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[Magician] Nikolas Remes

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[Magician] Nikolas Remes Empty [Magician] Nikolas Remes

Post  Nikolas Remes Mon Jul 03, 2017 9:01 pm

Nikolas Remes

"Bringing salvation to those forever trapped in purgatory."

[Magician] Nikolas Remes Heiwajima.Shizuo.full.1036415

"Losing my siblings was devastating, but they became scars to remind me not to allow anyone else experience my pain."

FULL NAME: Nikolas Remes
OCCUPATION: Tracker/Pub owner
FACTION: Necessarius

APPEARANCE: His hair short and scruffy, blonde in colour and his eyes dark brown. Nikolas is a tall man, with an above average fitness and more often seen in his bartending uniform. Which consists of black shoes, white shirt and a bartender vest. He also on occasion wears black sunglasses and carries a large bunch of keys made from pure silver attached to his belt. He also has a modern torch attached to his belt.

When using his bow he often wears black archery gloves fit for purpose. He's also seen wearing a pair of black frame glasses.

HEIGHT: 182.88cm [6'0”]
WEIGHT: 79kg

While he does come off as cold at first, it's just as result of his past situation. Betrayed and hurt, Nikolas finds it hard to get close to anyone or at least let them in what he's feeling. More often and not this is a result of not wanting to allow the said individual to get hurt themselves or experienced what he went through. Often protecting them by pushing the individual away, but once you have earned his trust he starts to warm up to you and yet remains protective if the situation calls for it. In the end, Nikolas is someone who's personality is scarred by his experiences and yet beneath the murky depths of his personality is someone ultimately kind.
Nikolas deals with problems sensibly and realistically based on practical and rational solutions rather influenced by personal and theoretical considerations. He also sets out realistic goals in a step by step manner to deal with certain issues. Basically, he doesn't believe in idealistic values and sees the morality of the world as it is and makes rational solutions to deal with it. For example with child abduction, the highest percentage of kidnappers are related to the family. This is normally caused by disputes and to solve these matters or to prevent them Nikolas works on settling those disputes and thus removes any reason to not only kidnapped the child but to also keep them captured.
Nikolas sometimes considered cheap he only just excels at managing the resources given to him. Stretching them further than anyone else to survive on just enough to get by; this is shown the most by the amount of money he takes out of his pub business. Nikolas only takes out a small wage to cover his expenses, but he isn't alien to the concept of treating himself from time to time.
You can always count on him to get a job done, the very least seeing it through to the end. Nikolas has a proven track record based on experience and can always be counted on taking up a mission where no one else wants to do either being killing a target or taking on impossible odds.
+The Hunt
He gets excited by any notion of the hunt, either be for animals or to find people to kill or just capture. In similar ways, you can compare him to any hunting animal like his hounds. But this innocent enjoyment for the sport is mostly that, innocent enjoyment. But not every person is completely straight forward if a time comes he lets someone in and cares for that person. And then seeing them seriously hurt or killed this enjoyment becomes temporarily but dangerously twisted. (Check Weakness)

Hunting: He enjoys the hunt, the race to track and find or kill the target.
Hunting Hounds His favourite animals and companions.
Smoking: His line of work can be stressful especially if he fails to find someone.
Classical Music: Peaceful music which helps him focus and train his patience.
Archery: A sport and his most effective skill behind tracking, he enjoys practicing his aim as much the hunt.
Camping: To look at the night sky and witness the wonders of the stars and moon.
Gardening: For ingrediants for the business and herbs for the poisons. It has become a peaceful part of his life.
Cleaning: A clean envoriment for a buisness is always good buisness.
Good alcohol: Good drink equates to happy customers and continued business.
Good customers Good customers equals a safe and joyful envoirment for everyone
Missing individuals: Self-explained with his history
Kidnappers: Self-explained with his history
Argumentive customers: He likes his customers to feel safe in his pub.
Spicy foods: No tolerance for hot food.
Guns: For replacing the bow in society.
Scammers: Anyone who tried to take advantage of the vulnerable he hates.
Egotists: That attitude just pisses him off!

Hunting is a practice to trap and kill animals and either humans or tracking with the intent of doing so. While originally a skill applied to animal originally it has since been adopted to hunt humans as part of his job to 'find others'. This also includes the art of collecting and using information as part of the method of tracking someone down. It's one of the reasons why his pub business exists as a method to develop contacts and open up potential sources of information.
+Eidetic memory
Commonly known as Photographic memory is an ability to accurately recall images from memory after only a few instances of exposure. This helps Nikolas remember certain aspects about targets, minor clues which can be overlooked and more important observation information of enemy movements or animals to help his hunt.
From learning the practice, Nikolas has learned to understand the techniques and concepts of training hunting hounds. This has resulted in particular advantages in getting his hounds to track targets through smell, follow targets and sneak up on the enemies on command. This also shows a level of devotion between Nikolas and his hounds him finding he can trust the hounds to work with him on important missions. Normally just taking one or two at a time when out on the field. The hound is there to help him track targets or to help guard Nikolas once he's busy firing his bow.
+Minor Strengths
Nikolas has a few minor strengths to note, being his efficiency at running a pub and providing a safe haven but also his driving skills owning a Jeep to travel around in.

