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[Magician] Atsa Tsinaajinii

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[Magician] Atsa Tsinaajinii

Post  Atsa Tsinaajinii on Sun May 08, 2016 8:08 am

(Atsa Tsinaajinii)

(Legatum373)

[ IMG]
[/IMG]

"It would be very unwise for you to underestimate me"



FULL NAME: Atsa Tsinaajinii
OTHER ALIAS: Shaman King
CURRENT AGE: 17
GENDER: Male
OCCUPATION: Shaman
SCHOOL: N/A
FACTION: Necessarius



APPEARANCE:
Being of Navajo descend Atsa has a darker colored skin and also has Navajo tribal marks painted across his body in white paint. On top of his left ear sit two light blue feathers that are kept in place by the fold of his ear and his white hair. Along with the two feathers on his left ear he also has two small circling metal earrings on both of his ears. Moving along to his face, Atsa has two light blue piercing eyes sitting above his mouth that almost always seems to be in a slight grin unless he is in a fight. Below his head the only important things to note about Atsa body is the bear bite scars on his right shoulder and his strong but not bulky muscle build.

As for clothing Atsa has a necklace holding multiple light blue spheres wrapped around his neck along with a red scarf that he wears all the time. Along with this necklace and scarf he wears a black t-shirt with red designs scatter across it and a pair of blue jeans that are torn and worn at the bottom of its legs. On his feet he will either be wearing a pair of blue Nike sneakers or a pair of moccasins made of deerskin. Finally, the last two things you should know about Atsa's appearance is that he wears a brown jacket with black fur lining and has he usually has a bow and quiver hanging from his back.

HEIGHT: 5 feet 10 inches/177.8 cm
WEIGHT:  140 pounds/ 63.5 kilograms
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: He has Navajo tribal markings painted across his body and scars across his right shoulder from a bear bite.



PERSONALITY:
(Environmentalist)
Atsa was raised to have a great respect for nature and all things that live within it. Being a hunter he can accepted the killing of animals in order to create food but the idea of hunting as a sport disgusts him to no end. He is also horrified by the number of trees and forests cut down for profit by companies who just don't seem to care about what happens to the inhabitants of these forests. He is dedicated enough to the protection of the environment that if he saw a tree about to be cut down he would be one of the people who would tie themselves to the tree to prevent it.
(Inquisitive)  
Atsa is natural curious and tends to ask questions about everything and when I say everything I mean everything. If he begins interested in a subject he can ask a seemly endless number of questions before he is satisfied. He loves learning new things and he becomes almost childishly happy when he gets the chance to learn something new. Sadly however, this great number of questions tend to eventually drive people crazy causing them not to like him very much.
(Kind Hearted)
Atsa has an initial like for all people and tries to see the good in everyone even if they seem to be nothing but evil. As such he is friendly towards most everyone and will go out of his way to help others. For this reason Atsa can be seen participating in large amounts of community service and will approach someone if they seem lost or seem to need help in any way.
(A Disorganized Mess)
He has no form of organization for his things and most of the time just throws his stuff down somewhere in the room he is in. He will constantly lose things as he will have forgotten were he put them down and have to search madly around the room he had last had it in. Signs of his disorganization can sometimes even be seen in his appearance with parts of his hair shooting off it random direction because he lost his comb. In the end you should trust Atsa with holding any of your stuff for over an hour or by the time you come back it will most likely be missing.
(Rebellious)
At the end of the day Atsa is just not good at taking orders from others. He doesn't ignore orders out of malice or anger towards authorities, he just likes to deal with situation in his own way and reacting to things as they come instead of following a strict overall plan. Needless to say those in charge don't tend to take a liking to this quality of his and it can get him in trouble sometimes.
LIKES:
Sweet Foods
Clear Skies
Chess/Shogi
Reading
Nature
Brave People
The Honorable
DISLIKES:
Corrupt Organizations
Egocentrics
Bossy People
Fires
Liers
STRENGTHS:
Analyzing a Situation
Thinking Ahead
Athletic
Great Vision and Hearing
Optimism
Loyalty

WEAKNESSES:
A Bit Clumsy
Tendency to Space Out
Not Good at Admitting He is Wrong
Overprotective of Friends
Trusts People to Easily
Has a No Kill Policy




HISTORY:  
Atsa was born in Arizona the only son of a Navajo shaman. Being the son of a shaman Atsa was exposed to magic at a very young age and even began being taught it by his father at the age of eight. His father taught him about lay lines and how to use their energy to heal people through special rituals. His father also taught him how to connect his senses and consciousness to these lines in order sense the location of others within his area. His father taught him many other shamanistic rituals and spells as well since Atsa was suppose to succeed him as the tribe's shaman. Meanwhile, the rest of the tribe taught Atsa how to use weapons, how to stalk prey, and how to give an animal a merciful death.

This training from both the tribe and his father continued for four more years before tragedy struck. It happened on a cold evening in February when Atsa was returning from the reservation from a nearby store his father had sent him to. Before the village even came into sight Atsa could tell something was wrong, as large clouds of smoke were rising in the distance. Atsa began to run at full sprint until he came to the threshold of the village and what consumed his entire view was blood and fire. All the houses were engulfed in flames and the bodies of his tribes members were scattered across the ground maimed or burned in someway or another. Corpses were missing entire limbs or even burned beyond any possible recognition. Despite these horrors Atsa pushed his way through the smoke and fire until he got to the entrance of his house. Just through the door he could hear two voices, one being the voice of his father and the other being someone he didn't recognize but they seemed to be enjoying themselves.

