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[Esper] Ichinose Mitsuki

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[Esper] Ichinose Mitsuki Empty [Esper] Ichinose Mitsuki

Post  Ichinose Mitsuki on Mon Apr 08, 2019 7:29 pm

(Ichinose Mitsuki)

(lvl: N/a , Ability: PyroMaster)

[Esper] Ichinose Mitsuki 006a841323d929a7b77c81cc70cc6014

"One’s background shouldn’t define their future, don’t underestimate someone because of where they came."




FULL NAME: Ichinose Mitsuki
OTHER ALIAS: The Crimson Raven(self-proclaimed)
CURRENT AGE: 17
GENDER: Male
OCCUPATION: Part-time retailer at convenience store  
SCHOOL: Nagatenjouki Academy
FACTION: N/A



APPEARANCE: Mitsuki is a male of above average height standing almost close to a full six feet tall. He has long rugged black hair that reaches down just below his shoulders with tan brown skin that would make most think he is foreign. He has a light muscular build and with a slight glare to his eyes that makes him seem slightly intimidating to some. He wears a red headband with a single stripe that is black with thin white on both sides along his head sometimes or he’ll wear his hair in a ponytail. Most of the time he’ll be wearing his school uniform but outside of school when he’s relaxing he’ll wear jeans and a black dress shirt that is short sleeved.

HEIGHT: 5'11
WEIGHT:  170lbs or 77.1kg
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: He has a cross-shaped scar along his left shoulder that was due to a small fight he had in middle school with someone who was used wind that miscalculated their attack and accidentally cut him in that area copying an attack they saw on TV. He holds no grudge against the person and it’s healed over the years.



PERSONALITY:
(Introverted)
When being alone he is reserved in his own thoughts, and he plays off this and his awareness of his surroundings and people, making it so he plays things close to chest so when he shows trust to someone it is his honest decision.
(Sympathetic) 
Basically the good cop side to him as he is initially is kind to those who come to him, evident of how his mother raised apart from his father which causes him to see the good in others before putting any bias or negative feelings in front of his own mind.
(Analytic)
He tends to be able to read others expressions, body language, and has a grasp of situations when entering them, so he’s not ignorant to what is happening. Mainly brought up by how his father raised him in their household. This gives him at least a fairer judgement when looking at the people he meets. Which incidentally makes him blunt when it comes to talking to others.
(Stern)
This is where the bad cop side comes by his father’s influence when it comes to being serious when the situation calls for little to no humor. So when telling the truth to someone, or speaking on serious topics, he is not one to fool around at all.


LIKES:
Practicing anti-esper martial arts
Stargazing
Exercising
Cooking
Reading

DISLIKES:
Dishonest people
Those who mock others because of social status
People who pick on the poor
Overly loud people

STRENGTHS:
Knowledge of Martial arts:  He is at least decent with the fighting style that his father had taught him to be able to deal with espers that is taught within anti-skill, he adopted this to be able to deal with conflict without bringing actual harm to the person.  
Endurance and Stamina: Doing the anti-esper martial art his father taught him made him gain a good amount of pain tolerance. This also increase his stamina which helps in most physical activities.
Keen mind and eye: Mitsuki is good at analyzing his surroundings and the others in the environment due to both his parents influence to be sensitive to his surroundings so as to lower his possibility of misreading a room.
WEAKNESSES:
Lack of Mercy: Mitsuki doesn't like to give mercy to those who have done wrong as he sometimes sees no reason to as his sterness comes out over sympathy
Power counters: Water, wind, electricity type espers tend to be a bit of a bad match-up against him. Not Impossible to get over, but definitely not easy in the slightest.
Lying: Because of his influence by his father’s strict attitude, he isn’t good at lying to others and feels guilt doing so.
Bluntness: Due to his analytical part of his personality he tends to be a bit blunt with his responses which can seem cruel to those looking from the outside point of view.