+Hyperopia & Close-Combat
Nikolas has no real experience or training in close-quarters combat in general. All his combat and magical manoeuvres focus on the long to mid-range. So anyone with an inclination of close combat training in any form would easily best him, this basically makes him a push over. This is further worsened by his eyes which have the condition of Hyperopia (long sightedness), basically meaning without glasses to eluviate it anything close to him appears out of focus and blurred. And glasses can be easily targeted in a close combat fight.
Being a smoker is one of the deadly addictions, and without cultivating his addiction he would start gaining the withdrawal symptoms like the 'shakes' which can make it very hard for him to aim properly.
+Twisted Hunt
When a situation arises he cares for someone and that person gets seriously hurt or killed. Nikolas enters a type rage which results from him into hunting down the culprit or anyone he thinks responsible. Basically out for blood, Nikolas' logical senses are overwhelmed and seek nothing but to severely punish or kill those responsible. While this deploys his strengths with no sense of fear of indecision it's possibly his most dangerous weaknesses. He's far more prone to manipulation in this state and can be tricked to believe others are the culprits. He also foregoes any sense of cooperation, destabilising any sense of teamwork previously and will not stop until he sees the matter resolved. One way to break him out of this state is a massive shock to his system making him realise what he had done.
+Minor weaknesses
Nikolas has few minor weaknesses to note, being his inability to travel by Aeroplanes without suffering panic attacks and the problem of limited resources with his arrows. He also suffers from cat allergies much to his discomfort and tries to avoid them but he loves them all the same.

HISTORY:Nikolas is the eldest child of two with a Greek father and Serbian mother. Born amid growing tensions in the Balkans in the mid to late twentieth century. His father would attempt to protect him and his new family from the chaos by bringing them back to his home country of Greece. And yet while their family had grown, Nikolas' parents remained active in the field. They never gave up their desires as magicians even with a family and often at times, this tested the limits of that idea. To the point where his grandfather would take the children on hunting trips to shield them from situations which would follow his parents home.

It was these trips is when Nikolas got into hunting and him along with his younger sibling would go on many with his grandfather. They would track down animals to kill, and it would lay the foundations of Nikolas' ability with the bow and tracking skills. But one trip would change everything as their eyes left the younger sibling just for one moment to celebrate Nikolas' first kill and in that time the younger sibling would vanish. They were gone, and the two looked everywhere, and even after his parents joined the search, they would never see the younger sibling again.

Losing their youngest child would put a strain on the parent's relationship, but it had also motivated Nikolas to learn magic finally. The young boy knew about magic as it was never kept a secret by his parents, but they never bothered teaching him as it was a decision that had to be made by himself. And Nikolas made it not for any personal glory, but to never allow others to go through what he had experienced. Nikolas had missed his sibling, what hurt most was not living in ignorance of what happened or if his younger sibling is even alive or not. It was this idea of waiting for answers; the uncertainty was like torture not only to him but also to the rest of the family. This lead to the development and realisation of his magic name, Purgatorium432.

And so his training begun under the guidance of both parents, they taught him everything they had known and Nikolas had learned quickly. But something unavoidable happened over time, Nikolas can only watch as his parents drifted apart until he never saw his Mother again. This had just made him more motivated at first until he finished his training under his father. And upon completion, his father would give him something to celebrate the end of his training. It was a Greek Harehound puppy which Nikolas would call Orias and would be his partner for many years.

But his father would leave afterwards without a word in the night, and he would never see him again. Nikolas would never understand why and can only felt like he had been abandoned. Maybe they went to keep searching, but Nikolas felt hurt and wouldn't be able, to be honest with anyone in case they also left.  But despite this, they would also motivate him to find out what happened to them and his younger sibling. And more importantly, it taught him never to abandon others, shown when he never left his grandfather until his death and only then would he leave to travel across Europe.

From one mercenary job to the other, to one country and next Nikolas would go around building connections and solving problems similar in fashion to how his parents had done. He would learn many skills and traits thanks to his memory including habits of targets he would be forced to track. He would on occasion travel outside Europe to see the world, but it always had lead back to that same continent. The sort of jobs he had taken mostly involved investigations and tracking. But sometimes he had been hired to assassinate elusive targets which could only be found by his arrow.

