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[Esper] Kurohasu Naomi

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[Esper] Kurohasu Naomi Empty [Esper] Kurohasu Naomi

Post  Kurohasu Naomi Sat Oct 19, 2013 4:14 am

[[   Kurohasu Naomi   ]]

Level ?: Flash Frost
[Esper] Kurohasu Naomi
"What's the rush?"

[   General Description   ]

::Full Name:: Kurohasu Naomi
::Other Alias:: Nao
::Age:: 17
::Gender:: Female
::Occupation:: Student
::School:: A Certain High School
::Faction:: n/a

Naomi stands at 168cm, about 5’6”, in her bare feet. Her form is slender, and her curves are modest: her figure imparts a sense of grace and refinement rather than physical strength. Her movements are fluid, like the wind, and she specifically chooses to dress in clothing that does not restrict her movement. Her casual attire tends to be dark gray, with a form fitting top and either loose pants or a knee-length slit skirt. A tattoo of a lotus adorns her left upper arm, and a silver charm bracelet encircles her right wrist. As she is a student, most of the time she can be found wearing the standard student uniform of A Certain High School.
::Height:: 168 cm
::Weight:: 52 kg
::Distinguishing Features::

  • Tattoo of a lotus in black ink on her left upper arm.
  • Silver charm bracelet with 6 polished mirror-like charms around her right wrist. Not actually made of silver, but shiny enough to pass for it a glance.


::Likes:: Peace and quiet, playing the flute, her older sister
::Dislikes:: Crowds, loud noises, people who do not appreciate music

::Strengths:: Calm and collected, Naomi tends to be unfazed by anything: she can watch a man be torn to pieces in front of her without batting an eyelash. With her tendency to avoid conflict, she gets along well with everybody, making very few enemies (and very few friends). She has an extremely strong sense of responsibility; when Naomi has agreed to something, others can rest assured that she will get it done.
::Weaknesses:: Although she is cordial to everybody, Naomi has a habit of emotionally distancing herself from others, something that others subconsciously react to. As such, she makes many acquaintances but very few friends, leading a rather solitary existence in Academy City. In part due to her upbringing, Naomi can be Machiavellian about fulfilling obligations, to the extent of disregarding the law.

[   Personal History   ]

"If only you could be like your sister."

If her childhood could be summarized in a single sentence, that would be it. Born the younger of twin sisters, Naomi has spent her entire life compared to her older sister Kaleissa. As the only children of the headmaster of the Black Lotus style, the sisters were thrust into martial arts training from an early age in preparation for the day that they would take their parents' place. The two were equally talented, if not equally motivated, and as the sisters reached their tenth year, the difference in determination began to show.

For Kaleissa, the elder, the burden of inheriting the headmaster position was a powerful source of motivation. For Naomi, the presence of such a capable older sister meant that as far as martial arts were concerned, she really couldn't care less. Instead, she took every opportunity to escape into the neighboring town to explore the world outside, bringing back stories and trinkets to share with her more studious older sister. Though she still obediently adhered to the training regimen set out for her, it soon became clear that her heart was elsewhere. Once considered a prodigy like her sister, Naomi began losing sparring matches to other students less talented than herself on a regular basis.

Naturally, her parents were less than pleased with this turn of events; even if Naomi could easily be relegated to a minor position in the shadows, the negative influences she brought back with her were a threat to Kaleissa's succession. As they grew increasingly strict about keeping her in the house, the young girl grew increasingly adept at finding ways to infiltrate in and out of her own family compound. By the time she was twelve, Naomi was a master of concealing her presence, making use of the seemingly endless patience emphasized by the Black Lotus style to outwit and outlast those sent to keep her under observation. She took to wandering the hallways of her home like a phantom, shadowing other students and even her parents for hours without being discovered. Only her sister, who took special notice of her, was able to keep track of her. Naomi came and went like the wind, going wherever she pleased whenever she pleased, unfettered by any.

It was on one such excursion that Naomi fell in love with music. Having quietly attended martial arts practice with Kaleissa until late in the evening, the girl escaped into town once practice ended while her sister continued to train. It just so happened to be the day of major festival, and the young girl found herself mesmerized by the vibrant lights and lively atmosphere. Allowing herself to be swept along with the crowd, Naomi found herself captivated by the sound of a flute, a solitary melody that sang out above the noise of the crowd. She stood by the flute seller's stand for hours, entranced by the sound of his playing, until the closing of the festival celebrations finally shook her from her reverie. As she fumbled with her coin purse, hoping to buy a flute of her own, the old man running the stand simply shook his head, smiling gently as he pressed a hand-carved flute into her hands. The girl barely managed to stammer out her thanks before she retreated, unable to keep the smile from her face as she made her way home, the gift clutched to her chest.