"Please stop this! Neither me or my tribe have done anything that could threaten your cabal'. Those were the words Atsa could hear his father saying from the other side of the door but what was this "cabal" his father was talking about and who was the other person in the room. The other person took a deep breathe before responding to Atsa's father plea, "You see here its not that you people currently pose a threat to us but having other magicians around that aren't part of our group can be a hassle. So we just thought we would get rid of you now before you posed a threat. Sadly, I didn't know who was the magician and the rest of your tribe wouldn't tell me so the simple solution was that if I killed everyone eventually I would find you". Hearing someone say these words so nonchalantly caused Atsa to feel weak in his stomach and at the same time a boiling rage began to built up in him. Before he took any actions however the voice of the person came through the door one last time, "Well I don't have much time to spare so lets end this" and following that statement the sound of bones snapping echoed through the house as well as a muffled cry of pain. Atsa smashed through the door in an attempt to save his father but inside he found the intruder was gone and his father corpse laid on the floor.

All Atsa's strength left his body and he found himself on his knees staring at the bloody pulp that used to be his father. Burning tears blurred his vision as they rolled down his face and a great feeling of emptiness filled his body as his world seemed to fall apart. Only the fall of a burning piece of the ceiling snapped Atsa out of his grief and replace it with a burning hate. He swore to himself he would find out who did this to his tribe and his family and make them suffer for it as he rushed to his father's room. Inside the room he grabbed as many text on shamanism and magic as he could hold before dashing out of the building into the open air.

The following three years would come to be known to Atsa as his "Fallen Years". During this time he abandon the ethics and morals that his father had impressed on him all in the name of revenge against those who had massacred his tribe. He delved into dark magics that were strictly forbidden for any shaman to use but Atsa didn't care about the limitations anymore as he heart and mind had been consumed by hate. During these years he hunted, killed, and even tortured anyone he found associate with the magic cabal that had killed his father and tribe. He felt nothing for his victims nor did he have any regrets about his actions until his last kill.

He had managed to track down a member of the cabal he was looking for and not just any member either. It was the man who started it all, the one who had burned down his village, killed his tribe, and murdered his father. He pinned the man down to be staying in small apartment for a couple days, as for the reasons why the man was staying their Atsa never found out. As he approach the apartment complex that night he had one thing on his mind and that was to kill. Unlike before he wasn't out for information but instead his only goal was the death of his target. Those were his only thoughts when he kicked down the door and quickly lunged stabbing his blade deep into the abdomen.

He didn't even notice the small boy, probably about nine years old, in the room until the man had collapse as a bleeding lump on the floor. The boy fell backwards on to his behind back from the shock and fear filled his eyes as he stared at the Atsa who was now covered in warm dripping blood. As Atsa looked into his eyes a horrible revelation came over him that shook his very being and made him sick to his stomach. Instead of the relief he was expecting after killing he man who had destroy his peaceful life he felt disgusted with himself after looking into the small boy eyes. He found himself rushing out of the house and into the streets.

"What have I done?! Have I just become the same as the man he took everything away from me? How am I better then him now?!" were the thoughts Atsa found himself screaming in his head as he wandered about the streets. He threw off his bloody garments as the guilt from all the people he killed and tortured flooded over him all at once. For days after he found himself shaking and vomiting constantly out of the terror of the realization of what he had become. It took three weeks before he could even leave the room he had rented in town and the day he left his apartment he left the country as well with his destination set to London, England.

He had come to England with one goal and one goal alone. To find the organization known as Necessarius that he had heard about during his time looking for he cabal that had killed his tribe. Luckily for him it didn't take to long for him to find a chapel that served as one of Necessarius' bases. Before walking past the threshold of the chapel he sworn to himself in his mind that he would gain power to stop anyone from suffering his same fate and he swore to himself that he would never kill someone again unless it was absolutely necessary.


RANK: Member
(MAGIC NAME): Legatum373 "He who will carry on the legacy"- This was the name that Atsa took when he first began learning magic from his father. This was his promise to himself that he would carry on his father's role as a shaman and to carry out this role honorable just as his father had. After his tribe and father were killed he lost sight of his own magic name in his lust for revenge until after his final kill. After this he swore to himself once again that he would follow the righteous path his father had left behind and he also swore to never again let himself forget his reason for learning magic.

Shamanism: This magic comes from tribal belief in a shaman, someone would could connect to the spiritual forces of nature. The main application of this magic that Atsa uses is its healing techniques, which revolve around the expelling of evil and the attraction of good. There are many healing ceremonies in Navajo shamanism but Atsa tends to use The Night Chant. This ritual is split into three parts; Purification;Healing; and The Reprise. The first part of the ritual is the consecration of a the site where the healing will be performed and the purification of those involved in the ritual. This step is composed of many chants, prayers, ceremonial washings, and rites of exorcism.  The second part is the healing as stated before, this part is composed of four sessions of exorcism songs and four sand paintings, which are drawings of spiritual yeii using crushed colorful minerals and plants. The last part exists to represented the ending of the ritual and is composed of the dance of thunderbirds, the dance of Naakai, and the singing of The House Made of Dawn. This ritual lasts for nine days and nights but if it is complete Atsa can heal multiple fatal wounds or illnesses and can even bring someone back from the verge of death. Atsa can also speed up this ritual by shortening chants and ceremonies but it comes at the cost of lessened healing. If the time is cut in half the ritual will be able to heal multiple broken bones, severe wounds, reattached severe limbs, and cure severe poisons and illnesses. This means the ritual will be unable to heal any fatal wounds or fatal illness. If the time is cut in half again the ritual will only be able heal a few broken bones, large wounds,  and cure strong poisons, and  illnesses. This ritual can be shortened to the most an hour. If the ritual is lessened to an hour it will only be able to heal a broken bone, average wounds, and minor poisons and illnesses. Another characteristic of this ritual is that while it is being performed the person being healed is put in a stabilize state, meaning any damage they have taken can not progress so they won't bleed out or succumb to poisons or illness while they are being healed. Lastly, this healing does not how a limit on how many people can be healed at once. Anyone who is inside the area that has been consecrated will benefit from the effects of the healing.