But Nikolas had to put down roots, going from one place to the other without something to call home had made him feel disillusioned at times. And so he did in Germany, he opened a pub and using his skills he had learned over the years but also to use his contacts to establish an information network. This was mostly done through business links, but it had connections across the continent to which Nikolas disguised as importing alcohol. He went this far to dismantle the human trafficking ring in Europe. One troubling lead sent him straight to the Balkans, and what he found was a disturbing reality. Just how far the paper trail went in the magical community and the human trafficking business. It had felt like he was trying to fight the entire world and realised he couldn't do it alone. So he turned to the one group he knew that could help him.

Necessarius, the church's expertise was crucial and fitting for him to achieve his purpose, and so he went to join. The test was fierce, and he almost was killed during it due to certain physical limitations, but miraculously he would somehow pass. He would then suggest turning his pub into an outpost in Europe so he can be stationed somewhere familiar and arguing his business connections could be used for the benefit of the church. This attempt would be successful and would return with support agents to establish themselves at this outpost in Europe. And afterwards, Nikolas would continue creating connections, and investigate all leads as he remains in his self-made purgatory. For the minor hope, he can at least save one other person from his fate and what he has suffered.

RANK: Field Agent
Purgatorium432: The meaning behind the name deprives of the waiting room between heaven and hell; Purgatory. But the magic name isn't based on the Christian belief but mainly what the theoretical belief implies. It's basically a waiting room which one is tortured based on their sins and thereafter they go to heaven or hell. But that's the thing, this magic name is based on the idea that 'waiting' is eternal torture. This can be waiting for a problem to be solved, like a war or a dispute. But the main example of being away from someone, not knowing if that person is safe or not. Basically not knowing and living in ignorance of the worries you face is in itself torture.

This viewpoint is shared by Nikolas who doesn't know if his sibling are alive or dead, well or ill and continues to worry waiting for an answer. But it grew to adopt the broader definition that 'waiting' for knowledge to answers regarding worries is torture and a pain no one should experience. So while this is a goal and a wish to end the suffering of those always waiting for answers.

This magic name is an oath that sets Nikolas on a path to prevent such situations or to solve them. He does this by understanding the reason behind what causes these problems and solving or preventing them through pragmatic means. But this magic name is also a reminder that he is also eternally waiting in purgatory, waiting for answers for his sibling and will push anyone out he finds along the way.

Magical Abilities: Having studied numerous Greek mythologies for the framework of his idol theory, Nikolas' core focus is on the two sibling gods of Apollo and Artemis. But also dabbles in ideas solely based on other Gods like Hecate and Helios.

+Bow of the Twin Gods
As the core focus of his spells, Apollo and Artemis are symbolised by this magical item. It's a long bow designed to length for Nikolas. It's inlaid with metal pieces of gold and silver; gold representing the Sun and therefore Apollo has symbolic carvings in each gold piece which represents the male twin god and is placed in one-half of the bow. Silver representing the moon and therefore Artemis has symbolic carvings in each silver piece which represents the female twin god and is placed in the opposite half of the bow.

Gold pieces having carvings of the Sun, Laurel Wreath, Tripod and even his sacred animals of the Python, Crow, Wolf, Dolphin, Swan and Mouse.
Silver pieces having carvings of the Moon and her sacred animals of the Stag, Hunting Dog, Boar, Bear, Guinea Fowl and Buzzard Hawk

The bow is then coloured with golden and silver paint which represents the divide and the celestial bodies; one-half painted in gold and the other in silver. The colours then merge as if meeting, a gradation effect in the middle to symbolise when day and night meet.

The idea behind this bow's construction is to mimic the day and night cycle. This is done by the simple method of turning as if representing the celestial bodies travel across the sky. For example, the golden part of the bow is facing upwards, representing the day of the cycle and the sun is in the sky. Nikolas can use magic related to Apollo in this situation and can only make the change to magic based on Artemis as simple as turning the bow anti-clockwise. This represents the sun travelling from east to west until the silver coloured portion of the bow is now upwards. And basically to turn back to the Apollo framework is by repeating the same method as the moon seems to travel east to the west across the sky.

The bow has been designed to give Nikolas choice between the two gods.

+Apollo's Arrow
Apollo guided the arrow shot from Paris to Achilles' only weakness his heel which ends up killing him. It was an act of revenge in response to Achilles' sacrilege in murdering Troilus, the god's own son by Hecuba on the very altar of their temple. This ability is performed to the same effect enchanting the arrow to seek out the enemy guided by Nikolas' magic.

This is done on a few conditions according to the rules of Idol theory.