If only Naomi were better at playing, her parents might not have minded her new hobby as much as her frequent excursions out of the house. Unfortunately, Naomi's talents for the flute could only be described as abysmal. Her late night practice sessions were enough to exhaust even the boundless patience of masters of the Black Lotus style. In response to her parents' ultimatum Naomi's concealment skills blossomed further; her desire to play prompted her to work even harder at finding ways to get out of the house to practice.

On her fifteenth birthday, Naomi was formally excommunicated from the Black Lotus school, having finally accrued a list of transgressions too long to recount. Naturally, her actual list of transgressions was far longer; the times she evaded notice greatly exceeded the times when she was caught. For all her competence as a practitioner of the Black Lotus style, the fact that nobody could control her (save her sister) and the added inconvenience that she shared the same face and features as the next head despite having such an impudent personality made it too much of a liability to keep her. On recommendation from some colleagues, her parents decided to send Naomi to Academy City: far enough away that she couldn't cause trouble, but close enough to remain useful to the family, should the need arise. Plus it would be much harder for her to disappear once registered as a student of the most technologically advanced city in the world.

Entering the city was an uneventful process. Plenty of students of various backgrounds were drawn to Academy City by the lure of psychic abilities, and Naomi's official record was as clean as the best of them. Slightly behind academically, she was placed into the freshman class of A Certain High School, and manifested her esper ability soon after.

In the two years since arriving, Naomi has acclimated rather well to student life, though her personality may have taken a turn for the worse. She keeps in contact with her beloved elder sister, and has nothing to do with her family except when Kaleissa requests a favor. As her parents do not support her financially, Naomi spends her time outside school doing part time work and practicing the flute. In particular, her surprisingly good work ethic and general indifference to established rules make her a popular choice for organizations engaged in activities of questionable morality.

[   Esper Parameters   ]

::Rank:: None
::Level:: ?
::Particle Dampener::
Naomi's Personal Reality centered in stillness: returning all things to a resting state, motionless and dormant. Her esper ability allows her to suppress the motion of molecules, measurable by the decrease in temperature. In their natural state, all molecules of matter vibrate according to their internal energy; Naomi controls and dampens these vibrations at will. While in theory this is the fundamental state of all matter, the natural laws of thermodynamics make it impossible, at least thus far, for her to reach absolute zero. At best, as a Level 4, Naomi can come to within a few degrees Kelvin, but maintaining this state for extended periods against the effects of entropy is extremely taxing. When pushing the limits of her ability, Naomi herself enters a semi-dormant, lethargic state as her own body slows down along with the target of her powers.

Naomi's esper ability originates from the core of her own body, propagating outward through a contiguous pathway until her target is reached. She mentally defines an area and restricts her ability to the confines of the designated space. As one might expect, resisting nature is not an easy thing; as the area under her control expands, the burden on Naomi's mind increases accordingly. At present, her esper ability only has an effective radius of about 4m. Additionally, the larger and farther the region, the weaker her ability; at maximum range, she can freeze water, but not much else. She is also not capable of dividing her attention between multiple targets; she can either affect both together or one at a time.

Adjustments made by Naomi's ability are incremental, not instantaneous: it takes time for her to slow vibrations to a near standstill. That said, she can still drop the temperature of an area by a hundred degrees in a heartbeat, though it gets increasingly difficult to continue as the temperature approaches 0. Instead, it is the propagation of her control area that takes more time, and the maintenance of her control that is particularly draining, especially if the difference from the surroundings is large.

The only exception is preserving the status quo. Since inertia works in her favor, it is virtually effortless for Naomi to filter out minor alterations, such as crowd noise or a light breeze, from her immediate area. Thanks in large part to her music training, Naomi is able to passively create a "dead zone" around herself without affecting the active use of her abilities. Of course, large, abrupt changes are beyond what her passive adjustment can handle. Typically, she consciously cancels this ability so that other people can hear her normally.

Naomi's esper abilities are most often used to conceal her total lack of musical talent. Although she loves to play the flute, the fates have yet to bless her with the ability to play it well. Thus to hide the fact that she is rather abysmal with it, Naomi adjust the sound she produces when she practices so that anybody passing by hears only the gentle hum of wind instead of the much less euphonious reality.

When used offensively, Naomi is able to flash freeze small objects, earning her the nickname she is sometimes known by. Due to the time delay of her ability, she has difficulty dealing with objects in motion, particularly objects with a lot of mass or velocity. Instead she is much more proficient at localized environmental control. Although the military applications are debatable, her esper abilities are useful enough in scientific research to merit the Level 4 status. Her ability allows her to slow the decay process, so she is occasionally contracted by various research institutions of Academy City to help with preserving time sensitive samples and by Anti-Skill in crime scene investigations.