HISTORY: Mitsuki was born and raised inside Academy City.He was born to a father who worked as a member of Anti-Skill and having a job as an accountant, while his mother was a nurturing daycare worker to help bring some extra money to the house. This made for a somewhat balanced household, with his father taking quite the dedication to disciplining Mitsuki to have a respect for laws and order. When he didn't have the strict hold his father's influence gave him, he would be around his mother, who whether outside or inside she was kind to many, even when they are strangers. This sight instilled in him that there is some kindness to others when kindness is given to them, such as sympathy. Sometimes his parents would try to switch up roles, showing him a person does not have to be defined as a single prime personality trait. But these interactions where usually into the afternoon with both parents working in the daytime, though this didn't entirely bother him as he had school to attend anyway. Once he was halfway into primary school and living within academy city as a young child the thought of being an esper was always present which made him want to participate into the PCP ( power curriculum program ) and gain such an ability. His father was the first to be against it as he figured Mitsuki could just follow more into his footsteps than he somewhat already did due to his discipline. But his mother sat down with him and asked what he wanted to do. As even with him being their child his mother could tell he wished to be an esper from the stern expression he shared with his father. So he ended up going through the procedure before graduating primary school.

After being subject to the program that gave him his esper abilities at around elementary age his curiosity was simmered down as he had the rule drilled into his head that esper abilities couldn't be used in public. Because of this Mitsuki learned to have better of control from the small times he could use it during check up exams schools hold to see how well their abilities are doing so as to input it into the system. It was also there he grew to have more of a curiosity of his power and learned more of his calculation from research he did in the school library when time permitted him to do so. For the most part after that his life was normal with the exception of his father pushing him to fight using the same fighting style designed to deal with espers as his father didn't wish for Mitsuki to see his powers as this crutch he can't fight without. During Junior high( middle school) he made friends with another student who was an electromaster, they bonded quite easily as his friend was interested in the fact his father was a member of Anti-skill which gave them quite enough of a topic since that friend always thought anti-skill was cool. their friendship lasted for a long time, with Mitsuki showing more of his personality traits more so around his friend, even opening up somewhat to his classmates. It wasn't until their third year that the two friends would get into a serious fight. During this year they had brought another person into their friend circle which was a girl that often helped Mitsuki find books within the library. Mitsuki hadn't known during this time that it was someone his 1st friend actually had a crush on and was a bit blunt when he ended up turning her down as she had feelings for Mitsuki. This caused some argument between them that resulted in said friend trying to fight him. He made a miscalculation with his ability during this fight giving Mitsuki a scar along his shoulder before he could close in and use his anti-esper fighting style, luckily only centimeters where it connected to his arm. It wasn’t severe and he made up with a said friend after they both graduated and made it into high school, though Mitsuki did keep a bit more to himself afterwards as he talked to others, paying attention to who he interacted with so as not to make another mistake that could've nearly killed his friendship. A side note of the fact they were roommates during middle school, something both of Mitsuki's parents approved of since such an experience would build character.

As time passed Mitsuki would be taught from general lessons within the curriculum of academy city and realize once more that interactions  life experiences are what furthers an esper and their personal reality. So he at least tries to interact with his classmates, thankfully making decent friends with them as he shows his kinder side his mother taught him. This helped gain their trust in him, even if it is slight. Now he is in his third year and has thoughts of joining Anti-skill like his father, to the point of furthering his fighting skill and even asking his father for possible internships. He always heard of the famous, or rather infamous 7 level 5’s that inhabit Academy city thinking it sounded cool at the very least but didn't care about it all that much though he only started paying attention to that when he was in high school, as Misaka Mikoto would be the only known level 5 out of the apparent 7 that exist.



