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[Esper] Mari Illustrious Makinami

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[Esper] Mari Illustrious Makinami

Post  Kerri McKinley on Tue May 07, 2013 1:51 am

Mari Illustrious Makinami

Level _: Force Command

[ IMG]http://i80.servimg.com/u/f80/18/28/76/60/mari12.jpg[ /IMG]

"Violence, death, outcasts and freaks, they pretty much sums up my experience with working for this city. Honestly, it doesn’t bother me. Give me a fight, and I’ll have a good time no matter what I’m hitting."



FULL NAME: Mari Illustrious Makinami

OTHER ALIAS: Pusher, Problem Child

CURRENT AGE: 17

GENDER: Female

OCCUPATION: For-Hire Mercenary

SCHOOL: A Certain Unnamed High School

FACTION:



APPEARANCE: Mari is a slender young woman who stands at 5’8”. Her hair is brown, which she keeps in two twin-tails and has a blue hair band in it. Her eye sight isn’t the best, so she wears a pair of red glasses to help her see far distances. Her eyes are green. Normally wears a school uniform, wearing a pair of shorts underneath, with her casual clothing typically consisting 

HEIGHT: 5’8”

WEIGHT: 141 lbs.

DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: Always keeps her hair in pig tails.



PERSONALITY: 

Thrill of the Fight 
Ever since she was a child, Mari has shown a strong interest in fighting others, getting a thrill out of testing her strength and sills against others. This interest has only grown with her added abilities.

Bizarre Consideration  
Prefers to engage in combat with willing participants fully prepared to take her on. Does not enjoy sneak attacks, or attacking others when weakened, preferring to take others on at their peaks.

Disobedient 
History of juvenile delinquency stemming from a lack of interest in following rules. Loves her freedom, and shows no interest in being tied down by rules or what people feel she needs to do-not for fun, mainly because she marches to the beat of her own drum.

Overly Friendly 
Has a habit of acting very friendly with people, even if she just meets someone. Never holds grudges, even towards people she’s fought against who would likely feel the opposite. Has a weird habit of maintaining this demeanor with darker subjects.

Tease 
Enjoys bugging people for the sake of it, and sometimes throwing them off. Can mix in very off, and potentially threatening commentary as well, but usually passes it off as a joke-whether she means it or not.



LIKES: 
Fighting, training, being physically active in general, practicing with her power, messing around, hanging with friends, watching soap operas, dancing in arcades, candy, being herself without hiding her less appealing tendencies.

DISLIKES: 
Killing, fighting people who don’t want to fight, vegetables, losing her glasses, people who don’t take her seriously, misjudging people because they are different, and being judged because of her Blood Knight attitude.

STRENGTHS: 
Friendliness, always values allies-even when terms are not good, letting go of grudges, typically enthusiastic about work, usually lets unwilling fighters go if possible, adapting to situations

WEAKNESSES: 
Staying calm, minimizing collateral damage, being quiet, tendency to try too hard when working to get information, leading to her getting obnoxious, likes to hold back against others to prolong battles. Can be very inconsiderate of other people, to the point that she has trouble relating to them.



HISTORY: Mari had been born in a normal neighborhood, as a normal child. Her parents were middle class and had raised her trying to make their perfect little girl… unfortunately, this wasn’t what she grew up to be. Mari had instead grown up to be a tomboy. She didn’t like sitting around and knitting, she loved physical activities, and because of that, she had hung out with guys most of her younger life. Her parents tried to reign her in, but she kept resisting. Naturally, because she was around guys so much, she was teased about being weaker then them, which she proved wrong. Her first fight was with one who attacked her, but she was the winner. However, the aggression she had, and the fat that she broke the boys nose, shown caused her to get kicked out of her first grade school at a young age. 

Over the years, her aggressive tendencies had only grown worse. She kept growing and people kept challenging her or she kept challenging them. She never fought anyone who didn’t want to because she knew what it was like to get attacked. The first person she ever fought jumped her when she didn’t want to fight. If that weren’t bad enough, Mari showed a lack of understanding about why hurting people and fighting was a problem, and had a disobedient streak with her parents. They were growing more and more concerned, even scared of their daughter’s behavior.