Researchers believe that Naomi has the potential to reach Level 5. The basic principles behind her suppression of molecular vibrations suggest that the opposite, excitation of molecules, should be possible for her as well. Unfortunately (for their research) though, she is more interested in improving her flute playing ability instead.

[   Other Abilities   ]

  • ::Martial Arts – Black Lotus Style::
    As a daughter of a martial arts family, Naomi has been trained in this style of martial art since childhood. While she has some innate talent, Naomi lacks the interest required for her to really excel and has not improved at all since leaving her family. In terms of competency, she is at the level of an assistant instructor, proficient enough in physical hand-to-hand combat to fend for herself.

    With the philosophy of 'One strike, certain kill', the Black Lotus style is fundamentally a precision based art. Practitioners of the Black Lotus style are trained to wait and observe their opponent, searching for weakness, before ending the fight with a single strike. As such, Naomi has studied extensively in acupressure, and her patience and concentration are both top notch. While her fundamentals are solid, the lack of practice against opponents of the same level since entering Academy City has resulted in occasions where her body cannot keep up with her mind.

  • ::Superior Kinetic Vision::
    Given the high speeds that sound waves propagate at, Naomi's kinetic vision has continuously improved in order to open a window for her to utilize her esper abilities. Through a combination of intuition and her kinetic vision, Naomi is able to detect and respond to the tiny changes in energy in her Personal Reality, even if she cannot actually see them.  Comparatively, everything else around her moves much more slowly, and her eyes are almost capable of tracking a bullet in flight. Whether or not her body can respond quickly enough to do anything about it is a completely separate matter though.

  • ::Abysmal Flute Playing::
    Given how much time Naomi spends practicing, the fact that she remains so terrible at playing the flute can be considered a special skill. When not veiled using her esper ability, her flute performance can bring tears to the eyes of all who hear it. In a bad way.

[   M i s c . I n f o   ]

::Character Themes::
::Player Name:: Kurohasu Naomi
::Rating:: M for Mature
::Face Claim::
::Other Characters:: None
::Misc. Details:: None

Last edited by Kurohasu Naomi on Tue Nov 12, 2013 9:09 am; edited 10 times in total

Kurohasu Naomi

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[Esper] Kurohasu Naomi Empty test post

Post  Kurohasu Naomi Sat Oct 19, 2013 4:20 am

[OOC: this post is a reflection of Yamato Trystan's test post, told from my character's perspective.]

Naomi was not in a good mood. She had been quite excited upon receiving a summons from her sister for the first time in a while, and was looking forward to speaking with Kaleissa in person. Since Naomi had been excommunicated, she had been virtually imprisoned in Academy City, where she could not cause trouble for her family; chances to return to her hometown were rare. But instead of the reunion she had imagined, all she got was a kiss on the cheek before Kaleissa was whisked away to attend to some other duties while Naomi was tossed into an escort mission for some disciple of an old acquaintance of her parents.

Altogether, their group was five: Naomi, the newcomer, and three clearly seasoned veterans of the Nine Dragons. It was obvious that her role here wasn't protection; not only were there battle scarred killers with them, the young man himself seemed plenty capable of defending himself. Compared to an unmotivated dropout like herself, it was not at all unlikely that he would do a better job protecting her instead of the other way around. Considering the fact that the nameless man wasn't even a member of the organization, giving him such an escort was probably increasing the likelihood of an attack than if they had let him make his way on his own.

That only left one  possibility: that she was only here to be a tour guide, called in due to family connections in order to give the new student an introduction to Academy City on his way in. It wasn't that she had anything against him personally, but for her parents to go so far as to make the request through Kaleissa, knowing that she would never refuse her older sister, Naomi figured it must be their way of getting back at her a bit for all the mischief she had caused over the years. The girl let out yet another quiet sigh; it was already too late to decline, so even if she were displeased about it, she would still see things to their end.

Luckily, much of the conversation was dominated by the leader of the group, Ling Xiong Jie, who had immediately taken to the newcomer and was all too happy to regale him with tales of his martial encounters. Every so often, a question would be directed at her,  to which Naomi either replied in as few words as possible or declined to comment altogether. The world of the Nine Dragons was one she was no longer part of; although she did have a few stories of her own, the girl was not at all inclined to share them with strangers, much less delve into the details of her personal circumstances. As for questions regarding Academy City, as the only one of the group who lived in the City, she felt obligated to at least respond, however tersely. The young man would see for himself soon enough; Naomi had no desire to color his future experiences with her own cynical judgments. At any rate, the others apparently found something about her cold responses amusing.