RANK: N/A
LEVEL: N/A

(Pyromaster): Pyromaster is an power to generate and manipulate flames, which the heat can be raised up to at least 2800c (approx the temperature of a blowtorch). It can be compared to be fire version of an electromaster in a simplistic definition of its uses. He can also control the magnitude of his flames as well as the velocity of how they're fired, general direction to where they're sent, and their intensity or lack their of, although he needs from 30 seconds to about 3 minutes to send out the fire given he needs to calculate and amass such factors into creating the fire, usually from his palms or from his feet. His best distance with it is about 27 meters(about the length between bases of a professional baseball field). Examples of his ability would be to be able to home his fire to strike specific targets like heat seeking missiles do, or propel him into the air using the flames as thrusters. The AIM disperse field kinda acts like an auto heater,causing them to heat their surroundings so even in cold temperatures, he feels little to no bother to his own body. But this does make summer his worst enemy. Mitsuki is even able to sense the thermal energy of others or other objects in his vicinity which is about 25 meters.

OTHER ABILITIES: Basic Anti-esper martial arts, fistfighting, and good at cooking.
Anti-esper fighting
He was allowed to be taught the same martial arts as the anti-skill by his father both as a self-defense tactic and a fighting skill he can apply when needed.  
Headband
A red headband that has a single stripe that consists of thin white on both sides, and a thick black that makes up the middle.
Cooking
A skill his mother taught him as young child to be able to take care of himself without their parenting, especially since he'd be in his own dorm from middle school upwards.

CHARACTER THEME:
Fighting Song
Casual Talk




PLAYER'S NAME: Mitsuki Ichinose
CHATANGO NAME: mitsuki7Ichinose
RATING: M
FACE CLAIM: Raven(Weapon Taker & Veteran Commander) - Elsword
OTHER CHARACTERS: None
MISC. INFORMATION: The prosthetic you’ll see when looking up this character will not be apart of his character when in rp, please do note this when an interaction occurs as I won’t mention anything about it IC.


Last edited by Ichinose Mitsuki on Sat Jun 08, 2019 11:38 pm; edited 5 times in total (Reason for editing : Revision)
Ichinose Mitsuki
Ichinose Mitsuki

Posts : 9
Join date : 2019-04-04
Age : 20
Location : Habatobi High School, Academy City

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[Esper] Ichinose Mitsuki Empty Test Post

Post  Ichinose Mitsuki on Wed Apr 10, 2019 8:54 pm

The sign of morning would appear through the curtains of his apartment bedroom as the sound of the loud ringing of an alarm would be stopped by Mitsuki's hand before he retracted it back under the sheets before opening their eyes to the call of the morning. His vision would be blurred at first before he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and slowly rose from bed shirtless and in red boxers. The tall male would scratch his head and let out a yawn before glancing at the time and heading into his bathroom to bathe and ready himself for the day. His normal process would go as most would, showering & hygiene, getting dressed, food, and making up his bed before heading out the door thinking he should pick up some groceries on the way back from clubs. He got down the stairs and grabbed his bike to pedal to the school district.


He continued to ride along the side of the street as he wore his red headband and put his hair into a ponytail so as not to let hair sweat get into his shirt. Staring straight ahead in his direction, his mind wondered what he should get for dinner, thinking on the idea of having some Gyudon since he'd be having practice today and needed some meat afterward. He would travel relatively fast on his bike, changing gears as he did so, greeting some local store owners he spotted for only a few seconds. Soon Mitsuki would be in close distance of Habatobi High school, a pretty decent school overall that wasn't too prestigious but not poor in the slightest even in Academy city standards. He parked his bike with the others, locking it up and slung his bag over his shoulder holding it with one hand. It would be somewhat quiet aside from the dialogue some students were having on the way to class. He sigh as he could easily this was going to be another day as he walked to class solo, greeting his classmates with a small smile and his normal stern face soften along. The bell would ring and roll call be done, making all bow in respect before any learning would be done.