Another application of shamanism is the ability for Atsa to connect his senses to the lay lines to track or locate someone within a mile radius around him as long as they are on the ground. The last application of Shamanism is a connection with natural forces meaning that Atsa can communicate with plants and animals as long as they are within close proximity to him.

House Made of Dawn: http://www.hanksville.org/voyage/poems/fulldawn.html


Spirit Animals: In shamanistic beliefs that every person has a spirit animal, which is a spirit of nature that has similar traits to you and is suppose to guide you. For Atsa this special animal takes the form of an eagle. Using magic Atsa is able to link his spirit animal to a eagle(s) that exists in the physical world thus allowing him to take control of it(them). The way to link his spirit animal to an actually eagle simply requires to pluck one of the birds feathers, which he must then keep on his person, and then tie a strand of his hair around a part of the bird, the hair tends to be tied around one of the bird's legs. If Atsa loses the feather or the hair is removed from the bird the connection will between the bird and Atsa will be broken.

Using his spirit animal Atsa can scan out an area from a bird eye view or even check out a building without going inside it himself. While most of the time the spirit animal is just used for surveillance it can also be used to attack an enemy but it doesn't have any more strength then a normal eagle does, meaning it can be killed quite easily.

Animal Aspect: As stated above shamanism carries a belief in spirit animals that help guide and help people. This spell allows Atsa to give himself the traits of his spirit animal. To activate this spell Atsa must used the sand painting and traditional chants and songs again. In the sand Atsa will quickly paint an image of his spiritual animal while singing a shorten chant. Once that is done Atsa will enter a trance like state and will now be able to benefit from the traits of his spirit animal. In this state Atsa will be able to move up to speeds 40% faster and his movement will seem more like gliding than running. He will be able to jump incredible distances, about nine feet vertically and forty feet horizontally. Lastly, his eyesight will become six times more powerful.

Skin Walker: This magic is based of the Native American legend of skin walkers, hence the name. Skin Walkers were priests or witches that attained supernatural power, specifically the ability to transform into an animal of their choosing. Using these legends as a base Atsa can temporarily take the traits of an animal of his choosing through wearing their skin and getting on all fours. For example if he were to wear a wolves pelt his sense of smell and hearing would become equal to that of a wolf's and along with those changes he would grow sharp claws and fangs. Another example would be if he wore a bear pelt, he would again gain claws but this time instead of an increase in senses his strength would increase to that equal to that of a bear's. Once activated this transformation will only last for thirty minutes and the spell is deactivate if the animal skin is taken off Atsa. The downside to this spell is that if someones calls out Atsa's full name in his presence, while the spell is activated, the spell will end immediately and Atsa will be subjected to a large amount of pain.


OTHER ABILITIES:
(Herbology)
Being a shaman Atsa knows a lot about herbs and the different effects they have on the human body. Using this knowledge he is able to create many herbal medicine and at the same time he can use his knowledge of plants to create an equal amount of poisons.

(Animal Skins, Feathers, Other Odds and Ends)
Due to the fact that a good percent of his magical ability revolves around the use of animal remains Atsa constantly carries some around with him. He will usually have a couple animals skins hidden inside his clothing to use for quick transformation get away if need be. He will also usually have a bag with him that he will use to carry around containers of eagle feathers and other items he needs for shamanistic rituals, such as oils, incense, crystals, herbs, sand, and crushed minerals.

(Lay Line Sensing)
Another benefit of being a shaman is that Atsa can sense the location of Ley Lines as long as they are near him. This ability becomes quite useful when Atsa is unfamiliar with the area he is in.

(Archery)
Atsa is a master archer and is able to accurately hit a target from 275 meters away. However, since he follows a No Kill Policy these shots will usually be directed at the targets legs or arms instead of the head or the torso. The arrows he uses might also be poison tipped due to his knowledge of herbology and will induce drowsiness or extraordinary pain depending on the poison.

(Adequate Hand to Hand Combat
Atsa is no expert in hand to hand combat but he is good enough at it to be able to beat down anyone who is especially trained in martial arts. As for his fighting style with his hands it quite brutal and revolves around powerful swings towards the head, throat, and solar plexus. In the end though he won't be able to defeat anyone who has any strong ability in hand to hand combat.

(Stealth)
This is an ability that Atsa learned during his time hunting with the tribe. Through these hunts Atsa learned to walk silently, stay hidden out of his targets view, to blend in with his environment, and he learned what to do when your target begins to catch on to you. Humans also tend to be less careful then animals due to the fact they are not always in an eat or be eaten situation and as such Atsa finds it easy to keep himself hidden from the untrained eye.

(Trilingual)
Atsa's initial language was Navajo and it didn't take long for him to pick up English due to the fact that a very large percent of Americans speak this language. He also learned Japanese but he did not pick this up as easily as the other two languages because he was not born around people who spoke Japanese. But after a year of almost 24/7 practice he gained the ability to speak fluent Japanese with only minor slip ups once in a while.