Without warning, their group came to a stop; the lighthearted atmosphere of a moment before evaporated in an instant. Even without asking, it was obvious that some unexpected guests had come to visit, and from the way the others were signaling, their numbers were not at all small. Which of the three veterans they had come for was anybody's guess, but that minor detail was not really important anymore; even at this distance, Naomi could feel the bloodlust emanating from around them, to be matched by a similar aura emitted by her own companions as they fell into a circle formation. There was no doubt that blood would be spilled soon.

The girl closed her eyes briefly, taking a moment to shift gears mentally. Her breathing slowed significantly until it was nearly inaudible, her stance and posture shifting subtly in ways only an experienced fighter would notice. When her eyes next opened, there was not a hint of emotion visible in them; looking at her was like looking at a doll, lifelessly staring back. Her movements were not especially fast, but they were fluid and graceful, carefully controlled and timed to slip beneath a person's notice. Within seconds, her presence had been completely erased: no fear, no excitement, no bloodlust, just an empty space. Disappearing in plain sight; it was a skill she had spent years perfecting. Unless somebody were looking for her specifically, most people might see her but their minds would not register her as anything more than scenery. Their assailants would look upon their group of five, but the majority of them would only see four.

At Ling's signal they moved as one, the veterans dashing into the trees to unleash hell on their attackers. Naomi followed them like a shadow, taking advantage of her allies' sudden movement to conceal her own. The flash of gunfire gave way to shouts of fury and cries of pain, punctuated by the sledgehammer imitation of rapid-fire assault rifles. From her vantage point in upper branches of the trees, Naomi frowned to herself. Neither her personality nor her esper ability were well suited for direct confrontation. Given a choice, the girl would much prefer to remain hidden, waiting patiently until her enemies tired and gave up. However, with gunfire spraying out through the trees, there was no longer any merit to playing a waiting game; the chance of a stray bullet finding her was even higher than the chance of somebody managing to locate and target her. In which case, it might actually be a better idea to join the fray down below.

Common sense told her that Ling and the others had no need for her interference. At least one of them was a silent killer with techniques similar to her own; Naomi doubted that she'd even be able to find him, much less get an opportunity to help. It was the newcomer that had her worried; for all that he looked physically capable, he had the air of one who had never seen true combat. As the saying went, the first battle was the one true rite of initiation that separated the men from the boys. And since she was one of his escort, no matter how reluctant, it was her duty to deliver him to Academy City safely.

A loud kiai sounded nearby, marking the young man's location not too far away. The girl shook her head; did he think this was a friendly sparring match or something? She doubted that he had enough blood on his hands for a shout like that to be intimidating, especially when most of the opponents wouldn't be able to see it anyway. Chances are, he had just alerted the surviving assailants of his continued "living" status, and they were probably mad about getting decimated by the other three. Right on cue, the sound of hurried footsteps came from below, heading towards the shout. Naomi cursed softly, and descended to follow.

"Onee-chan better spoil me after this."

Muttering half-heartedly, the girl dropped down from the branches without warning. Her target was peering around the trunk of a large tree, a large sledge hammer type weapon held tentatively in front of the body. She silently applauded him for his choice; unlike bladed weapons, a blunt weapon wouldn't get stuck in the trees as easily. Not that it would help him much. Her first strike was a heel kick to the back of the knee, forcing the man to kneel. As she anticipated, he tried to turn around and swing at her, but with such an unwieldy weapon, from such an awkward position, his movements were far too slow to hit. Her second blow caught him in the throat as he spun, and she didn't wait for him to sputter before a hammer fist to the side of the head knocked him into the tree. He didn't rise again.

A soft gasp and the rustle of cloth alerted her to another assailant, emerging from the underbrush just in time to see her comrade go down. An assault rifle was clutched in her hands; from the way the tip drooped towards the ground, it appeared she was still not used to the weight of the weapon. Not waiting for an invitation, Naomi jumped up, rotating her body until she was horizontal with the ground. Bracing both feet against the trunk of the tree, she propelled herself forward, crossing the five meters between them in a heartbeat. Her left hand reached out, making contact with the woman's chest and forcing her backwards even as the barrel of the gun rose up to meet her. Carried by Naomi's momentum, the two of them collapsed back into the brush, one on top of the other.

"W-W-Why? Why can't I fire?!"

With just inches separating them, the muzzle of the gun was pushed up against Naomi's stomach; the woman's finger was on the trigger, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't press down. Naomi leaned in even closer, the tips of their noses almost brushing against each other, a dark smile stretching slowly across her face. Her eyes held the other woman's gaze, drinking in the mixture of shock, desperation, and fear. The body beneath her grew even colder as Naomi pushed her ability further. The woman's face had already gone pale, her eyelids struggling to stay open as her body shut down to protect itself. Chilled to the core of her body, it was as if she were caught naked in the middle of a blizzard. In an instant Naomi had stripped her of feeling in her fingers, rendering her unable to fire; within a moment the woman was unconscious.