At the end of what seemed like a millennia, the bell to go for lunch. Most would have a sigh of relief towards seeing the end of class, but he only stretched his limbs as they were quite stiff from being stationary in a desk just writing notes from the lectures. Mitsuki went to the lunch room where he would try to interact with others, one of his classmates helping him out which he did appreciate for the time and tried talking to some of the others, who he actually came to find out were athletes as well. One girl was in track, another in tennis, and both guys were in basketball. They conversed about their experiences in training when they were first years, the hazing, "Initiations", etc. He made a few laughs breaking from his resting face and some passing by saw that he was actually showing a smile around others, and not his serious expression. This put in the idea in their minds of an opposite opinion of Mitsuki to which he just lets it go since he was aware of his resting serious face.
Ichinose Mitsuki
Ichinose Mitsuki

Posts : 9
Join date : 2019-04-04
Age : 20
Location : Habatobi High School, Academy City

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[Esper] Ichinose Mitsuki Empty Re: [Esper] Ichinose Mitsuki

Post  Vita Vesta Caesar on Sun Apr 28, 2019 9:19 am

Heeeeyo, so it looks like I'm actually the one doing the one doing the evaluating this time. Libertas719 from the chat here. Once again supremely sorry about the wait, usual eval man is indisposed, and second pick (chosen after that message in the chat the other day) then also had some IRL stuff come up. Yikes. But anyway, better late than never, so here goes!

Personality
So, from the looks of his profile as a whole, he seems somewhat of an egalitarian, peace-keeping justice-minded type? Influenced by his Anti-Skill father and the good cop/bad cop attempt of his parents to try and make him a worthy person. Strong emphasis on the value of effort, and you'd think he'd be a stickler for the rules given his parents' work, but he seems more impulsive and focused on his internal value system instead. I can certainly see a youngster ending up that way, though, only managing to internalize a rather shallow understanding of the type of 'justice' his father works to impart.

The biggest issue with this section, however, is mainly that I had to infer all the above from various bits in not just the personality but also history sections. Now, that's not to say that it's absolutely necessary to list out every facet of his personality point-blank in the personality section--but you've left it somewhat bare. I'm of the opinion that forcing yourself to write something out instead of just relying on a vague concept forces you to look at it and straighten it out, ultimately netting you a more sophisticated idea as well as a deeper understanding of it.

So, out of my inference, what would you say sounds about right for the character you're wanting to play? What did I get wrong? Even if it part of it was wrong, maybe it gave you an idea? What you want to put in the personality section are the pillars of the way the character interacts with the outside world. Their fundaments. ...I probably made that sound a bit overly complicated just now, but it's just 'the most important stuff'. Like, 'how do they usually interact with other people and why?' 'What's most important to them?' 'What character flaws might he have?' 'What unique quirks do they have?' Things like that. Simples things, but things with some meat to them.

Also, among those, 'how do they usually interact with other people and why?' is something I feel like you might do well to put a bit of thought into. Remember that your character is going to need to be able to get involved with plots. So an introverted shut-in who's terrified of the slightest danger is a bad choice, for example. ...Mitsuki, of course, is not that, but I feel like the profile is lacking a solid idea of what face precisely he presents to the outside world. Right now, you've got a couple different personality traits tossed out there, but it doesn't really feel like you've gone and put them together yet. They're still sitting there, waiting for you to do so. So why keep them waiting?

History
So, very first off: I believe Kohaku already mentioned this in the chat before, but we do have a bit of a longstanding rule against espers having their parents in the city, mostly because back in the days and yore everyone and their sister went and wanted to have their parents in the city, which frankly wasn't very realistic to the setting. For now though, until Eval-kun or Madam Second Choice get back to me on that because I forgot to ask them I'll just set that aside and let it pass. Looking at what you've got here, even if the details changed slightly from Anti-Skill to police officer, I think you could get by with minimal changes. But for now I'll assume Anti-Skill.

So, in the personality section you wanna try and show who he is, but it's in the history that show what made him that way. And in terms of how that's flawed, it's mostly been done in the same way as I noted for the personality section: you've got several ideas tossed out there, but you haven't really put them together into a cohesive picture yet. You have the good cop/bad cop dynamic of his parents, but you're light on explaining why they did that or how it affected him. I imagine he has some degree of pride in his ability, judging from how he considered little need to interact with his others because he was strong, but that's only mentioned as a passing detail. That friend of his that he fought with, what's up with that? What was their relationship like, what kind of friend was Mitsuki to him? They fought over a girl? So he's someone who'd do something like that? Sounds interesting, use it as a chance to expand on his personality. Him wanting to join Anti-Skill is an interesting touch as well.