  1. The golden part of the bow representing Apollo is upward respecting the core symbolism.
  2. Nikolas is a victim of a crime, either being harmed or otherwise that breaks the current laws of the land.
  3. The target must at first be in sight upon launching the arrow to respect the idea of aiming at them.

This creates a homing effect on the arrow towards the intended target allowing it follow them up to a maximum 370m. However, this is not the defined range for every shot made using this spell. This solely depends on the positioning of Nikolas on any given field, either being high up on a hill or the streets of a crowded city. The arrow's momentum is key to its effective range and will constantly stagnate depending on where Nikolas stood but also other conditions that can affect an arrow's trajectory. And the less momentum it has over the distance travelled the slower it gets.

To keep the homing effect active, Nikolas must maintain the correct positioning of the bow upward representing Apollo. Meaning it's possible to break this effect by forcing Nikolas to break the bow's upward position.

You can also counter this ability by destroying the arrow outright or blocking it by hiding behind metal doors or even thick wooden tables.

+Artemis' Arrow
In many of Artemis' mythological stories, she has been known to spread diseases among girls and women. Though to twist this meaning specially made arrows are used exclusively for this spell. These arrows have silver heads and carved into them is the female pagan symbol (Chalice), since the male pagan symbol (blade) is represented by the arrowhead itself. This creates the symbolism of gender overlapping.

  1. The silver part of the bow representing Artemis is upward respecting the core symbolism.
  2. Using the specially made arrows.

Upon getting hit by an arrow, the target is infected by a magically enhanced disease which causes Influenza-like symptoms and can be enhanced causing various stages of severity depending on the length of time the spell remains active.


  1. Serve headaches, aches in joints, sore throats, extreme tiredness in the muscles and a fever. This stage happens instantly upon being struck by the arrow.
  2. The disease develops further enhancing stage 1 symptoms while adding coughing and extreme vomiting. This stage starts to occur after five minutes under the spell.  
  3. This stage enhances the previous stages while now also tricking the immune system to attack the body and blood cells. Which would eventually cause blood clotting, organ failure and death. This starts to happen after ten minutes and the death stage most likely will happen after the twenty-minute mark.

These conditions and stages can only occur as long Nikolas keeps the bow's positioning representing Artemis upright respecting the symbolism. Once that position becomes broken the target infected by the disease and the conditions they suffered starts to fade even if they almost reach death. The symptoms, however, could be suppressed or healed completely through a combination of cleaning the wound and the application of healing magic.

+Eyes' of Helios
Apollo often identified as Helios who's known as the all-seeing God for always being in the sky travels on his chariot across it. As long the sun is in the sky, Helios can see anything but only places that are touched by the sun's rays.

This spell is in effect replicating this legend of the All-seeing God.

  1. It first requires a paper map of the location you want to search. This is important as depending on the map type the details he can see are either being blurry or the most distinctive. With the larger the maps, for example, the world map, will give him the worse view, however, all the way down to the map of a town will have the best view. This makes it highly efficient to acquire specific maps for the mission and is thus limited in searching range to the maps he has on hands unless he manages to obtain them while out in the field.
  2. A torch which Nikolas uses a modern one creates a pseudo-sun above the earth(map).
  3. With the torch is turned on, just how the sun travels across the sky move the light across the map until a general location is found the light narrows and acts as a magnifying glass over the area.

Once a map is selected for use, the light for the torch creates a magnifying effect giving Nikolas a bird's eye view of the area. He is then able to play to his strength using his strong memory, to store what ever he sees as information to sort out later not only to get an idea of the current situation but also to work out leads towards the target's exact location. However, this spell only works where the sun's light can reach and that means it doesn't work indoors or at night.

Light also can't be artificial and has to be natural sunlight.

+Goddess of the Hunt
Hecate the triple goddess of magic, necromancy and crossroads. She is also the goddess of the moon and the hunt. While her belief system is on the fringes of ancient Greek mythology, she still holds similarities to Artemis. The fact they both represent the moon and the hunt, along with both owning and using packs of dogs as a form of tool. For this spells concept, Hecate used the dogs like watch dogs at night while placing torches around as a method of keeping watch. This helped alert the town just before they get attacked.

Basically turning his hounds as mobile sentries and Nikolas uses them to this effect.

Hecate is known to be symbolised with keys and Nikolas always carries a bunch of keys associated with his business on one ring to his belt. And the torch is used to see through the eyes of the dogs.

  1. Each key in Nikolas' possession has a counterpart corresponding key attached to the dog's collar.
  2. The keys are made from pure silver and the torch base at least coloured in silver.
  3. The torch must be turned on for Nikolas to see what the dogs see through the light.
  4. To choose what dog to see through he takes the corresponding key and places it above the lit torchlight.