Her parents tried entering her into a kung fu class so she could release her aggression. She took to it like candy,  focusing her fighting interests there, but she still got into the occasional scuffle outside of it, with delinquency happening regularly. When she was ten, she participated in a junior tournament, and managed to win. The grand prize: A scholarship For Academy City, and participation in the power curriculum. Mari was neutral about it at first, and reluctantly accepted. Her parents were all for it, mainly for the sake of their daughter finding some direction in life and dropping her violent tendencies. While is wasn’t what anyone predicted, Mari’s abilities gained her interest, and she did dedicate herself to learning about them and improving herself, though the use of said abilities were far from altruistic

In Academy City, she spent the last seven years training her power and fighting people, managing to get average grades all around and keep up with her classes. She had been arrested by Anti-Skill countless times for fighting and using her powers outside of school grounds, but she was released early due to the great potential she showed with her abilities, though her habitual rule-breaking barred her from any of the more prestigious schools. In spite of this, her skills were still fostered by dedicated scientists who were interested in her growth-beyond simply studying her abilities.

One day, when she was being lectured in an Anti-Skill office again for her derelict behaviors, one of the scientists let her out early, telling her not to feel bad about what she did. He insisted that violence was not good, but sometimes necessary, noting how the people that she happened to beat up were a nuisance to certain research locations, having raided supply trucks for goods to sell. Mari was offered a simple task of doing it again, with the promise of no punishment, and a quick release if she was ever captured. Seeing only a good time to be had, Mari was happy to go through with it.

After this, the jobs continued until those harassing the research labs were taken care of, but curiously, there seemed to be more that they wanted her for. Mari was slightly off put about this since it tended to mess up her sleeping schedule, but due to the increase of harassment by Anti-Skill and Judgement that happened when she was finished, even when she wasn’t doing anything bad, she agreed for the sake of getting them off of her back. These jobs expanded to more than just simple gang conflicts, with more dangerous cases that threatened people’s lives, including hers. Mari noticed this, as well as the increased liberty she had to take extreme measures in actions. The jobs got more and more dangerous as time went on, and the notices from Academy Cit’s security helped push her to continue forward. It wasn’t until she had to kill her first person and it was covered up, that she started considering her situation, and how she had sunk into it.

Mari considered the odds that she would constantly be getting notifications regarding getting taken in or arrested whenever there was a lull in work, and how the jobs escalated more and more as time went on. Almost as if she was being coerced-and slowly moving up to work more extreme jobs. It was an idea that she had considered before, but one that she honestly hadn’t cared about because in a lot of ways, she was getting what she wanted, free reign to fight whatever she wanted with little fear of collateral damage.

In a sense, Mari had gotten what she wanted, but the reward came with risks which she accepted, despite the dangers. She played along, making it clear that she was aware of what was going on, and was recommended to work on a mercenary team that  specialized in a variety of work, which meshed well with the versatility of her powers. The threat of being imprisoned or captured faded away as her willingness to do these jobs was confirmed. Mari had gone from being just a problem child, to a big problem for those who caused Academy City problems-a tool that would only be considered a viable resource as long as she was of use to the city. She holds no loyalty to it, but is happy to have a place where she can do what she wants.

RANK: Team Member
LEVEL:
Force Command:

This ability revolves around the manipulation of forces, specifically the force applied to and released by her body.

Mari is capable of increasing the force that she exerts, allowing her to make, say, a punch or a kick have a lot more power then a normal one would. This increases her offensive capabilities, and seemingly increase her strength. By manipulating the force of her movements, she is also able to increase her speed, such as increasing the amount of force in her steps, letting her move faster, or push herself forward.

Her maximum force output is approximately ten times the amount of force her body can create on its own. In spite of her abilities, she is still a normal teenager physically, which is where the defensive capabilities of her power comes in. Mari’s Force Command let’s her seemingly nullify the force of solid objects on her, or the force put on her body.