Beyond that, there're some minor details and recommendations. Even though his parents lived in the city, chances are high that he would be living in a dorm like everyone else, I'd say. A small reminder that using your abilities without permission is actually illegal, though it's a law that is certainly oft ignored. Anyone with the slightest knowledge of Academy City would likely be aware of the existence of the Level 5s, much less a student, though knowledge of most of their exact identities is admittedly another matter. Mikoto gets used for publicity, after all. And if the Anti-Skill father sticks around, then Anti-Skill actually has its own specially developed anti-esper martial art, with an emphasis on dealing with ability users and incapacitating children without causing undue harm. Perhaps his father could have taught him that instead of judo.

Ability
So the issue with his ability is a lot simpler: it lacks detail. How hot exactly can he make his fire? How much concentration does he need to maintain it? What's his range? What's his level of control? Any examples of what kinds of tricks he can pull off? All of this is really just details so that we can avoid having arguments later down the line. Defining a clear idea of what he can and can't do prevents us from having to do it later down the line when he starts actually doing stuff, and the question comes up: is he actually powerful enough to do that? So yes, numbers, please. We don't need anything complicated like specific heat and atmospheric pressure, just meters, seconds/minutes, and temperatures/examples.

Also, outside of just his esper ability, I'd also like to comment on one other ability you noted him as having: a driver's license. In Japan, you actually have to be 18 to have a driver's license, so if he's driving a car, then like our good man Hamazura, he's doing so illegally and is likely to be chased down by his father or Yomikawa.

Miscellaneous
Also have a couple of miscellaneous notes. You have him noted down as a student at Habatobi; I recommend you reconsider. Dropping yourself in a random high school where no else is at does limit your RP possibilities some. Rather than that, one where you'll have some classmates would be ideal.

And as Mitsuki Ichinose is as Eastern name possessed by an Eastern person, it should be in the Eastern name order: Ichinose Mitsuki. So as to conform with the rest o' the forum and not exacerbate my eye twitch, swap it around! Please. I beg of you.

---

And that concludes the evaluation, partie un. Once again, terrible apologies for the delay, this does not usually occur, hopefully we didn't keep you waiting too long that you got bored, had a heart attack, and decided to leave the mortal coil ahead of us. That would be bad, we would be very sad, hence why we don't make it a habit.

Looking forward to your response,
Libertas.
Vita Vesta Caesar
Vita Vesta Caesar
Invictus648

Posts : 288
Join date : 2015-03-13
Location : London, England

http://academycity.forumotion.co.uk/t486-magician-vita-vesta-cae

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[Esper] Ichinose Mitsuki Empty Re: [Esper] Ichinose Mitsuki

Post  Ichinose Mitsuki on Sun Apr 28, 2019 5:31 pm

Actually thanks for the critiques, honestly I'm still new to the whole forum thing so this is nice to see good moderators who know their area of expertise and give good constructive critique on my profile.
Ichinose Mitsuki
Ichinose Mitsuki

Posts : 9
Join date : 2019-04-04
Age : 20
Location : Habatobi High School, Academy City

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[Esper] Ichinose Mitsuki Empty esper business on my profile

Post  Ichinose Mitsuki on Mon Apr 29, 2019 8:49 pm

what I have so far in the first half, do tell if I'm missing anything that you previously stated.

FULL NAME: Ichinose Mitsuki
OTHER ALIAS: The Crimson Raven ( self-proclaimed )
CURRENT AGE: 17
GENDER: Male
OCCUPATION: part-time at a convenience store
SCHOOL: Nagatenjouki Academy
FACTION: N/a



APPEARANCE: Mitsuki is a male of above average height standing almost close to a full six feet tall. He has long rugged black hair that reaches down just below his shoulders with tan brown skin that would make most think he is foreign. He has a light muscular build and with a slight glare to his eyes that makes him seem slightly intimidating to some. He wears a red headband with a single stripe that is black with thin white on both sides along his head sometimes or he’ll wear his hair in a ponytail. Most of the time he’ll be wearing his school uniform but outside of school when he’s relaxing he’ll wear jeans and a black dress shirt that is short sleeved.
HEIGHT: 5’11
WEIGHT: 170lbs or 77.1kg
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: He has a cross-shaped scar along his left shoulder that was due to a small fight he had in middle school with someone who was used wind that miscalculated their attack and accidentally cut him in that area copying an attack they saw on TV. He holds no grudge against the person and it’s healed over the years.



