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[SNPC/Esper] Tanaka Kiyoshi

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[SNPC/Esper] Tanaka Kiyoshi Empty [SNPC/Esper] Tanaka Kiyoshi

Post  Fujiwara Sayuri Wed Sep 04, 2013 7:21 pm

[SNPC/Esper] Tanaka Kiyoshi 2h7dgzk
FULL NAME: Tanaka Kiyoshi
AGE: 16

Kiyoshi has black hair, pale blue eyes, tall slim build.
He is often seen wearing dark clothes; usually a hoodie and jeans.

- Mori Kita (Classmate & DISPEL partner).

Kiyoshi was a transfer student who arrived in Academy City by train when there was a train accident which took several lives.  He was one of the fortunate souls to survive however the incident had left him mental scarred warped his personal reality to the scene of the train carriage being crushed in slow motion in the crash.

During the recovery period Kiyoshi had one visitor at the hospital and it was Kita who happened to stumble into the wrong room by mistake.

As time went by and Kiyoshi recovered from hospital he went to Haru Chugakko where he met 'Inoue' who offered to let him work for DISPEL.  There to his disbelief he met Kita who was being convinced to join after being caught red-handed trying to steal something.

*In "A Certain Corner Cafe" storyline of mine, Kiyoshi has feelings for Kita but never admits to them and ends up seeming content with just working alongside her in DISPEL.

He also later finds out about Fujiwara Sayuri and takes action against Inoue who was planning to use Sayuri in city experiments.  Kiyoshi becomes the new leader of DISPEL after Inoue disappears.

Abilites: -none-
Level: 0

Kiyoshi although on the esper programme never achieved level 1 and it is thought to be because of the trauma brought on by the train crash when he arrived in Academy City.
The city however keeps checking him to see if his ability would emerge as his grades are considered average for most espers level 2.

Having a rough background Kiyoshi has learned street fighting and can defend himself in a similar way to Touma and any gang thugs in Academy City.

Unknown (Emo hoodie) (according to Onlyhdwallpapers.com)

OC belongs to DarkOnistar (Fujiwara Sayuri, Mori Kita)

Chat username: DarkOnistar

My characters: Mori Kita, Fujiwara Sayuri,
DISPEL: Fujiwara Ami, Tanaka Kiyoshi, Inoue Hiroki
Fujiwara Sayuri
Fujiwara Sayuri

Posts : 88
Join date : 2013-03-11
Location : The Mirror World, Academy City

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[SNPC/Esper] Tanaka Kiyoshi Empty Re: [SNPC/Esper] Tanaka Kiyoshi

Post  [Old] Index Fri Sep 06, 2013 2:09 am

Well not much to say. It was very short and brief but covered all necessary grounds so I'll just address what needs to be addressed.

DISPEL now Hiring Skill-Out
I don't quite follow why he was hired. Quite frankly he's a Level 0 with a train trauma and no significant feat to him. Even as he is now, he seem like an ordinary guy to me other than the fact he picked up street fighting and has academic grades worth noting to be Level 2 or on par. From my knowledge DISPEL is a group specialized in recon activities so why would they hire a Level 0 with no significant ability into the group let alone make him into the next leader if going by your future plans. There's just too little information on him to give him the benefit of the doubt that he's worth hiring by DISPEL's standards. If all they were looking for was just a pair of muscles they could have readily gotten one from a Skill-Out gang. I think this part of the history requires your attention and revising. He just doesn't stand out at all to be worth taken note of by DISPEL members.
[Old] Index
[Old] Index

Posts : 210
Join date : 2013-07-14
Location : St. George's Cathedral, London, England

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Post  Fujiwara Sayuri Fri Sep 06, 2013 4:28 pm

Tanaka Kiyoshi was one of my first OCs and I later ditched him in favor of Mori Kita who I had much more detail on.

DISPEL is an unofficial group, it is not like Judgement.. Anti-skills or any well known group.  They are sort of like a freelance group (similar to ITEM) who get given contracts or find information to sell on.

Kiyoshi was going to become the group leader because in "A certain corner cafe" storyline Inoue betrays the group when he sells out "Sayuri" to an experiment which drags Ami into danger.. which thus drags Kita her classmate involved and then Kiyoshi decided to hold the group together after Inoue disappears (likely dying).

As for why Kiyoshi was hired into DISPEL, it could be his curious nature.. or some background history.  Inoue personally approached Kiyoshi and wanted them to form a group.. probably a brotherly bond.. which the group later expanded after Kita joined.. followed by her friend.

- Originally the group was all teleporters.. but I dismissed that and changed all the characters within the group. (They were all teleporters, however there are only less than 50 teleporters in the city)  The point was that the group was formed after the level upper incident to work together on improving their skills.

My idea of the group now is something not far off.. but a group of esper rejects who get by as a group doing freelance work.  Everybody in the group has some kind of defect.
Kita : A-A teleporter (only can teleport to pointA on skin contact.. with herself being skin contact. - useless skill until you realise about the teleporters displacement)
Ami : Sonography (always hears more than she needs to), with resources she can filter out noise and create sonar for herself.
Kiyoshi : ??? ability may be unknown.. or later expanded upon.. he survived a horrific accident and yet he is willing to put himself in danger for the simple sake of curiosity.
Inoue : Still need to write his profile, but he can walk through walls.  He may not have a defect being the group leader.. he could see the group to be to his own benefit.. or he could think of a defect that makes him the reason for being part of it.

There are quite a few things for me to consider and sometimes its better to write it out and have the things spotted out or otherwise I might remain oblivious to them.

I mean after revising my character's abilities it also means they too must be revised so everything else makes sense.  If you have any advise, feel free to share.

Chat username: DarkOnistar

My characters: Mori Kita, Fujiwara Sayuri,
DISPEL: Fujiwara Ami, Tanaka Kiyoshi, Inoue Hiroki
Fujiwara Sayuri
Fujiwara Sayuri

Posts : 88
Join date : 2013-03-11
Location : The Mirror World, Academy City

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