In example, if she were to fall from a long drop, she would be able to land without any issues, seemingly increasing her durability. What really happens is that she minimizes the impact, dividing it by up to ten times.

The weakness about this is that is only work on solids. With things such as electricity, fire, or concussive blasts, etcetera, her ability won’t protect her from those. This ability can only be actively used, meaning that if she isn’t doing calculations, or is asleep, etc. she won’t be nullifying physical damage. Adding on to this, Mari is constantly shifting how much force she is increasing or decreasing in order to control her movements and the damage she does around her. Certain parts will be prioritized as she moves around in order to to make the use easier on her, leaving her vulnerable in certain spots, especially if her focus on calculations is thrown off.

Attempts to go past her normal limits of multiplying or dividing come at the cost of each other. Overclocking on force output reduces her protection from damage, leaving her more likely to be injured, especially by herself, while overclocking on force input reduces her power, lowering her combat capabilities.

OTHER ABILITIES:

Street Fighter 
Along with past experience in martial arts classes, Mari has spent years learning how to fight from past experience, as well as different ways to deal with other Esper abilities, but also utilize her own in tandem with her fighting skills

Leadership 
While her personality can be difficult to deal with, she is good at focusing on the mission at hand, and has good judgement when it comes to combat situations-including when to retreat. Is always willing to rely on others for the sake of a mission, and listen to others for suggestions or information.

Knife Skills 
Along with other close combat abilities, Mari has become most proficient with use a combat knife to help her out if necessary.

Firearms 
A skilled marksmen, but has mainly focused her training on the use of handguns, with limited skill using other weapons.

Rollerblading
An alternate way of getting around that she likes, any time she actually feels like avoiding attention, passing off any excessive acrobatics as sports tricks.

Creativity 
Between experience and training, Mari's ability to think on the fly has become a key element to living through unfavorable matchups.



CHARACTER THEME: Night Life: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iyDHp8vtKLo

Self-Reflection: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1Pz3EO2pHI&list=PLC12AEB7D69E9F5E9&index=21

Payback Time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdMKdXmBxDo

Fight to the Finish: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGhBzISIjEg&t=27s

A Twisted Science: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1F_P8qLewA

Mysterious Power: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0i-VlsgKrYE



PLAYER'S NAME: Kerri McKinley
CHATANGO NAME: KerriMcKinley
RATING: M
FACE CLAIM: Mari Illustrious Makinami (Neon Genesis Evangelion)
OTHER CHARACTERS: Kerri McKinley
MISC. INFORMATION:


Last edited by Kerri McKinley on Tue Jan 23, 2018 7:34 pm; edited 6 times in total (Reason for editing : Changing to regular character)
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Kerri McKinley
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Re: [Esper] Mari Illustrious Makinami

Post  Kerri McKinley on Wed May 08, 2013 3:56 pm

I'm actually gonna revise her profile, give me a bit of time.
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Re: [Esper] Mari Illustrious Makinami

Post  Kerri McKinley on Thu May 09, 2013 7:23 pm

Done, and ready to be approved (or edited, depending on what someone thinks)
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Test Post

Post  Kerri McKinley on Sat May 11, 2013 2:14 am

OOC: Wow, this was such a long post! .........I regret nothing.

Late at night in Academy City, it was nearly pitch black outside save for the light of he moon shining down. The streets were empty, save for the occasion passing car, and the sidewalks had no people on them. All was peaceful in District Six, at least it was in most parts. At the local amusement park, however, there was a disturbance.

A small group of people were gathering in front of he gates of the park, all coming from varying locations,. Each of them dressed the same way, wearing pitch black hooded jackets and pants, along with special masks. These masks were pitch black, coated with a special form of one way glass. A recent creation of academy city, meant to be an easy way for the average person to get some extra privacy in their lives by covering their windows. Instead, they were used on these masks to help hide the faces of this strange group, the hoods helping to obscure the mask, making it seem as if their faces were simply being covered by shade. These members had various weapon with them, but only about half were armed. Two members had brought several large suitcases with them.