Pet Eagle
Atsa has a pet eagle that he brings with him everywhere he goes. This eagle can usually be found sitting on his shoulder or flying around the air above him. This eagle also allows him to use his spirit animal spell no matter where he goes. Through its odd to give an animal a human trait it should be said that this bird is quite cynical and doesn't trust anyone it doesn't know well. This results in this bird pecking at stranger or people Atsa doesn't know well if they try to touch him.




CHARACTER THEME: No themes at this point in time


PLAYER'S NAME: Atsa Tsinaajinii
CHATANGO NAME: Tempus373
RATING: M
FACE CLAIM: N/A
OTHER CHARACTERS: N/A
MISC. INFORMATION: I don't know how powerful abilities should be so I just left them as they were. If some are to strong or to weak tell me and I will change them.


Last edited by Atsa Tsinaajinii on Fri May 20, 2016 12:43 am; edited 17 times in total

Atsa Tsinaajinii
Legatum373

Posts : 42
Join date : 2016-05-06
Location : London, England

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Re: [Magician] Atsa Tsinaajinii

Post  Atsa Tsinaajinii on Sun May 08, 2016 11:59 pm

Test Post:

Hot, red blood poured down Atsa's left arm from a burning bullet sized hole in his bicep as he leaned against the cold wall of the metal corridor. Around him alarms were blazing loudly throughout the facility and the footsteps of the infuriated magicians echoed throughout the halls. "Shit..." Atsa murmured to himself as he quickly torn a long piece of fabric out of his shirt and tied it around the hole in his arm. "Why the hell did I think it was a good idea to come here without any backup?!" he continued but this time the volume of his voice had increase, a decision he was about to regret. Just as he finished this sentence three magician ran into the corridor he was hiding in and raised their magic items. Asta's stomach turned as he recognized the magician in the front of the group to be the one who had given him his wound.
The next few minutes consist entirely of Atsa sprinting down halls and passages throughout the facility in an attempt to shake of his pursuers. Usually Atsa be able to take care of three magicians of this class easily but he was a close range expert while his pursuers were mid to long range specialist and they didn't give him any time to prepare any of his spells or rituals. Instead all Atsa could do was run and try his best to avoid their attacks but by this time he has been hit by quite a few which could be seen quite easily by the blood stains slowly spreading across his shirt. Then Atsa had his lucky strike as managed to find a small room with a lockable metal door.
As he ran in he slammed the door behind him and turned the lock. With three magicians this door would just barely buy him a couple of seconds before it got blown in but that was enough. Quickly he unzipped his bag and took out a small glass jar holding strips of canine flesh in it. "Your trapped now so just come out and accept your fate" he heard one of the magician yell from the other side of the door. Usually, Atsa would have respond to that with some smart ass remark but he was currently straining himself to eat and swallow the raw canine flesh to pay there comments any heed. A few moments later the three magicians blew the door it, just like Atsa had predicted, but this time the situation had change as they were in close quarters now and Atsa had managed to complete one of his spells.
The magicians entered the as the smoke from the demolish door and found themselves looking into a pair of piercing red eyes. Before any of them could manage to react a Atsa's now clawed hand shot out and grab the collar of the magician who was standing closest to him. This magician was finished in a single moment as Atsa threw him head first into the wall behind him as if he was a rag doll and with a large crash the magician slammed into the wall and slumped to the floor. The other magicians quickly tried attack Atsa but he had grabbed their wooden magic items while they were raising them and crush them in his hands. Following the destruction of their weapons, Atsa release a quick punch into the chest of one of the two remaining magicians sending the poor individual flying backwards into the hallway with a large cracking noise as three of their ribs broke from the impact.
This left one last pursuer to be taken care of and Atsa had made certain that it was the one who had put a hole in his arm. With his right hand he grabbed the man by the throat and slammed him up against the wall. "It seems to be my turn to pass judgement now doesn't it? Don't worry I intend to pay you back in full maybe even with a little interest but first I have some questions I want you to answer. First what is the name of the cabal your group works with? Secondly, who are the leaders and noteworthy members of this cabal? and lastly where can I find them?" Atsa said as he held the magician against the wall but the response he receive from the man spit to the face. "Okay than we will do it the hard way" Atsa stated as he sunk his clawed hands into the former pursuers stomach and pierced his claws through the skin.
Ten minutes later Atsa exited the room back in his normal form but with an arm covered in another man's blood and still no information on the cabal that had murdered his tribe. He silently exited the facility carefully avoiding the line of sight of the other magician there and drifted in the the street as if he had never been in the facility in the first place. "Another magician group one by but still no information on the one I am looking for. I guess its time to call it a day and wait until I find new group to interrogate" Atsa thought to himself as he slowly made his way down the streets of London.

Atsa Tsinaajinii
Legatum373

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Re: [Magician] Atsa Tsinaajinii

Post  Edana Callan on Tue May 10, 2016 10:57 pm

Can I make it before midnight? Let’s find out!!

I. Magicians and Academy City - The Proper Place in the World
This is the point where I often start out, isn’t it? Either way it is a necessary mention for any Magician profile, ever since it was officially settled on, but we would prefer our Magicians to stay out of Academy City, for the simple reason of that Treaty that stands between Magic and Science. That ban that treaty imposes on the meddling with the other side’s business is quite strict, meaning it would usually result in a rather unfortunate situation for any magician performing the crime of meddling, even if it only consisted of stepping into that city’s grounds.
Besides that, at this point there is nothing for Magicians to grasp in Academy City, are there no plot options or anything at all. Therefore I would suggest you to refocus him on the world of Magic and Magic Side threads, which happen in the rest of the world. And while I’m at it, I would like you to consider having him join Necessarius, as that would be the easiest route for a Magician character to find involvement options at the current time, not to say the near and farther future.