And to this effect, Nikolas is able to connect to the hound's senses through the use of the torchlight. While he can only see through one at the time, he can switch between them by putting the corresponding keys into the light from the torch. This, in turn, makes the light as a visual window into the eyes of the selected Hound.

Other people can also break the connection by either removing the unique key from Nikolas or the corresponding Hound. There is at least one hound at the Ye Olde Tavern and the Anglican church allowing to keep a line of communication with both.

Other Abilities:

+Archery: Nikolas has a remarkable talent for archery ever since he was young and his skill often is considered magical due to his magical framework. But whatever you believe he has put time and dedication in training his archery skills. Just like Artemis, he practices often firing arrows into a tree first before practising on wild animals. He often does this almost every day, early hours in the morning as a workout since the pub doesn't open until later.

He hasn't missed a single day of practice for over ten years, dedicating at least an hour of his time daily. An example of his skills developed with his practice.  

  • Quick Shot: Quickly firing an arrow at a medium-range distance without much sacrifice in accuracy. Good for hunting animals who suddenly appear from the bushes or hiding spots or enemies attempt to sneak up on him.
  • Long shot: The most accurate shot which takes the most time to get it right, it's one of his core sniping techniques and has the most penetrating power along with accuracy.
  • Accuracy: His constant practice has allowed him to develop his accuracy over the years, making him rarely miss and while his aim isn't perfect he has a remarkable track record of shooting down moving targets.
  • Range & details: Nikolas' bow is based on the longbow, its draw power weight is at 60 pounds the maximum it can achieve. While Nikolas has shot a record 800 paces or 243 metres in distance for accurate shots. These are the maximum records that the longbow can achieve and this only made possible in Nikolas' hands due to his experience and constant practice over nearly ten years.

Other Equipment:

+Nikolas' quiver: A normal quiver it holds Nikolas' arrows carrying up to 30 arrows.

  • 25 of the arrows have bodkin points which increase penetrating power and are his normal arrows
  • 5 of these arrows have silver bodkin points and has the female pagan symbol carved into each arrow to complete the gender overlapping symbolism.

+Hunting Knife: Just a normal knife he uses in self defense, fletching or skinning animals.

Pets: Nikolas has adopted seven Greek harehounds, loyal companions who help Nikolas achieve his aims. He loves them as like they're family, they help protect his pub and create a safe environment in his small corner of Europe.

Leon:A Male Greek harehound is a loyal and trained companion, only three years old he is a reliable and curious. Making Leon the best tracker among the seven.
Argo:A Female Greek Harehound is a loyal and trained companion, only four years old is a reliable guard dog and very protective of her owner.
Dromas: A male Greek harehound is a loyal and trained companion, almost eight years old is one of Nikolas' oldest companion. He is the most experienced companion in the field with Nikolas.
Orias: A female Greek harehound is a loyal and trained companion, almost ten years old she is the oldest companion with Nikolas. Due to her advancing age, she isn't able to go on missions anymore and spends her time guarding the pub. She has a curious nature and is often keen meeting new visitors and can tell if they're a bad person or not.
Theron: A male Greek harehound is the youngest of the pack and while loyal isn't as effectively trained. Very quirky and loveable Nikolas has lately not pushed to train him considering him only being a few months old.  
Cronus: A male Greek Harehound is a loyal and trained companion, two years old he is the fastest among the pack with a defiant nature.
Alce:A female Greek harehound is a loyal and trained companion, she is also two years old and is a rather sneaky hound among the lot very good at keeping hidden. She remains stationed at the Anglican church as a requirement for a connection between them and Nikolas.

Ye Olde Tavern:The pub founded by Nikolas near the Eifel National Park in Germany was created to help achieve his aims, it also serves as a hub and station for Anglican church members on the mainland continent. Traditional standard pub taking ideas from Britain and Germany, it serves all sorts of alcohol from across the continent and even serves delicious warm food. It gets most of its trade from those travelling between Germany and the Netherlands. It also has a secret entrance to the National Park from a corridor located in the basement.

Nikolas being the owner is supported by a group of staff with connections to the Anglican Church.

Ground Floor: Where the main business is located and open to the public it has an old and cosy feeling like it was a safe environment. The hounds are often seen in the back area, but also one remains near the front acting as a guard and Nikolas' constant eyes on the front. There is modern distractions which are put in place for the general public and customers. It also has a remote people clearing field that can be activated when needed to clear the place out.

