seem pitiful, but please do not heed it. ...And additionally, I befell some delays myself, for which I must must apologize further.

That said, before I continue on to the actual, long-awaited eval, I'd just like to say I've been following your profile's progress from the start, and you've been improving it with each edit. And that's very nice indeed! Unfortunately however, you aren't quite out of the woods quite yet (though you're extremely close).

#2: Electric Boogaloo
So, while you may have followed the form of the instructions, you didn't quite manage to follow the spirit. As Iva mentioned, it's all about a balance between esper ability, physical ability, and intellectual ability. But while you may have stricken the records from her strengths and weaknesses, at the same time you also added those tidbits about being a 'top student', 'among the best Academy City has to offer', and 'outstanding grades'. To a certain extent that can be ignored since she's a Tokiwadai student and we're not about to tell you to change her school, but at the same time the balance does have to be maintained.

In Iva's stat examples, for example, he listed Kuroko, right? Another Tokiwadai student. 40 INT, 50 STR, 70 ESP. To compare her with Chouko, Chouko would probably have more STR than Kuroko, being more physically oriented, putting her up around 60~70. Her ESP would be around equal, probably a little. 60~65, probably. But as described now, Chouko's INT would make her seem like she's at a 60 or 70. And that's not good. Now obviously Kuroko's not stupid. She's a Tokiwadai student, after all. But her intelligence isn't what gets her by day to day, and she doesn't exactly spend any time flaunting it.

To be clear, things like tactical planning aren't really things associated with that INT. We're talking more about things like either scheming, or pure scientific intellect. And from what you noted about Chouko's best subjects, it sounds like you're trying to her link to INT to her ability, right? But that's not necessarily necessary. It could be said pretty easily that having a working knowledge of the physics of one's own ability is probably something separate from one's normal intellectual aptitude. That is to say, it's something that comes with the territory of a high ESP stat, even without a correspondingly high INT stat.

So to cap things off, I used a lot more words to say it, but just like last time the fix is simple: de-emphasize it. Talk about how her grades rose, and that she even managed to get into Tokiwadai because of that combined with her ability. But don't spend so much time talking about her grades; maybe pivot towards something else, like how proud of her her parents were, or how she herself felt about getting into such a high-end school.

#4: A Minor Nitpick

Two nitpicks here, both pretty minor in the grand scheme of things, but still ultimately worthy of mention here nonetheless. The first is your maximum output. 4320 kg, converted, is over four US tons. Which is, well, a lot, so do reduce it please! Thankfully, due to the nature of the ability, this remains mostly a nitpick; even with a reduction, for her use-case, it's more her rate per second that really matters.

As per the implementation, I'd recommend cutting the max amount/time before severe mental strain starts kicking in to about a fourth or a sixth? 720~1080kg over the course of 10-15 minutes. It would give a much a more reasonable-sounding upper limit without really affecting the practical usage much, in my opinion. A happy medium.

The second nitpick is that I see you mention she can neglect the need to use another piece of metal as a destination to just place it on her body. Ignoring the fact that one of the ability's limitations was supposed to be that the materials can only be transferred from metal to metal, didn't you have her wearing jewelry precisely wouldn't be a problem anyway? Hence, nitpick.



Once more, most sincere apologies for that delay on our part. We're almost done here, so let's get through that last hurdle!
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[Esper] Izumi Chouko Empty I work on it a bit more it seems.

Post  Izumi Chouko on Wed Nov 06, 2019 4:58 pm

Thank you for the evaluation. I'll get back to work on the profile and attempt to fix/correct the discrepancies. I however will only be able to do this in a week or so because I am busy writing final exams at the moment.
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