II. Him - It’s a little…off
Thinking about this character I somehow feel like he doesn’t fully fit the image I have of a shaman. I don’t really know, but at this point his shamanism is only a slight side effect serving along side the impression of a warrior, as simple as it gets. He is out for combat and not really drawn towards the spiritual world - at least that is the impression I have been getting. I can see that it may relate to his desire to take revenge that lead him astray, on the other hand it still feels like there is something more to invest thought into. As it stands now I see an odd contrast between the spiritual man and the man of bloodshed. Please try to link those.

III. The Magic Name - It’s important after all!
Nothing against you or anyone, but I have been faced with this point quite often over the course of my moderation duties and it hasn’t changed much ever since. The point is, a Magic Name might be the most important information in the profile or at least the history section. It is that thing every Magician carves into their soul at the beginning of their journey, the very desire that drove them to invest themselves into Magic, the very will they carry in themselves that is driving them. Thus it is of utmost importance for a Magician applicant to elaborate a little on it and why it came into being.
So please do that. Grant us some insight on that name, where it comes from and what it really means. A single sentence wouldn't suffice, I’d say.

IV. Spells - The Fruits of my Research
As stated on the chatbox, I took myself some time to read stuff about shamanism in order to guarantee my usual quality. After all, as it stands with To Aru, the Magic Side is quite focussed on the lore it is based on. Spells don’t simply come from nowhere - even though they do tend to stretch things a little. Either way, comparing the contents of the spell section with the results of my own research, I came to a quick result (prove me wrong if I should actually be wrong):

I feel like there is a lack. You describe one of the abilities granted as healing, but I don’t see any further elaboration on what those rituals would actually turn out to be, a detail that would be rather important at this point.

Furthermore certain parts just don’t fit with the concept of a shaman. Let’s take that Lycantrophy spell for example: What exactly is its link to the concept of communicating with the spiritual world or the overall arts of the shamans? I do feel like this is a little bit of stretching you’re doing there. Especially considering you’re leaving the domain of his own spirit animal by giving him wolfish traits. Maybe you should head more into the direction of Atsa’s own spirit animal.

Lastly, the Skin-Walker based spell. From what I found out those Skin-Walkers are the complete opposite of what a shaman is in the Navajo culture, so to say the evil that is entirely different from his very purpose and education. Therefore I wouldn’t consider this the most appropriate spell for someone following his belief to follow, unless of course he has reason to abandon the usual rule books and seek paths that head into different directions in order to accomplish his revenge.
You might wanna give me some more elaboration there as well. I’d say it is possible to keep in, but I would like to see some more reasoning~
Actually…wouldn’t it be wiser to raise the scale a little? Animals only native to North America is a little low, especially if you are required to obtain their skin first anyway. You could stretch the ability a little, you know.


And with this I close the pages for the first post of this evaluation. I would ask you to read through my comment carefully and approach me or others with questions if any should arise. Also, please don’t worry, this is the usual Magician eval length Razz

Edana Callan
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Re: [Magician] Atsa Tsinaajinii

Post  Atsa Tsinaajinii on Fri May 13, 2016 4:12 am

Edana Callan wrote:Can I make it before midnight? Let’s find out!!

I. Magicians and Academy City - The Proper Place in the World
This is the point where I often start out, isn’t it? Either way it is a necessary mention for any Magician profile, ever since it was officially settled on, but we would prefer our Magicians to stay out of Academy City, for the simple reason of that Treaty that stands between Magic and Science. That ban that treaty imposes on the meddling with the other side’s business is quite strict, meaning it would usually result in a rather unfortunate situation for any magician performing the crime of meddling, even if it only consisted of stepping into that city’s grounds.
Besides that, at this point there is nothing for Magicians to grasp in Academy City, are there no plot options or anything at all. Therefore I would suggest you to refocus him on the world of Magic and Magic Side threads, which happen in the rest of the world. And while I’m at it, I would like you to consider having him join Necessarius, as that would be the easiest route for a Magician character to find involvement options at the current time, not to say the near and farther future.

II. Him - It’s a little…off
Thinking about this character I somehow feel like he doesn’t fully fit the image I have of a shaman. I don’t really know, but at this point his shamanism is only a slight side effect serving along side the impression of a warrior, as simple as it gets. He is out for combat and not really drawn towards the spiritual world - at least that is the impression I have been getting. I can see that it may relate to his desire to take revenge that lead him astray, on the other hand it still feels like there is something more to invest thought into. As it stands now I see an odd contrast between the spiritual man and the man of bloodshed. Please try to link those.

III. The Magic Name - It’s important after all!
Nothing against you or anyone, but I have been faced with this point quite often over the course of my moderation duties and it hasn’t changed much ever since. The point is, a Magic Name might be the most important information in the profile or at least the history section. It is that thing every Magician carves into their soul at the beginning of their journey, the very desire that drove them to invest themselves into Magic, the very will they carry in themselves that is driving them. Thus it is of utmost importance for a Magician applicant to elaborate a little on it and why it came into being.
So please do that. Grant us some insight on that name, where it comes from and what it really means. A single sentence wouldn't suffice, I’d say.

IV. Spells - The Fruits of my Research
As stated on the chatbox, I took myself some time to read stuff about shamanism in order to guarantee my usual quality. After all, as it stands with To Aru, the Magic Side is quite focussed on the lore it is based on. Spells don’t simply come from nowhere - even though they do tend to stretch things a little. Either way, comparing the contents of the spell section with the results of my own research, I came to a quick result (prove me wrong if I should actually be wrong):

I feel like there is a lack. You describe one of the abilities granted as healing, but I don’t see any further elaboration on what those rituals would actually turn out to be, a detail that would be rather important at this point.