There were people of varying builds there, waiting in the open for several minutes. Some of them were shifting around nervously, worried about the person they were waiting for. After ten minutes, they heard a boisterous voice call out.

"Sorry I'm late!" Al of them visibly flinched from the noise, but that was their only reaction. It seemed that they were expecting something like this.

A young woman with two short pig tails, and glasses, was running up to them. She wore the same outfit as the rest of them, but kept her on mask not covering her head, but in her right arm. She stopped, panting,

"S... sorry I... i took long, I... my skates broke and I... need to get a knew... pair..." The group members nodded in acknowledgement. One of them stepped forward to address her,

"Mari, I'd say it's good to see you, but the fact hat I can see you means you aren't hiding your identity." He stated... though the distorted voice he had made it difficult to tell.

"Oh, I know what I need to do. I just took the helmet off about ten feet away to surprise you guy. Figured a little lighthearted joking would be nice to ease the tension, you know Mack?" The man known as Mack sighed.

She's always teasing people and messing with them. Sometimes I wonder why she's one of the group leaders... then I keep remembering, The man nodded before turning to everyone. He stood beside Mari and addressed the crowd,

"Okay everyone, we scouted the area and confirmed no one is in the area, along with a few scouts in the area to deter any passerby who wants to go exploring. We're going to brief you n the details again. Mari?" The brown haired girl nodded and turn toward the group, her easygoing attitude fading to a more serious,

"Everyone, our assignment is to capture seven members of a local gang in this location. This group has been kidnapping young people here when their guards were down, and holding them for ransom. How the keep managing to escape is unknown. Tunnels to different locations are found at places where the money is exchanged, but how they were made is what we, and Anti-Skill, it unsure of. After several scouts have surveyed the area, we managed to find out that several people spent time canvassing this recreational location. Matching the descriptions we were given, one scout tailed several to a location and managed to get information in on their meetings. At the moment, we're not aware of any abilities these four may possess due to the short notice we received to work on this job, except for the fact that one of them is a Level 4. She was remarked as the strongest according to the meeting our scout eavesdropped on two days ago. She will be my target," Mari looked towards the various men and woman in front of her,

"You've all been given descriptions of each member of the group, including images stolen from security cameras. If there are any civilians in this area, incapacitate them, and be sure to take any cash they have. Make sure they won't wake up for a while. We need them to think they were just mugged. Are there any questions?" Mari was answered with silence,

"Who here has an ability that can be used for combat?" The man named Mack and another man raised their hands, "Good, you two are with me. Just some back up to be safe." Mari stated before checking the messages on her cell phone. One message had arrived, saying,

ther r 5 memberz meting in oark centr. camera imaqges clear. a straglerr is wandering around neer feris weeel. teh level for, nd 1 other.

Wow... Haruka needs to get a phone with spell check. She thought as she read her informants message,

"Okay everyone. If you have any weapons, keep them ready. Phones on vibrate, and only text if you need anything. Mack. You, me, and..."

"Raymond, ma'am."

"Raymond are going to meet this mysterious Level 4 and her associate. The rest of you, meet up with the other group members and take them down. Don't let any of them leave." Mari dawned her mask, and spoke in her distorted voice,

"No one leaves this place alive." She stated coldly, hiding the disdain in her voice. She didn't like killing people, but at least the people she did kill were never saints. Usually the opposite.

One member of the group quietly jimmied the lock and entered the area. Five members were heading to the center of the park, while Mari, and her subordinates, Mack and Raymond, headed to the ferris wheel.

They walked through the night, observing the various rides and attractions in the area. Despite the cheerful atmosphere the area presented in the day, it felt more ominous now that night was upon the area.