PERSONALITY:
Analytical
He tends to be able to read others expressions, body language, and has a grasp of situations when entering them, so he’s not ignorant to what is happening. Mainly brought up by how his father raised him in their household. This gives him at least a fairer judgement when looking at the people he meets. Which incidentally makes him blunt when it comes to talking to others.
Sympathetic
Basically the good cop side to him as he is initially is kind to those who come to him, evident of how his mother raised apart from his father.
Stern
This is where the bad cop side comes by his father’s influence when it comes to being serious when the situation calls for little to no humor.
Introverted
When being alone he is reserved in his own thoughts, and he plays off this and his awareness of his surroundings and people, making it so he plays things close to chest so when he shows trust to someone it is his honest decision.

LIKES:
Reading
Stargazing
Cooking
Exercising

DISLIKES:
Dishonest people
Those who mock others based on social status
Overly loud people

STRENGTHS:
Knowledge of martial arts: He is at least decent with the fighting style that his father had taught him to be able to deal with espers that is taught within anti-skill, he adopted this to be able to deal with conflict without bringing actual harm to the person.
Endurance & Stamina: Doing the anti-esper martial art his father taught him made him gain a good amount of pain tolerance. This also increase his stamina which helps in most physical activities.

WEAKNESSES:
Power counters: logically, water, wind, fire, and electricity would be bad match-ups against his power, but not impossible to overcome the disadvantage.
Bluntness: Due to his analytical part of his personality he tends to be a bit blunt with his responses which can seem cruel to those looking from the outside point of view.
Lying: Because of his influence by his father’s strict attitude, he isn’t good at lying to others
Ichinose Mitsuki
Ichinose Mitsuki

Posts : 9
Join date : 2019-04-04
Age : 20
Location : Habatobi High School, Academy City

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[Esper] Ichinose Mitsuki Empty Re: [Esper] Ichinose Mitsuki

Post  Hujisaka Natsumi on Fri May 17, 2019 8:06 pm

Hello there!

Apologies for not having been able to get to your evaluation the first time around. I see this has been stalled for a couple weeks now, so I'd like to ask if the revamped profile is ready to go for a second round of evaluation or if it's still being worked on?
Hujisaka Natsumi
Hujisaka Natsumi
Level 4 Ignikinesis

Posts : 673
Join date : 2013-05-06
Location : Tokiwadai's Middle School, Academy City.

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[Esper] Ichinose Mitsuki Empty Re: Ongoing Evaluation

Post  Ichinose Mitsuki on Sat May 18, 2019 4:50 pm

yes I am ready for another evaluation, thank you for spending your time to do so.
Ichinose Mitsuki
Ichinose Mitsuki

Posts : 9
Join date : 2019-04-04
Age : 20
Location : Habatobi High School, Academy City

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[Esper] Ichinose Mitsuki Empty Re: [Esper] Ichinose Mitsuki

Post  Hujisaka Natsumi on Tue May 21, 2019 5:58 pm

Glad to hear it, let’s get started, then! To start things off with a slight detail, however, for easier understanding as we have members from all over the world, please make sure that every measure is given in metric and imperial systems.

Keep in mind I'll also be joining Vita/Jack's opinion on certain of the issues he addressed which haven't really been fixed in this version of the profile.