Furthermore certain parts just don’t fit with the concept of a shaman. Let’s take that Lycantrophy spell for example: What exactly is its link to the concept of communicating with the spiritual world or the overall arts of the shamans? I do feel like this is a little bit of stretching you’re doing there. Especially considering you’re leaving the domain of his own spirit animal by giving him wolfish traits. Maybe you should head more into the direction of Atsa’s own spirit animal.

Lastly, the Skin-Walker based spell. From what I found out those Skin-Walkers are the complete opposite of what a shaman is in the Navajo culture, so to say the evil that is entirely different from his very purpose and education. Therefore I wouldn’t consider this the most appropriate spell for someone following his belief to follow, unless of course he has reason to abandon the usual rule books and seek paths that head into different directions in order to accomplish his revenge.
You might wanna give me some more elaboration there as well. I’d say it is possible to keep in, but I would like to see some more reasoning~
Actually…wouldn’t it be wiser to raise the scale a little? Animals only native to North America is a little low, especially if you are required to obtain their skin first anyway. You could stretch the ability a little, you know.


And with this I close the pages for the first post of this evaluation. I would ask you to read through my comment carefully and approach me or others with questions if any should arise. Also, please don’t worry, this is the usual Magician eval length Razz

I think I managed to fix everything you asked me to do. I had him go through a dark evil period during which he practiced evil and forbidden shaman magics. I also explained the ritual for healings, took your advice about lycanthropy and changed it into borrowing aspects from his own spiritual animal. I left the Skin Walker but said that it was the only spell he still uses that he learned during his "Fallen Years". Finally, I think I managed to move him more towards a spiritual man at the end rather than a killer.

If there is anything I missed or if their is anything new I need to correct tell me and I will get to it right away. Very Happy

Atsa Tsinaajinii
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Re: [Magician] Atsa Tsinaajinii

Post  Edana Callan on Sat May 14, 2016 8:06 pm

And one and two and one, two…?!

For this cycle of the evaluation I settled on focussing on the spells. I may have something to say about the history as well, but I will save that for the time when we have solved the overall spell section. Please be patient with me, though, I dug deep this time.


III. The Magic Name - Reminder

Looking at both the history and the Magic Name section, I don’t see any changes in regards to the Magic Name. Did I overlook something? If not I would like to request you to add the motivation behind his Magic Name into the profile, for the reasons I explained in my first evaluation post.


IV. Spells - The Fruits of Research

Last time I did research, this time I did even more. I dug a little, as I was conflicted over the right method to treat this profile. By the end I simply settled on searching for explanations on shamanism done by the Navajo myself, with the result of actually finding quite something interesting. Admittedly you really got me interested in this topic, so I may have gotten a little out of hand. BUT I do have changes to request yet again, paired with means that would actually be faithful to the Navajo traditions.

First of all, I do believe that you should alter the rituals according to the way the Navajo truly hold their rituals, as that’d make a lot more sense in the overall context, instead of making up things fully on your own. From here on out I shall be referring to this and that article.

From what I saw in there the basis of many Navajo rituals is the usage of sand paintings. Obviously sand isn’t an omnipresent thing, therefore I would suggest for Atsa to always carry some around in order to make some on the scratch for the effect of quick casting.

The healing spell could be fully based on the ritual described there, not making any difference between using it on himself or on others.

The spirit animal spell is my issue at this phase of thinking. Preferably I would like to avoid materialisation into the world, for that process being a little complicated. My suggestion would be sticking to linking himself with eagles that occur in nature or that he brings along with himself. That’d allow to increase the amount of eagles out there and be a lot easier to handle. Otherwise we may have to talk about a better method of materialisation than the current one.

The animal aspect spell could be caused through falling into a trance via a quickly executed ritual involving sand paintings and maybe songs yet again. It’d be more of a meditation than a real outside effect though. Therefore there wouldn’t be any changes to his physical appearance or overall form. However there would still be the effect of him moving lighter, jumping higher and farther, while his senses would be sharpened much like an eagle’s or something into that direction, just no real transformation.

The skin walker spell is something very interesting, yet may require some changes to make it a little better. Right now it’s just a spell that transforms him into an animal which’s skin he wears. I would suggest to make that his combat skill instead of leaving it as a simple transformation (after all it’s the forbidden spell for the otherwise all too peaceful shamnism). Let’s say that spell would actually be the one to give him the physical prowess of the animal he chooses, giving him the physical changes etc. instead of the animal aspect one. So to say he would gain the claws and similarity to any animal whose skin he uses for this spell, while gaining different boosts for different kinds of animals.
Like that he would have some more offensive potential, but on the other hand real animal transformation wouldn’t be in.

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Re: [Magician] Atsa Tsinaajinii

Post  Atsa Tsinaajinii on Sun May 15, 2016 12:31 am

Edana Callan wrote:And one and two and one, two…?!

For this cycle of the evaluation I settled on focussing on the spells. I may have something to say about the history as well, but I will save that for the time when we have solved the overall spell section. Please be patient with me, though, I dug deep this time.


III. The Magic Name - Reminder

Looking at both the history and the Magic Name section, I don’t see any changes in regards to the Magic Name. Did I overlook something? If not I would like to request you to add the motivation behind his Magic Name into the profile, for the reasons I explained in my first evaluation post.