The three of them had managed to find the ferris wheel with ease. The large construct stood high, taller then most others in the area. In front of it, two teens were wandering about. The first was a young man with mean looking eyes, and sort cropped hair. He had the looks of a common thug, despite dressing in a surprisingly fashionable way,

From the cash they've been earning, no doubt. Mari thought. She felt a bit nervous not knowing what her target could do, but excited about the risk as well. Some rich guy, a close fried of a board member, felt humiliated having to pay for his own kid's release, and wanted them gone. At least, that's what the boss told us. He also said it was because students were avoiding the area here. They were a disturbance that needed to be ended, in the Boards eyes.

Mari and her two companions listened in on the conversation the two were having,

"You sure they won't be suspicious about this?" The guy said to the girl. She was a frail looking girl, with fair skin and short, grey hair, and a very nice face. She was very pretty,but there was a coldness in her eyes. Similar to the one in the eyes of her co-workers without their masks on,

"Of course, I already told them I was helping you out. You should be grateful I'm even helping you. If I wasn't so nice, I'd turn you in for everything along with the rest of those idiots. You happen to be loyal, so I felt generous."

"B-but... they helped us out... I mean we al worked together on this, it just seems-"

"Unfair?" The girl said, "Well, so is life. Bad things happen to good peopel, good things happen to bad ones, but that's just the way the world is." Mari grinned. She had heard enough,

Time to act,

"That's a nice motto. You come up with it yourself, or did one of your flunkies have to think it up for you?" Mari said, walking out of the shadows. Her two companipons didn't bother. They shifted to the side, where the man was,

Both the man anth the girl jumped at the sound of Mari's distorted voice. The two of them had put their guards up, they were ready to fight,

"Wh-who're you?" Mari walked towards the two, slowly,

"Oh, no one really. Just someone looking for a fight. Whether you also are or are not, isn't my concern." Mari stated, and stopped, waiting for the two of them to make their move.

I can't enjoy myself much, so I won't be able to hold back for long. Hopefully I can fight against these two with whatever abilities they have,

The brown haired girl glared at her, "Noburu, stand back," the girl stated angrily, "After I take care of this idiot, we'll just report this girl as another accomplice along with the others to Anti-Skill."

"Yes Kimiko," the man said, stepping to the side, unknowingly getting closer to both Mack and Raymond, still hiding in the shadows,

Mari's mask didn't show it, but she was smiling slightly, eager to see what this girl had up her her sleeve,

"So, i hear your a Level 4. So am I," Mari says, "What can you do?"

"You really want to know?" The girl said. She lifted her arm, and a part of the concrete on the park ground rose up. As she shifted her arm to her font, the rock followed the movement, rapidly being sent into Mari's face. She fell back, her mask shattering, her body unmoving, "My ability is Terraform. Useful when I need to dig tunnels. It lets me control any earth around me. Faking my true power in the Curriculum tests helped me slip under the radar... not that it matters to you, considering your dead," The grey haired girl began to walk away, but stopped when she saw the impossible,

Mari was standing back up, her head unharmed. Her hood was down, and her face was revealed, with her mask the only thing damaged. She checked her glasses, and sighed, "Phew, thought you broke these." She said casually,

Kimiko stood in silent disbelief, wondering what had just occured. She thought about what the twin-tailed girl Mari had said. How she was a Level 4.

Kimiko didn't waste any time. Lifting both arms at her side up, she brought up two more rock, and hurled them at Mari,

Mari started walking towards her. "You know..." She started, he first rock hitting her dead on the head, but only falling harmlessly to the ground.

"if you give yourselves up-" Mari back-fisted the the second rock, shattering it, "you'd be making this easier for us."

Kimiko had gotten even more irritated, "And then what!? Help us out? Huh!? You're just here to kill us!!! I know it!!!" She stated, stepping forward and thrusting both arms forward, sending a stone spike out from the ground a few feet in front of her, jutting out low, and aimed at Mari's torso,

It impacted, and she bent over. Kimiko had believed that it was over, but Mari simply looked up glaring at her, "Yeah, that's true, but you guys dug your own graves by becoming common kidnappers. But at least," Mari grinned and lifted both her arms up, breaking off and sending a segment at Kimiko, suddenly grinning "You're fun to fight!!!" She screamed,

Kimiko had sent the segment earthbound to pierce Mari, but she had already moved, at a remarkably high speed. Kimiko Aimed her hand at Mari, causing a large stone spike to appear where Mari was standing. She backstepped just at the last second, the spike tearing through her jacket, and stepped forward to smash through it, and head straight towards Kimiko.