Naomi took a deep breath, slowly separating herself from her victim. Using her esper ability so abruptly always left her feeling sluggish, as her body could not completely escape the effects either. Fortunately, the fight seemed pretty much concluded; the sounds of gunfire were mostly gone. A quick glance revealed the that young man had survived, his breathing labored as he stood above a fallen assailant. She saw, no, felt him lower his guard as the tension left his limbs, and immediately she swore.

"You IDIOT!"

Ignoring the reluctance of her limbs to move, Naomi tackled him from the side, bringing him to the ground just as a bullet flew through the space where his head had been a split second earlier. A strangled cry sounded out a moment later, marking the demise of their attacker at the hands of Ling and the two others. Giving the startled man a look of disapproval, Naomi said nothing more as she stood and left him to reflect on his own mistake. A brief exchange with the others verified that the ambush had been successfully thwarted, with no attackers remaining in condition to fight, and with that confirmation she finally allowed herself to relax.

The remainder of the journey passed in silence.

Last edited by Kurohasu Naomi on Tue Oct 22, 2013 7:43 pm; edited 2 times in total

Kurohasu Naomi

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Post  Accelerator Sun Oct 20, 2013 1:34 pm

Hi. Welcome to the forum.

I'm afraid that Reishi characters are sort of off limits for the time being. I had originally intended for them to remain as NPCs until the faction gets officially introduced later on in the RP. Basically as it stands Reishi characters would be a little out of place in the main plot, as they've only appeared (very briefly) so far.

As far as Trystan's character goes, I believe our previous admin worked something out with regards to his backstory so that he'd only find out about the Reishi along with the rest of the characters at a later date.
Level 5 Vector Change

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Post  Kurohasu Naomi Sun Oct 20, 2013 6:04 pm

Regarding the Reishi aspect, I intended for her to have no Reishi abilities whatsoever; it's only that her family practices a martial art that incorporates Reishi, but being a less than enthusiastic student, she never got that far. It's stated that way in the Other Abilities section.

Sorry if it's unclear.

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Post  Aleister Crowley Tue Oct 22, 2013 4:58 pm

It really is less about the abilities themselves and more about the connection with an aspect of the RP that's not really been introduced yet. The third faction and things relating to it are really elements that I feel should be kept out of sight for now. For it to work she would have to be totally unaware of the Nine Dragons, the existence of Reishi and the supernatural abilities of her Spirit Art. In which case it really seems much simpler not to include them as an aspect of her backstory.
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Post  Kurohasu Naomi Tue Oct 22, 2013 7:46 pm

edit: names of factions removed, mention of her nonexistent spirit powers removed

Kurohasu Naomi

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Post  Accelerator Tue Oct 22, 2013 8:41 pm

So now that all 'secret martial arts society' elements have been removed as per our discussion on the chatbox (though I still notice some mentions of an 'organisation' which will need to be removed), I can move onto the rest of the profile.

Firstly her history is too long. We prefer summaries rather than detailed prose or blow by blow accounts for simplicity's sake.

Her history is fine, as there is precedence for 'ninja clans' in the To Aru universe (even if they've only been mentioned in passing).

Her ability is still unclear. What does it do to people? Are they injured? Do they retain their consciousness? Do things appear slower/faster to them? Do they notice at all? It seems like it could be potentially overpowered without a certain level of restraint put on it. Taking molecules down to close to absolute zero would practically be a Level 5 ability and could be easily abused.

Also, how would being able to control entropy grant her superior kinetic vision to the point of almost tracking bullets? That seems pretty extreme.

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Post  Kurohasu Naomi Tue Oct 22, 2013 9:38 pm

Took out the word organization.

If you prefer, here's a non-scientific explanation of her abilities: she's like a thermostat.
1. You can set it so that it keeps the temperature about the same and adjusts to minor changes in either direction.
2. You can turn it down and it makes things colder.

If used on people, they get the heat drained out of them starting from wherever she's touching or has a pathway to touch (such as through an object). You can think of it as a quick dose of hypothermia or frostbite. Now for your questions:
Are they injured? They just got flash frozen. If you don't treat it, yes they will be injured. If you treat it, they'll be fine.
Do they retain their consciousness? Depends. When your core body temperature drops too low, you will eventually pass out. If she only affects your limbs, you'll still be awake until the cold gets to the rest of you. If she goes for your head, you'll pass out pretty fast.
Do things appear slower/faster to them? No. This has nothing to do with time perception. Unless they're predisposed to hallucinate when cold.
Do they notice at all? Yes. People usually notice if parts of the body are cold.