Back Garden: Is a large and open garden looked after by one of the staff, it's where most of the hounds reside and keep guard of the surrounding areas alerting Nikolas if required. While customers can sit out here they remain on the benches on the porch. There is a small greenhouse restricted from public access and is where Nikolas grows ingredients for poisons and cures. One of the hounds remains here keeping unwanted visitors away.

first floor: Dedicated to sleeping quarters for the staff and guests, it has a total of eight rooms on this level with each one being large enough to accommodate two people. There is also a shared bathroom on this floor.

Second Floor: Nikolas' private quarters and his personal office. It's basically a home with a bedroom, personal kitchen and bathroom. It also has an office which Nikolas meets with church officials privately or to trade information. Orias and Dromas are the only two hounds allowed up here and while at the pub Dromas is often guarding it at all times.

Basement: A private area where most of the pub's alcohol and supplies are stored it is also the location of Nikolas' equipment and a secret escape route that leads directly to the national park.

[Magician] Nikolas Remes Mtwash-omni-mount-washington-resort-cave-bar-1


PLAYER'S NAME: Nikolas Remes
CHATANGO NAME: AlexanderBeathen
FACE CLAIM: Shizuo Heiwajima from Durarara!!
MISC. INFORMATION: Created as a replacement for Alexander Beathen who has been turned into a SNPC.

Last edited by Nikolas Remes on Sat Nov 04, 2017 7:00 pm; edited 62 times in total
Nikolas Remes
Nikolas Remes

Posts : 63
Join date : 2017-06-30

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Post  Nikolas Remes Tue Jul 11, 2017 4:41 pm

Test Post::
It was near enough time to close the Ye Olde Tavern, the last few customers are always a trouble to move on. Not because they were annoying customers, but because they were merry and full of life they didn't want to the time to end. But as he soon closed the front doors to the pub behind the last, the door was locked and he turned around to observe his domain. His hounds finally had the freedom to move around without bothering anyone and his staff members also members of the Anglican church begun to clean up.

But as he looked around pleased with another successful day he noticed something missing. Orias the oldest Greek Harehound and Nikolas' eldest companion was missing from her bed. She had taken a liking to sleeping near the front entrance, always curious about those who entered the pub. Often well liked by the customers, she was considered the guardian of the Tavern as she made everyone feel safe.

At this time she would be asleep like a routine in her bed that hasn't changed for years, but she was nowhere to be found. And it would be Dromas who came towards Nikolas this second eldest acting unusual that got him to follow. He would be lead towards the back heading out towards the Beer guardian there on the porch would be Orias lying down.

From that angle and moment, it had occurred to Nikolas for the first time how old she had gotten. She was the eldest of all the hounds he had adopted and has been with him before evening joining the church. To him, she has been with Nikolas throughout many important moments of his life and seeing her like this was an eye opener.

Dromas remained behind them guarding them as Nikolas sat down next to Orias, the old girl slowly moved her head no leaning on his leg. After stroking her it was clear she was tired and exhausted, she previously went along with him on a mission a few days ago and has yet to recover from the fatigue. Seeing this only made Nikolas sad, but he was also happy at the same time.

"It's been some journey, hasn't it?" Nikolas said stroking Orias to keep her comfortable. "You've been with me since my education in Athens and you fought with me during the Nessarius entrance exams..." Nikolas continued pulling on his collar a bit showing just a small bit of his burns he suffered all those years ago. He had only suffered burns on his left side for protecting Orias during an incident as the exams occurred, it was worth the price as Orias had been a faithful companion ever since. "You've helped me save so many people and establish this place in return. Thank you old girl, but it's time for you rest easy and let Dromas here take over." Nikolas continued stroking Orias and then Dromas who moved forward responding to his name.

Greek Harehounds have an average life span of eleven years, Orias has been around for ten years of Nikolas life just as he started education in Athens. Always been there by his side this simple act of retiring the old girl was hard enough for him. But he knows that even if she can no longer come with him on missions, her presence wouldn't be missed as along with Nikolas she helped look after the other hounds as they grown. Teaching them many things as they've grown there was a bit of Orias in all of the other hounds even the stubborn Dromas.

She was a good judge of character, more often than not acting as a reliable guard dog. Ever since opening the pub she has always watched closely as customers entered those door, curious everytime someone came in. Now she can spend most of her remaining days what she enjoys best, and be guarding after the home she helped to establish.

Nikolas Remes
Nikolas Remes

Posts : 63
Join date : 2017-06-30

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Post  Leivinia Birdway Thu Jul 13, 2017 11:48 am

The design is actually quite nice, much like some of the concepts. Good job on those. I’m happy!
Unfortunately, while that is what I would have loved to conclude my first impression with, I’m struck with the realisation that this might become quite a long evaluation phase…or at least a heavy inferno.

I. The History – Major Clearance Sale

Time to jump at your throat~!