Reading through this profile, I’d say the personality traits are fairly lacking despite their history justification and those that are there are ones that, you’ll find, will not be of very much use in character. Introverted characters tend to have a very difficult time getting involved in plots generally, so make sure you keep it to a general personality trait without delving into the “lone wolf” characteristic as that will make involvement in the general story very difficult to explain or justify. You should try adding a couple more personality traits that are exclusive to him, something he might’ve acquired through living in the city and not simply from his parents’ education in order to make him more fun to play, since, as things stand, he probably won’t be able to stand out much compared to the rest of our cast with only a couple of bare-bones descriptions.

The same goes for likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses; try to avoid the generalities of someone who hates dishonest people and who has a high moral ground they want to affirm through justice. Though the current traits aren’t bad, you’ll find your character will be, once again, more fun to play if you establish the more eccentric and unique traits you’d usually find in all Raildex characters that allows them to individually stand out from the crowd, so I highly suggest taking a closer look at what kind of person your character is beyond what his parents have taught him.

Now, for the history.

I find it a little difficult to believe that his parents would willingly move into Academy City just to refuse that their son participate in the Power Curriculum Program which is a mandatory step in the education given there. Why not move out after the father determined that he disagrees with the city’s system as a whole rather than set conflict by opposing something that Mitsuki will be forced to do anyway? This kind of reasoning tends to be why we don’t allow for parents to reside inside Academy City (as you’ll find in canon that only a very small percentage do, most of them are even only allowed to visit during public events such as the Daihaseisai and aren’t often granted visiting rights otherwise). Here, too, I would like to invite you to modify this aspect of his history and come up with a reason why he, himself, has decided to pursue his education in Academy City as there are many other cities in Japan with excellent curriculums for normal people.


And while I can understand the father’s reluctance to have Mitsuki rely on Esper powers, I’d like to bring up a slight OOC point: firstly, for balance’s sake, we don’t tend to allow very powerful Espers having very developed physical abilities. We tend to operate on the basis that each character has a strength or weakness developed through ability, physical aptitude, or general intelligence and keenness. Having all three traits at once for a first character would be, once again, difficult to play and a little unfair to our other players as well.

As for the rest of the history, I don’t find it bad, but there’s still the recurring impression that Mitsuki just basically goes through the motion of whatever happens in life. I can’t really see a lot of his life projects, goals, ideals and motivation as being his moreso than his father’s in the way you’ve written the profile, and individuality and self-thought are key elements for how you’ll be RPing amongst a cast of characters with very strong and affirmed personalities. Naturally, this doesn’t mean you can’t have a more silent type of personality, but it mostly means you need to play it out carefully. As it stands, he is very reliant on external characters for growth (his father for his morals, his classmates for his experience with relationships, his general lack of care towards certain things also doesn't help…), some of whom we hear about even more than Mitsuki himself in this profile, which doesn’t leave a whole lot of room for his own character to shine. Here again I invite you to revise your history in a way that shows that Mitsuki does indeed have some control over his life and a mind of his own to affirm.

In general, though, I’ll reiterate. Don’t stick to generalities and clichés about how a character should be written. Give some thought about what kind of person could inhabit Academy City, both in their good ways and bad ways, as what you’ll be incarnating throughout your posts isn’t just a tool but what is supposed to read as a legitimate human being.

That’s all. I’ll be continuing the evaluation once you’ve addressed those points as I feel they are necessary for how I’ll be tackling the rest of the profile. Good luck. Very Happy
Hujisaka Natsumi
Hujisaka Natsumi
Level 4 Ignikinesis

Posts : 673
Join date : 2013-05-06
Location : Tokiwadai's Middle School, Academy City.

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[Esper] Ichinose Mitsuki Empty Re: [Esper] Ichinose Mitsuki

Post  Ichinose Mitsuki on Tue May 21, 2019 8:58 pm

[Esper] Ichinose Mitsuki WTikRTgmqAXyqM7G8

This is gonna be months of trial and error. I can feel it. Writing characters personality, backstory, usually havent ever been my strongest suit.
Ichinose Mitsuki
Ichinose Mitsuki

Posts : 9
Join date : 2019-04-04
Age : 20
Location : Habatobi High School, Academy City

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