There are a lot of restraints written in to the ability.
1. It's not instant. Yes, it's fast, but it's not going to turn a park into a frozen wasteland in a flash. It starts from her own body and moves outward; the farther it goes, the longer it takes, and the weaker the effects.
2. It affects herself. If she's making things around her cold, she gets cold too. While she can protect herself somewhat using her own ability, heat transfer rules still apply.
3. It doesn't last forever. The longer she wants to maintain it, and the bigger the change/area, the more effort it takes on her part. When she stops using her ability, things start returning to normal at their normal speed.
In general, this is not really intended to be a combat ability. It's more of a utility type. If you're asking if it can kill people, yes it can; it was originally intended to be Level 4, which, according to canon, is about right for 'capable of killing individuals but not massive destruction'.

Regarding kinetic vision: her ability involves visualizing the vibration of molecules too fast and too small to actually see, and then affecting them. When you get used to dealing with very fast things, normal fast things don't seem that fast anymore. To clarify, she does not see the bullet with her eyes, just like she can't see a molecule vibrating; it's largely intuitive estimation of the trajectory

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Post  [Old] Index Sat Oct 26, 2013 6:48 am

Hiya. So I had a look at the history and found some questions I thought I'd ask.

Ninja Family?
What kind of family is she from? I know this was probably changed a few times at Guy's request but I'm honestly not sure what to make of it. Labeling it as a simple Martial Art background seems odd as there seems to be lots of hints to point that they're leaning more towards a hidden ninja clan or practitioners of a dying tradition/art.

Older = Better?
What really determined them to decide from birth that the older sibling will inherit the family head position? If they were both skilled equally and they're practically twins how is it easier to just write it off as "Oldest gets the clan head position" and end it with that? I could be old fashioned but I thought most Martial Arts oriented families decided things with their fists upon coming of age. It just feels like I'm reading a manga chapter with 5 pages missing that explains the reasoning and logic behind this decision that turned Naomi into the inferior one she is today as far as Martial Art progress goes.

Sneaky 12 year old
I'm not sure how a seemingly less talented individual with no motivation or love for martial arts can master the art of concealment to the degree that not even a true master class like her parents and grand parents would be unable to detect her. Aren't they supposedly great masters in martial arts? This part also feels out of place because up to this point the history tried to solidify Naomi's character as the inferior talentless girl among the twins, yet this feat seems like something we can expect from a unrivaled genius prodigy in the making. By all means if I'm correct in thinking this family is something like a modern day equivalent of a skilled assassin martial arts family, with the presence concealment alone I would immediately assume Naomi would be chosen over her sister.
Reason being? Between the two I would assume Naomi would be the stronger one. I don't know if you know this but in martial arts people frequently try to hide their true intentions and they usually go about it by pulling feints. Some are simply more naturally gifted at hiding their intentions by having less of a presence. If I were to label Naomi she fits into the latter category making her far more dangerous than her sister.

Beloved Sister?
I don't understand where this love is coming from. Naomi's very existence is overshadowed by her sister in every possible way that Naomi hardly ever takes on the spotlight for anyone in her family... If anything I'd think she hates her sister simply for breathing the same air as her. She was a cheap replica/replacement for her sister, harsh but this is what it feels like from a third perspective.

Basically Gemstones are Espers who manifest an Ability without the aid of the Academy City's Power Curriculum. They do exist but their numbers are comparatively small and it's very rare to see them. As such I'd be grateful if you can reconsider and edit this part of her history so that she develops one in Academy City instead.

She's quite strong...
Even without relying on her abilities, I think her kit already makes her a very formidable individual. Course I could be basing this on a certain masked man who managed to beat his esperlike foes with nothing but wires and acrobatics but.... yeah I don't see the point of adding an ESP to her already powerful kit. I think she'd be one of the rarer characters that are heavily underestimated because she's a Lv0 but ends up beating up characters that are 4 levels higher than her using martial arts alone.

I have more to add but it's 2am and I'm due for another morning shift tomorrow morning so I'll continue this when I get home.
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Post  Kurohasu Naomi Sat Oct 26, 2013 9:38 am

Thank you for actually reading through it all. I really do appreciate it. To answer your questions thus far:

Ninja Family
She was not supposed to be in a ninja family; initially her family was going to be affiliated with the Nine Dragons (since the character was started a year ago as a pair with Trystan) but Guy had me get rid of that. It was then made into an organization, but that got cut out too. So now all that's left is just a fairly traditional martial arts family that runs their own dojo teaching their own style.

Older = Better
You are perfectly correct in saying that the succession should be merit based. Since they were twins, they were both possible contenders for the position, and happened to be equally talented. However, knowing that she had a sister who could take the position didn't create a rivalry between them; instead, Naomi decided she wasn't really interested in martial arts and left it all to her sister so she could do other things. The reason her sister is in line to inherit is because in terms of ability, she is better now. While the older one was doing extra training, Naomi was sneaking out to see the town. In short, the knowledge that there was a back up plan made her get complacent.