The girl had panicked, and tried bringing up several more spikes but Mari managed to side-step them easily, being completely aware of how her ability worked with her bodies movements. As soon as Mari had gotten cose enough, Kimiko could see the girls mad glare behind her glasses, coupled with her wild grin, all too clearly as she reeled back and punched her dead center in the face, sending the grey haired girl tumbling several feet away, her nose and mouth spurting blood, wihich spattered about as she kept going, until she stopped,

"Kimiko!" Mari had forgotten about the man accompanying her. He had been so quiet up until now.

His name was Noburu, right... what are Raymond and Mack doing? They should have taken care of him by now, Mari looked towards the man, who looked like he had just throw something. Suddenly, she feelsomething coming towards her from the wind, and quickly moves out of the way. She can't see what it is, but something is leeving a pretty bad cut on her arm.

"Shit!" She shouts. She watches as the man seemingly tosses more projectiles at he, and mari simply moves rapidly to different spots, hoping to avoid geting cut by anything. As she moves, she manages to evade the invisible slicing objects aimed at her...

Air! He's cutting me with freaking air! No wonder my ability won't work, I'm not being hit with anything solid!

Mari continues to move, receiving multiple lacerations on her body. Kimiko struggles to stand, gradually getting back on her feet, watching two men jump out of the shadows, attacking Noburu,

"Watch out!" She screams, but it's too late,

The first man uses his ability to create a blinding light, disorientating Noburu, and allowing him to to cut a gash into his chest with a knife. While he's still blinded, the second man places his hand onto the wound, and it can be seen as the blood freezes,. The man tries to scream, but his mouth is covered as the cold reaches his heart, killing him.

Kimiko's eyes are wide with fear. Mari stares her down, the cuts all over her body ignored. She looked upset, but determined, "It was fun while it lasted, but I' afraid it's time to end this. Nothing personal," Mari says, and takes a step forward, suddenly dashing through the air with her ability towards Kimiko.

Kimiko raises both arms up as she produes a quick shield, making it rather thin. It isn't enough to stop Mari. She punches the wall, easily breaking through it, and stopping right in front of it, looking towards the ground.

"I really wish I didn't have to kill you, but like i said, it's not personal..." Mari yanked her arm out of the wall, coated with her enemies blood, "Just business." She heard the girl Kimiko making a few hollow noises before collapsing to the ground. Mari didn't need to see her to know the damage that had been caused.

A flash of sadness went across her face, but it was quickly replaced with her professional attitude.

Enough leisure time, it's time to get back to work, She turns to her subordinates, and walks towards them, but stops after receiving another text,

Targets confirmed dead. Storing in suitcases and cleaning up blood. Delivering two to you ASAP. Mari closed her phone,m satisfied, and turned towards her subordinates,

"Hey, nice job." She aid, smiling slightly, "You really pulled my fat out oif the fryer there."

The man known as Raymond scoffed, "Well, if you had focused on stealth killing, then this would have been easier. Why the hell did you expose yourself life that!?" He staed angrily.

And he has every right to be,

"I figured I didn't need it since the place was abandoned. I like fighting, and I like them to be as fair, or as challenging as they can get. Right Mack?" The man named Mack, nodded. Even though they still wore masks, Mari was pretty good at identifying people by how they responded to her.

"Right... hey Mari?" Mack stated,

"Yeah?"

"You should get back to your dorm room, it's getting late." Masri looked at him, irritated,

"Oh, what? Come on! I cam all the way out here to help, I'm not some little kid who has to listen to curfew!" She says indignantly,

"Yeah, she should help too!" Raymond said indignantly,

"There's no need for that. It's just a simple movement now, like a regular delivery but... well, you know," Mack stated, "Mari, you're still a growing girl who needs plenty of rest for school. Go on. I'm taking not taking for an answer," Mari looked at Mack angrily, and left,

"You know what? Fine. Go ahead, and good luck!" She said, walking away,

"Okay"

"And you better be careful!"