An old pact that has been in existence since the Greek War of Independence? I don’t think this will cut it. Frankly, I highly doubt it. No, I’m just against it. Look the Anglican Church wouldn’t wish to make matters more complicated by messing around on another church’s territory on that scale. And of course they wouldn’t hold any interest in recruiting Magicians from somewhere on the basis of a pact, let alone allow for such Magicians to be produced in the first place. I mean, their goal basically is eradicating all Magicians from the face of the world by using those that already exist as their expandable pawns.
That actually brings us right to the next point. Why would that Teacher even take him up, if exactly those conditions apply? This isn’t the first time I’m pointing this out, but please do consider that a Necessarius member would put themselves in danger by taking up something akin to a pupil, since that pretty much hurts the purpose of the organisation.

So please, oh please, remove the whole pact aspect from his history.

Next we’re actually going to tackle another common issue with a lot of Magician profiles.
A Magician never stops being a Magician. This is what the Magic Name stands for and this is why the Magic Name is the first thing that is imparted onto a Magician. Yeah, I am aware that this is probably the rant I am giving every single time, but when somebody becomes a Magician that is exactly the very same time they pick up their Magic Name, basically making it the one purpose to dedicate their life to. When however was that time for Nikolas? During the camp fire lessons or when his siblings were lost? I do not see a proper, insightful explanation on his Magic Name or its origins in this profile, so make it explicit, yes?
Furthermore how, under these conditions, did his grandfather even retire, if there is no such thing as retirement to begin with?

OK, basically his siblings were abducted, his grandfather who, by the way, is an expert Magician war veteran was killed and shortly after that he meets a person telling him they’re using his sibling to blackmail him into loyalty. I don’t know, but if it were me I had plenty of alarms ringing in my head. Think about it.

I mean I already pretty much blocked the path by making it clear that this way of joining Necessarius is not possible considering they’re not into creating new Magicians to their own convenience, but I do feel the overall direction you took is quite messy to begin with. There’s no signs of his apparent hatred for churches and the like, and there is no actual logic applied at various places, like more or less the entire background to him joining Necessarius.

My suggestion would be to rewrite the history entirely in an attempt to seek a less ambitious outcome that avoids the aforementioned problems. Simplicity is king after all. Like for example splitting the history between the time he became a Magician and the time he joined Necessarius, placing them as adjacent events, not inter connected.

II. The General Combat Stuff – It’s hard to balance a character, but

The strengths and weaknesses this time around are really entirely unbalanced. While we do have an overwhelming amount of strengths on the one side, the weaknesses are barely existent. He’s bad at close quarters combat against experts and he’s struck by the issue of having limited resources, like his count of arrows or the fact that his bow could simply be destroyed; both of which conditions that more or less apply to anyone naturally, thus rendering these as impossible weakness candidates to begin with. Aside from that we only have minor stuff like an allergy and aerophobia…

To worsen it we do have someone who is physically strong, capable of advanced first aid, rather adept at tracking, an expert with he bow, can survive in the wilderness and has a photographic memory. All strengths of which each could quite easily outweigh the remaining weaknesses. Not only in numbers but really in overall weight. A weight that goes far enough to not only make him unbalanced but have him step into the domain of the overly perfect Gary Stus, bringing up an even bigger issue.

Therefore do both, add more actually effectual weaknesses and remove at least one strength.

III. The Spells – This is how you Magic

Admittedly, I do like the idea behind the bow. This is a nice Magical Item, really. Good job.

However, whenever I find myself able to praise you, I also find myself able to tear entire concepts apart…

Let’s kick stuff of with the Apollo Spell by making one thing clear: NEVER use the caster’s emotional state or whatever not explicitly physical as part of the symbolism necessary for the spell’s activation. It not only defies the idea of using worldly symbolism like objects, movements or other conditions as a baseline, it just is entirely pointless in itself. Why? Because you can’t be angry all the time (unless you’re a member of this staff for some reason). So please do remove this from the spell, will you?

Obviously this isn’t all, though. I don’t like the spell in general. He can shoot an arrow at a target and that arrow will just chase them like a homing missile guided by his eyesight or whatever. Isn’t that a bit lacklustre? Couldn’t you have brought in some more mythology or some other condition to apply here? Like for example a reference to how Apollo directed the arrow shot by Paris into Achilles’s heel – his sole weak spot, by the way – as a kind of revenge for his evil deeds. Building on that you could very well say that the spell requires for Nikolas to be wounded or in other way receiving a negative effect inflicted by the enemy, then setting the successful attacker up as the target.
Still, even then I’m not really happy with your description on the counter measures against the arrow. Can you fix that please? I need explicit methods, like destroying the arrow, an absolute maximum range or it ending up stuck somewhere.