This was based on the theory that if you want something badly enough, you'll find a way to get it. She's not interested in martial arts, but she'll do whatever it takes to sneak out of the house, even if it means practicing more. In terms of talent, it's established that she's not inferior, she just lacks the motivation to apply herself most of the time. Only focusing on the aspects that benefit her (concealment) and disregarding all the rest can certainly be considered a waste of talent, but that's why her sister is better suited to be next in line.

The main reason she can evade the notice of her parents (at least what I had intended) is because her parents don't actually care what she's up to as long as she's not sneaking out again. They no longer expect anything out of her, so as long as she stays in the house where she can't cause trouble, they're satisfied. It's kind of like how you look into your refrigerator looking for the milk and don't notice the bottle of water on the lower shelf. You might see it, but you don't take notice because you don't really need to. That's also why her sister can find her every time; Kaleissa is more conscious of Naomi, so she notices her presence when others do not.

Beloved Sister
I do see where you're coming from on this point. The way I envisioned it, Naomi has no reason to resent her sister simply because she had no desire to take the spotlight in the first place. To her, being forced to succeed the dojo is more of a chore than a blessing, and she's quite thankful that her sister is willing to take that role for her. You might expect the animosity to come from her sister instead, but the Kaleissa I had in mind is more of a 'good girl' type who actually enjoys martial arts. Since there's no conflict of interest, the two of them get along perfectly fine.

This can probably be adjusted according to your direction. I'm not too familiar with the details of the Toaru universe, so I wanted to find some way to justify the nature of her ability. I'll change it and let you know when it's been edited. Edited accordingly.

In actuality, Naomi was designed to be an esper, not a martial artist. She's not supposed to be some sort of master who strikes from the shadows and takes out an opponent in a single strike. She's more like that girl who took karate as a kid but stopped once she got to high school to protect her face, and picked up the flute instead. Yes, she's sneaky like a master, but that ability was born from the fact that she wanted to get out of the house. To put her mastery level in perspective, she's probably somebody who could make the high school team and go to tournaments but would end up ranking somewhere in the middle. In my opinion, there are more than enough martial artists/swordmasters/gun masters roaming around already. I did consider making her family a bakery instead, but it was harder to justify getting kicked out to Academy City.

On that note, her esper ability isn't supposed to be for combat either. It can be used against people, sure, but I didn't really have a fight-crazed assassin girl stalking people from the shadows in mind when I decided to join. I have Trystan for that.

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Post  [Old] Index Sun Oct 27, 2013 7:24 pm

Thanks for answering my questions regarding the character.

Now that I have some free time to sit down and carefully analyze it further I came to find more questions that might need to be answered.

After discussing with you I realize that this is just an ordinary family with some martial arts background but why does it sound like it's some kind of a dark organized crime syndicate? Your history tells me that she's been carrying out successful missions... what are these missions? Are you certain she's not some kind of a secret village ninja?

Being Twins is Bad Bad Bad
I'm also left wondering how Naomi's very existence was a huge threat to Kalessia's succession. I thought this was a small family matter between one family, why would Naomi's existence bring shame and ultimately downfall of Kalessia's ascension? Negative influences? Why would that matter when her parents already decided the older one will be the one taking over the Dojo? There shouldn't be any other candidates than Naomi and her sister who are eligible to take on the Dojo and it's been mentioned several times in the history that Naomi has been eliminated from taking over the Dojo, so I don't quite understand where this absolute need to keep Naomi in house arrest stems from. In the first place can a 12 year old bring such a great shame to threaten someone else's succession? Are Martial Artists in Black Lotus filled with fickle adults who uses a 12 year old as an excuse to prevent another 12 year old from inheriting the Dojo? Which also gives rise to another question, why would they care to begin with? What the younger twin does is her problem alone, why would it lead back to the older one? If there are reasons for them to try and prevent the girl from inheriting the dojo why would they try desperately to do so? What is their motive behind this mysterious act of involving themselves with another family's affairs? I think it's strange to begin with that someone other than family members would want to mess with family problems unless it was domestic abuse which would then be disrupted by the Police.

Rather than worrying about the younger twin I think they should have paid more attention in training their older one instead which seems to be the case going by what you have so far.

I don't really understand the whole need for them to excommunicate her. Current reasoning as it stands is that she was frequently leaving home to go out to play when she's not supposed to, yet it was also addressed that her parents really don't care what she does with her life since all they care about is the older sibling. These two elements when you put them together doesn't make any sense. On one side they couldn't care less if their daughter got eaten by a wild lion that sprang out from the zoo and went on a killing rampage in it's wake, yet on the other side they're happily care enough to remove her from the family register for not being home.... so yeah I'm seeing some strange contradictions here. If this excommunication is all about her being in the way of Kalessia's succession well... I still can't fathom how being born a twin would have such a high consequence for the chosen one. Also going by the history Naomi doesn't seem like the type that causes much problems for her surroundings so I think the idea behind Naomi's existence becoming potential threat to Kalessia is completely misfounded.