IV. Spells - The Fruits of Research

Last time I did research, this time I did even more. I dug a little, as I was conflicted over the right method to treat this profile. By the end I simply settled on searching for explanations on shamanism done by the Navajo myself, with the result of actually finding quite something interesting. Admittedly you really got me interested in this topic, so I may have gotten a little out of hand. BUT I do have changes to request yet again, paired with means that would actually be faithful to the Navajo traditions.

First of all, I do believe that you should alter the rituals according to the way the Navajo truly hold their rituals, as that’d make a lot more sense in the overall context, instead of making up things fully on your own. From here on out I shall be referring to this and that article.

From what I saw in there the basis of many Navajo rituals is the usage of sand paintings. Obviously sand isn’t an omnipresent thing, therefore I would suggest for Atsa to always carry some around in order to make some on the scratch for the effect of quick casting.

The healing spell could be fully based on the ritual described there, not making any difference between using it on himself or on others.

The spirit animal spell is my issue at this phase of thinking. Preferably I would like to avoid materialisation into the world, for that process being a little complicated. My suggestion would be sticking to linking himself with eagles that occur in nature or that he brings along with himself. That’d allow to increase the amount of eagles out there and be a lot easier to handle. Otherwise we may have to talk about a better method of materialisation than the current one.

The animal aspect spell could be caused through falling into a trance via a quickly executed ritual involving sand paintings and maybe songs yet again. It’d be more of a meditation than a real outside effect though. Therefore there wouldn’t be any changes to his physical appearance or overall form. However there would still be the effect of him moving lighter, jumping higher and farther, while his senses would be sharpened much like an eagle’s or something into that direction, just no real transformation.

The skin walker spell is something very interesting, yet may require some changes to make it a little better. Right now it’s just a spell that transforms him into an animal which’s skin he wears. I would suggest to make that his combat skill instead of leaving it as a simple transformation (after all it’s the forbidden spell for the otherwise all too peaceful shamnism). Let’s say that spell would actually be the one to give him the physical prowess of the animal he chooses, giving him the physical changes etc. instead of the animal aspect one. So to say he would gain the claws and similarity to any animal whose skin he uses for this spell, while gaining different boosts for different kinds of animals.
Like that he would have some more offensive potential, but on the other hand real animal transformation wouldn’t be in.

Okay I think I made all the changes you suggested. As for the healing ritual I decided to use The Night Chant as stated above. I simplified this ritual for the sake of not consuming a huge amount of space, I hope that is okay. If you want to see where I found The Night Ritual here is the link http://www.hanksville.org/voyage/navajo/ceremonials.php3 . Also for how much the spell could actually heal I sorta improvised so it could be too powerful. As for the rest of them I took your advise for how to change them.

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Re: [Magician] Atsa Tsinaajinii

Post  Edana Callan on Mon May 16, 2016 8:22 pm

The event of progress is always the most welcomed. This time we’ve gotten really far, yet the end of the road has still to arrive.


III. Magic Name - The Difficult Part

You know, this is actually something that represents this whole third round of the evaluation, going by the fact that this is another attempt at fine tuning. But I do believe that the current explanation for the Magic Name is weak in regards to the time he wrote it upon his soul and also in regards to his dedication.
Basically those two promises it is intended to reflect are easy to tear apart. His desire to stop people from experiencing the same tragedy, is something that was born within him way after he started to learn magic. The same obviously goes for the second promise which was forged after achieving actual revenge. However, the Magic Name is something meant to reflect his desire leading him to mastering Magic in the first place…which would either be revenge or something from before his father’s death that he may have forgotten along the bloody path and then regained at its end.
Think about it carefully. Magic Names are easy and yet at times extremely difficult to grasp.


IV. Spells - Time to fix things up

We’re now at the third step of the overall spell evaluation, meaning we’re really deep into it, maybe even at the bottom. However we are not yet done.

The first thing that sticks out after the edits, is the many traces left over from the original versions of the spells. A good example would be the Animal Aspect still referring to the materialisation of his spirit animal into the real world the original version of the Spirit Animal spell held as its main quality, but this isn’t the only one, there are still plenty more. So please try to find them and fix up the spells as much as you can, making the profile a little cleaner.

Speaking of the Animal Aspect, it still gathers some of my concerns. You talk about the preparation time for the ritual being the huge amount that is five minutes. I could approve it that way, but to my taste this is a little too long for a spell that might prove useful to be used right on the scratch. You could really lower the time by a lot, making it just a requirement to scribble a quick eagle with sand and performing an extremely shortened chant still holding the characteristics of a long one.
Additionally, please remove the increase of physical strength he would gain here. We’re talking about an eagle, not a bear. The same goes for that insane increase in speed. 60mph is too much, even for a Magician. Tone it down towards something similar to placing 30-40% of his original movement speed on top.

The Skin Walker spell looks quite fine to me. Only request would be adding another limiter, like the removal of the animal skin cancelling the spell’s effect as well.

Jumping back to the top quite randomly (screw the system of order!) it would be neat if there was something to show the link between him and the eagles he is grasping control over, like taking one of their feathers and exchanging them with a hair of his, or something into that direction. Through that losing the feather would function as the spells cancellation trigger.


V. Necessarius - Just some Information

I suggested it, so I actually need to give a short pointer about it. From now on it will be assumed that he joined Necessarius some time ago and that he passed the tremendously difficult Entrance Exam, which is usually the kind of thing really driving a Magician to their edge. There would be no need of mentioning it here, but please bear in mind that this is a fact. For now he will already be considered an official member, a newbie, but still an official member of Necessarius.

