Dark Side SS: Unendliche Jagd OOC

I have avoided mentioning some aspects regarding this situation as much as possible but since my soon-to-end tenure on this site suggests this opportunity has arrived and will pass by if I neglect it. I am pretty sure that this thread is nearing its end in term of content and story, everyone certainly seems to want to ‘fulfill’ their duty to reach the closure.

It appears to me the latest incident that I am at the center of it is in fact about my portrayal intervenes a certain scenario I deduced it was anticipated; though unscripted. I believe it could still happen anyway despite what I did, it would likely go down the path that it would span longer than expected, and I believed such case is unwanted. So, story-wise, the character I am controlling has to be terminated in a single post as one of the post of this OOC thread suggests.

As ridiculous as my post sounds, I initially did not believe it was too far-fetched. The ‘debate’ spawned the topic of realism. From my point of view, there barely exists to begin with, especially when it is fictional and oriented in anime or manga fashion. The realism that was applied to the problem has various standards for each aspect. The fact that clarity and vagueness were pretty much present, they highlighted it. They also have given me too less to work with in the problem.

I should rely on mentioning what has happened to accentuate what I am saying (First of all, disregarding characteristic aspect of the fictitious weapon, it is difficult to apply facts to it when there is a limited amount of information about it and it even has two versions that displays the very same weapon in a rather different way). One of the ‘anti-tank warhead’ was claimed to be accurately fired and achieve a kill while another was poorly fired and missed, considering where that post has left off. I have called this out as ‘stretching things’. I inarguably understand that using every single piece of detail to aid oneself is acceptable, in fact it has been the thing I have done myself. But in this case, it occurs to me that, things go accordingly to only just what the writer wants rather than what would actually happen situation-wise, as there were clearly two separate standards of realism applied to each case, the first and the second warhead. And speaking of ‘stretching thing’, I am accused of it once. If I have to recall, I reckon it was the time that Tougane invaded a gas explosion Mugino caused by having Takitsubo tripping herself, the expected result of that post which led me to utilize a reason to have him invaded a devastative blow was that to disrupt his movement while ensuring he would take the blow and moving Takitsubo out of the range of the attack. The reasons I applied to engineer his survival were ‘his legs condition’ and ‘the pattern of his movement at the current time’, as the time I was certain that these two reasons would cause him to fall and, to boldly use the word I am branded unworthy of using it, ‘made’ sense. I can barely recall right now what had happened after other than a warning from a staff, I have overlooked that situation as a whole since at the time Tougane by that time was no good and had run out of measures to gain an upper hand which would guarantee a most satisfying outcome for the other party, but unwise as I have been, there spawned another problem. I only wrote about the situation to use it as a comparison to what is happening now, a case of ‘stretching thing’ I have been accused of and the one I was calling out earlier. I do not see a reason to explain why the ‘anti-tank warheads’ worked drastically different from each other besides that it is a desired outcome.  I have heard the gap of ambiguity and vagueness was used to explained this matter, but I did not see why it would go as it was claimed as of now.

The other problem of ‘standard’ is damage-output, while the same weapon used against the first individual would kill him by another would be only just a scratch, given details about the weapon itself and the surrounding, it would still sound unlikely to me, considering the matter of accuracy mentioned in prior paragraph. I find it hard to work on the whole situation where there is no definite standard, measurement or bar to use. I have to say I skipped over some details to make this post as short as possible, but it would not be inappropriate to bring those details up later on to clarify a statement or debunk my statement.

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At this point, the term of roleplaying sounds confusing to me, I am not able to tell either it is a script scenario from the beginning to the end, finished in pre-production, where each roleplayer fills in as an actor, or interpretation of the content this site is basing itself on where each roleplayer assumes the role and embrace its traits which influences what a character would do in the situation he faces, thus the outcome of the event is driven by actions of those characters. And I would appreciate if you do not post a link of the wiki page to tell me what roleplaying is. And even more in ‘combat’, where from the point I started off as my role was approved and tried to ask people what it is actually about, only to hear that I would see it myself, there was no line to tell if it is a co-operative fiction writing or a competitive game. This whole paragraph may not make sense to you, but it does to me when I am here to do what I am led to believe that I am doing.

At the rise of this incident, every word I said earned no significant response directly to me. It was a long pause before the matter was brought up again, that it brewed to the stage where there was inevitable damage. This fact clearly told me I am not in the same loop of connection with the involving party or habitants of this place. I am aware my personal quality and attributes may make me not a great person to be in touch, but when such problem like the current one occurs, I think I deserve to be in touch.

After all if all I do is to attend something and make a problem out of it in a way (to be honest, I think I took more blame than I should, I can see something even goes unheard), I do not think there is a place I deserve to be here, I make no addition to what habitants of this place already have and I cannot certainly blend into them, I do not see myself standing in the same circle as they do. What is the reason to keep going on? As much as there is a desire to do, all I have done to put subtext in here or there, or spent time writing stuffs that do not concern anyone. I am confident that my interaction is not even needed, as any of habitants can swap to fill the role and keep the thread to go on as it should accordingly to what they want it to be.    

I might as well deserve to be called, with no capability to find a much softer and polite word, ‘whiny-bitch’. I am not trying to be melodramatic because I cannot sustain myself despite what those words or their subtext might suggest. I can go on facing exhausting process at every stage I have to go through, but as staffs have always articulated to me what this place is about, I cannot find a reason to justify my existence if those exhausting processes negate what this place is about.

Overall, I would not say I am disappoint because that would require me to hope for something to begin with, but I would say I am sad that I, in a way, have prevented any establishment or development that could have happened if such scenario did not happen. I find it best that this place is better without intervention from a catalyst which would spawn a problem to its habitants. Without it, I believe it can stay in the way it should be.