Flute Madness
Does members of her household honestly believe a 12 year old can instantly become fluent with a musical instrument? Because if that's how they really think I don't know how they would have any expectations from their disciples when they instantly believe 12 year olds can become masters over night. Their parents seem wealthy enough to run a dojo and send their less beloved daughter to Academy City, why couldn't they let her have one of the rooms for her to practice the flute? Unless... the dojo is very poor and everyone sleeps in the same room, in which case how does her parents financially support her to live in Academy City? Mind you most kids that go to school in Academy City come from families that are more or less above average financially. Touma's family isn't rich but they definitely aren't poor either.

Trystan is my...(User Input Pending)?
What exactly is her involvement or relation to Trystan? There's no mention of him in your profile at all.
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Post  Kurohasu Naomi Sun Oct 27, 2013 8:20 pm

Ah you're right about that part. Like I mentioned earlier, the family was originally affiliated with the Nine Dragons, hence the assignment of some missions to the upcoming generation as part of the training. Now that this connection is no longer the case, I'll remove it; thanks for catching that. [Removal complete]

I had envisioned a traditional martial arts dojo setting, with students from outside enrolling in the school as well. Since succession is merit based like you said, even outsiders could theoretically be candidates, but of course the family would prefer to keep the headmaster position within the clan. Luckily, the sisters are talented enough to be at the top in terms of ability, so with the family bias, they're the only candidates. So there are other students present, not just the two of them.

As to the matter of house arrest, this has more to do with the family reputation as seen by outsiders. Not only are Kaleissa and Naomi twins, they're identical twins. Anything Naomi does could be mistaken for something Kaleissa does, and considering how traditional this family is supposed to be, they're not likely to just laugh it off and say "oh no, that was the younger one, she's so mischievous". Instead, it's much more preferable to keep her in the house where she can't risk damaging the family reputation, simply as an individual member of the family. Why not kill her? As parents, they probably don't want to kill her off, mostly out of sentiment, except as a last resort. At most, since Naomi has yet to do anything really excessive, they just try to keep her in the house. Why not beat her or chain her? Again, mainly due to bad rep; they don't want the village to talk, since the rest of the world outside the family is still relatively modern in terms of mindset. From what I know of the traditional martial arts schools, students (and younger martial siblings, to use the Chinese term) obey the orders of the headmaster even for menial tasks like gate keeping, so they'd be the one to keep watch most of the time.

The idea is that if you can't control it, you get rid of it. This goes back to the family reputation again, except with more emphasis on the fact that they have the same face. If the headmaster candidate does something bad, it's not as big of a deal as if the headmaster does something bad. Especially when Naomi is using her innate talent to develop her abilities to evade house arrest, she's getting to the point where her family simply does not have the resources to spare to keep her under watch, since they do need to focus on preparing the older one to take over. There doesn't even need to be the certainty that Naomi will do something bad; after all, she has yet to go on a rampage. It's the fact that the risk is there, and out of their control, that worries them. If Naomi had stayed in the house quietly, they wouldn't have a problem. If the sisters weren't identical twins, they would still need to keep her under control for reputation reasons, but may not have needed to go as far as to excommunicate her. Unfortunately, Naomi fails on both accounts. Chalk it up to the last vestiges of parental love that instead of killing her off, they send her to Academy City, a place which is almost a military state and has the latest technology and greatest ability to keep errant students under control.

Flute Madness
I would say that the family is relatively well off, at least enough to adhere to very traditional practices and make a living off of teaching. At the very least, they're an old and established family with a reputation to maintain. That said, they're people too, and people have limits. During the day, Naomi adheres to the training regimen, albeit reluctantly, so her practice time comes late at night, when people would really like to get a proper rest. Sound carries, and Naomi's abysmally bad at the flute. After two years of sleepless nights, they'd be understandably pissed. Naomi has no problem sacrificing sleep to practice either. Martial arts is low priority to her, so she doesn't feel the need to put her all into it. She simply shows up and goes through the motions.

OOC, he's a friend of mine. IC, he's supposed to be my character development catalyst. They have no history together (except the rp sample) but things have to start somewhere, ne?

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Post  [Old] Index Sun Nov 03, 2013 1:42 am

[Esper] Kurohasu Naomi Approval3_zps87fd0b6b

Congrats! Lv1 Flash Frost.

Just remember that your power works similarly like Uiharu's and that is via direct physical touch. In saying so I'm going to have to ask that the range is reduced to point blank range since you can't have a physical touch 4~12 meters away. ^^
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