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Re: [Magician] Atsa Tsinaajinii

Post  Atsa Tsinaajinii on Tue May 17, 2016 4:35 am

Edana Callan wrote:The event of progress is always the most welcomed. This time we’ve gotten really far, yet the end of the road has still to arrive.


III. Magic Name - The Difficult Part

You know, this is actually something that represents this whole third round of the evaluation, going by the fact that this is another attempt at fine tuning. But I do believe that the current explanation for the Magic Name is weak in regards to the time he wrote it upon his soul and also in regards to his dedication.
Basically those two promises it is intended to reflect are easy to tear apart. His desire to stop people from experiencing the same tragedy, is something that was born within him way after he started to learn magic. The same obviously goes for the second promise which was forged after achieving actual revenge. However, the Magic Name is something meant to reflect his desire leading him to mastering Magic in the first place…which would either be revenge or something from before his father’s death that he may have forgotten along the bloody path and then regained at its end.
Think about it carefully. Magic Names are easy and yet at times extremely difficult to grasp.


IV. Spells - Time to fix things up

We’re now at the third step of the overall spell evaluation, meaning we’re really deep into it, maybe even at the bottom. However we are not yet done.

The first thing that sticks out after the edits, is the many traces left over from the original versions of the spells. A good example would be the Animal Aspect still referring to the materialisation of his spirit animal into the real world the original version of the Spirit Animal spell held as its main quality, but this isn’t the only one, there are still plenty more. So please try to find them and fix up the spells as much as you can, making the profile a little cleaner.

Speaking of the Animal Aspect, it still gathers some of my concerns. You talk about the preparation time for the ritual being the huge amount that is five minutes. I could approve it that way, but to my taste this is a little too long for a spell that might prove useful to be used right on the scratch. You could really lower the time by a lot, making it just a requirement to scribble a quick eagle with sand and performing an extremely shortened chant still holding the characteristics of a long one.
Additionally, please remove the increase of physical strength he would gain here. We’re talking about an eagle, not a bear. The same goes for that insane increase in speed. 60mph is too much, even for a Magician. Tone it down towards something similar to placing 30-40% of his original movement speed on top.

The Skin Walker spell looks quite fine to me. Only request would be adding another limiter, like the removal of the animal skin cancelling the spell’s effect as well.

Jumping back to the top quite randomly (screw the system of order!) it would be neat if there was something to show the link between him and the eagles he is grasping control over, like taking one of their feathers and exchanging them with a hair of his, or something into that direction. Through that losing the feather would function as the spells cancellation trigger.


V. Necessarius - Just some Information

I suggested it, so I actually need to give a short pointer about it. From now on it will be assumed that he joined Necessarius some time ago and that he passed the tremendously difficult Entrance Exam, which is usually the kind of thing really driving a Magician to their edge. There would be no need of mentioning it here, but please bear in mind that this is a fact. For now he will already be considered an official member, a newbie, but still an official member of Necessarius.

Okay I think I covered everything that needs to be changed that is listed above. I am sorry if I missed anything. As for the strength concept in the Animal Aspect it did turn out just to be the increase of vision strength but I worded the sentence badly so it sounded confusing. I had to change my magic name completely because I could think of a good line to fit the word time in since Tempus means time. Anyways thank you for taking the time to evaluate my character. Very Happy

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Re: [Magician] Atsa Tsinaajinii

Post  Edana Callan on Thu May 19, 2016 10:36 pm

Siiigh, I'm sorry I wasn't able to handle this earlier, but RL and discussions got in the way of our little adventure. Well then let's have a look...

...

OK, bad news: I still found something I need you to change.

Last time I actually did research, but I skipped one rather important point, the Skin-Walker spell, which I now looked upon, quickly. Usually I would go the add a little more symbolism than just wearing the skin, like him lowering himself to all fours or something, but I’m not forcing it this time - you could of course add it.
The only thing I want you to add is a weak spot, referring to the act of calling the Skin-Walker’s full name. That could for example cause the spell to be dispelled as well, or something like that (I’d like to avoid the terrible side effects mentioned in my source).

I’m basing my claim off of this little piece btw.

Once you’re done I suppose this evaluation is really over, unless I truly dig. Which I hopefully won’t~

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Re: [Magician] Atsa Tsinaajinii

Post  Atsa Tsinaajinii on Fri May 20, 2016 12:45 am

Edana Callan wrote:Siiigh, I'm sorry I wasn't able to handle this earlier, but RL and discussions got in the way of our little adventure. Well then let's have a look...

...

OK, bad news: I still found something I need you to change.

Last time I actually did research, but I skipped one rather important point, the Skin-Walker spell, which I now looked upon, quickly. Usually I would go the add a little more symbolism than just wearing the skin, like him lowering himself to all fours or something, but I’m not forcing it this time - you could of course add it.
The only thing I want you to add is a weak spot, referring to the act of calling the Skin-Walker’s full name. That could for example cause the spell to be dispelled as well, or something like that (I’d like to avoid the terrible side effects mentioned in my source).

I’m basing my claim off of this little piece btw.

Once you’re done I suppose this evaluation is really over, unless I truly dig. Which I hopefully won’t~

Okay I added those changes. I included Atsa being put in a large amount of pain if his name is called just so it connects somehow to the actual effect. If you want to dig deeper its perfectly fine with me, its up to you in the end.

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Re: [Magician] Atsa Tsinaajinii

Post  Leivinia Birdway on Fri May 20, 2016 5:07 pm

It's been a while since I logged into this account. Gotten a bit dusty, haven't ya?

Either way, me doing so means that I shall deliver the following, after a long and thorough eval:


Now do us all the favour and never leave this place~

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