"Sure,"

"And be sure everyone gets the pay they deserve!"

"I will,"

And with that, Mari left, skulking through the streets, and moving quickly back to her dorm room. The next day, she would act like a normally eccentric student living in Academy City, no one being the wiser to what she had done he previous night.
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Re: [Esper] Mari Illustrious Makinami

Post  Accelerator on Fri May 17, 2013 1:12 am

Approved
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Re: [Esper] Mari Illustrious Makinami

Post  Mari Illustrious Makinami on Fri May 17, 2013 2:46 am

Thanks. I just made an account for her.
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Re: [Esper] Mari Illustrious Makinami

Post  Kerri McKinley on Sun Jan 07, 2018 2:40 pm

Got around to getting the updates done for Mari (slight issue with the image, which I'll need to replace when I get a chance). Any issues, let me know, and I'll address them posthaste.
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Re: [Esper] Mari Illustrious Makinami

Post  Mugino Shizuri on Mon Jan 08, 2018 10:34 am

Originally this evaluation was supposed to be kicked off by some lengthy speech over how this is a re-evaluation and thus treated differently, but let’s scrap that.

Instead let us celebrate that Mari will finally make her return to the IC!


I. The History – The Reason’s Weight

To me the way Mari became part of the Dark Side feels quite naïve, especially if we consider their usual practices and methodologies in comparison to this. Simply forcing her way in like this, with the conditions (her ability and its strength) she brings into the game, feels a bit hard to believe.
My suggestion and wish would for you to add a subtle hint or possible even an expansion to a much darker set of circumstances lingering around that point of time. Something invisible from Mari’s own point of view.


II. The Abilities – Forcing the Force

Overall, it goes without saying that Mari is a strong character, by far one of the strongest OCs we currently have in Academy City. But that is fine. Still, nerfs are nerfs, supposed to make characters playable in comparison.

I do not mind the 10x increase of her outward force increase, yet I do think the decrease and thus the defensive application is left a bit too vague. You describe it as capable of minimizing incoming forces close to zero, however that hasn’t been given any limiters or any hint of a maximum capability. I would suggest you added a multiplier to determine how by how many folds an incoming attack could be weakened, creating the possibility of forces too great being reduced to an amount that still wouldn’t protect her from harm.
This idea makes even more sense given the fact that you describe the protection’s limit in context of her enhancement’s limit, where she will not be able to cancel out harm to herself once she goes beyond a 10x increase. So, it would be good to keep that in mind as well.

Lastly I would like you to put emphasis on the urge for her to actually focus on the forces she wishes to reduce and increase. Through this surprise attacks, no matter if physical or not, would do her harm, given the fact that she may not react in time or at all to these, making her a bit fairer in the IC.
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Re: [Esper] Mari Illustrious Makinami

Post  Mugino Shizuri on Sun Jan 21, 2018 8:13 pm

It has been nearly two weeks now. Current status?
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Re: [Esper] Mari Illustrious Makinami

Post  Kerri McKinley on Tue Jan 23, 2018 6:38 am

Sorry, been busy with personal things, and considering some things with her powers. Will post edits tomorrow, and let you know when it's done.
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Re: [Esper] Mari Illustrious Makinami

Post  Kerri McKinley on Tue Jan 23, 2018 7:35 pm

Made edits in History and the exclamation for her power. Ready for feedback, and will make more alterations ASAP.
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Re: [Esper] Mari Illustrious Makinami

Post  Mugino Shizuri on Sun Feb 11, 2018 6:23 pm

It’s funny how I pointed out your delay but couldn’t help but delay it myself. Let’s fix this.

The history looks fine. Using the pressure of law enforcement to force her to play along. I think with charges piling up and some additional manipulation from the side of the employers this is actually some really good chain to bind someone. Excellent work.

Beyond that I just have a question about the ability to confirm things one last time: Can you give me an example on how her ability’s limits function. Like something to explain where the shift between reduction and increase becomes visible’. This should contain both a failure case and a successful one.
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Re: [Esper] Mari Illustrious Makinami

Post  Kerri McKinley on Fri Feb 16, 2018 5:44 am

Alright, I'll try going through a few scenarios, just to cover my bases, and you can let me know if I'm missing anything.

Should Mari punch something only using her force amplification, her hit will have more force in it, but her hand would still be affected by the impact. Hitting a stone wall will allow for more force to be applied, but Mari's hand would break as well due to the impact. If Mari only used her defensive abilities, she could hit a wall without harming herself, but would be ineffectual since it would be a normal seventeen-year-old hitting stone, which would do nothing to the wall in question. using these at the same time, Mari can apply necessary force to break the wall, while avoiding unnecessary damage, so long as other circumstances do not cause problems.

For a scenario of when Mari's body would be left vulnerable, imagine her punching a wall, using her right fist, while being pushed forward with her left leg. Imagine a line of action going from her fist, through her body, and down to her leg-that would be where a majority of her focus would be, where the rest would have it's protection either limited, or nullified, with Mari prioritizing her focus on these parts to give herself enough force to break down a wall.

In the case of her overclocking either part, doing this with her defensive ability would keep her safer, but severely limit her use in a fight since she couldn't use her force amplification. Overclocking her offensive capabilities increases her force output, but not only guarantees vulnerability, but leaves more chances for Mari to injure or maim herself.

Any issues with this, let me know, and I'll get to them ASAP. I've been a bit sick recently, but I should be okay now.
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Re: [Esper] Mari Illustrious Makinami

Post  Kerri McKinley on Tue Feb 20, 2018 6:45 am

For Mari's upper limits, I'm going to try focusing on her normal tenfold, which comes with protection from damage, and her upper twentyfold, without protection. If anything seems off, or I missed any details, let me know and I'll edit what I need to.

In terms of general damage, Mari's tenfold destructive capabilities is very versatile. Breaking bones is not an issue, and in general, her ability grants her great freedom when it comes to breaking, and even shattering apart stone. Limits with this come partly from her size, since she is around the average size of a teenage girl. She can deal out considerable damage, but cannot normally do widespread damage, simply from the fact that what is delivering the force is small. Large stone structures are destructible, but to bring down one would require something along the lines of destruction of everything supporting it, rather than deliverance of a single burst of force to bring the building down. Along with this, Mari's normal strength becomes limited with steel. She is general able to tear through it, but depending on the density, and how much of it is there, it may be something she can only warp, or be unable to move at this state.

This would be a case where she would overclock, which would be where things would change.  When using this ability, Mari has demonstrated the power to fully destroy steel structures that she was unable to, but these tests have led to multiple injuries that required several day, even weeks in one case, of recovery. Based on simulations done with data gathered, it is believed that at full power, Mari's strength would let her destroy, if not damage, most materials that are not specifically designed to buffer concentrated force-but due to the limits of her body, which sacrifices her normal protection, she would most likely severely injure herself of attempting this. Any use of full overclocked mode is best left reserved either for extreme emergencies, such as a means of escape or in a case where is can be used without causing fatal injuries to the user, and it is one of the few rules Mari was told that she obeys, and respects fully.
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Re: [Esper] Mari Illustrious Makinami

Post  Mugino Shizuri on Wed Apr 18, 2018 1:45 pm

Again, sorry for the long delay. My absence kinda got in the way of this evaluation and the one supposed to cover fell victim to an absence of their own.

Anyway, since I’m back here’s the final input: Please add those examples to the actual description of the ability. That would round everything up, not only for me, but also for the reader who is supposed to find all information in a condensed form solely covering the primary profile post.

Once that’s done I’ll give it a final read.

Just try to expand things, if you find more to expand, yes?
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Re: [Esper] Mari Illustrious Makinami

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