Heading over to Artemis, I need to say the same thing: I’m not happy with this spell. It feels even more lacklustre than Apollo, simply because it doesn’t feel like anything that makes sense mythology wise or whatever. I mean where exactly does the missile shot idea originate from?
I did actually take a short read into the respective wikipedia articles for both of them and what did I find there? Good info. According to it, the arrows fired by Artemis bring instantaneous death or diseases over the women it hits. The keyword here is obviously the latter effect. So that is what you should actually be working with, not some plain boring nonsensical missile effect. While you’re at it you could also attempt to dismantle the „it only targets women“-drawback by twisting symbols and such.

As for the sibling spell, remove it entirely. The main point of the bow should be choice and combinatory attacks, not doubled effect.

Guardian of the Youth is something I don’t fancy as well. You see passive effect spells are a problematic thing themselves. We were a bit lenient with Alex there, but that was mostly because it was his original main spell. However here I am going to be a bit more critical. The spell is basically always active, which is something I’ll outright reject. You have to perform rituals to activate spells, meaning you’ll have to do it willingly, not just project it on his lifestyle. Even with the Amakusa their blessings were embedded into their everyday actions, but they performed them with the goal of activating it and balancing out the strain on themselves.
Even if we ignored that, I don’t see where exactly this effect is supposed to come from. I’m kindly asking you to explain this to me in greater detail.

Hecate again? Recycling spells like you did with Goddess of the Hunt is occasionally quite good. I’m a bit disappointed that after you announced his main spells are all focussed on Artemis and Apollo this is what I get. There’s a difference between Hecate and Artemis, a heavy one even, so I don’t quite understand why you’re working with the association. Especially if it is as poorly justified as this. You could have simply described this as the third god his spell focusses on and that would have been way better. But like this, it feels like: HMMMM I COULDN’T COME UP WITH ANY MORE SPELLS FOR MY MAIN DEITIES SO I’M GOING TO ADD THAT ONE FROM MY ARCHIVES!!!

I also do not get the brushing his key thing. Ignoring the perverted second interpretation, it just lacks a meaning in itself. So you may wanna expand there.

Concluding my evaluation of his ability section there’s just one more thing: Does he feel like a Magician to you? To me he doesn’t. Yeah, he can do spells, cool. But his role in Necessarius is that of a tracker not of your average combatant. I don’t see anything showing that to me. Yeah, he can do hunting and stuff, but only by applying normal „everyday“ methods, none of which are magical. What point is there then in him having this role? I mean a Witch Hunter Organisation should require trackers that actually can use a witch’s methods against them, not just normal average skills.

I ask you sincerely to fix this, as this is what weighs down the profile the most right now.

IV. The General Stuff – Endroll or Bonus?

You should do your research better, you know. A beer garden is not a garden. It’s an outdoors restaurant with benches and lots of hedges to further the unique summer atmosphere.
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Post  Nikolas Remes Thu Jul 20, 2017 3:43 pm

Edits hopefully are done.

I'm ready for a second gutting.
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Post  Leivinia Birdway Sun Jul 23, 2017 7:26 pm

I have this odd feeling telling me this evaluation will keep lasting for another few weeks. At least I can tell that it won’t cease being exhausting.

I. The History – Why so complicated?

I don’t even know where to start here, again. We have a family, an international conflict somehow involving Magicians, said family being abducted, some villain and entirely messy connections.

While I’m still not entirely fond of the historical aspects to the history, I will push these back for the sake of actually researching that stuff properly. Don’t rejoice, though, I’ll be coming back for that.

My main focus for this phase of the evaluation will be pointing out that you’re overly exaggerating with the complexity his reasons for joining Necessarius carry. I mean, he’s basically someone who wishes to protect people and find out about what happened to his lost siblings? So why not make him join Necessarius to help other people not to go through the same fate. Or even simpler: join them to fulfil his very Magic Name. That’s as plain and simple as it could get.

I’m also not entirely enjoying the idea of Marko, who sounds like the most plot device-y character ever. He was killed by Nikolas, yet somehow survived, then abducted his family and left a love letter behind. That’s cheesy and pretty weak due to its messiness. In all seriousness, kindness, insanity and friendship why can’t you simply limit it to something akin to Nikolas finding his entire family missing, with the only hint left at their whereabouts being a broken arrow among the house’s ruins. That’s simple, straight forward and a bit more villainy. Still not perfect, but to give things more meaning a lot more may be rewritten…

Still, I’ll leave the history part at that for the time being, until the spells are done.

II. The General Combat Stuff – It’s hard to balance a character, but here we are again

Is this this again? In the end, I just have to repeat myself over and over again, I guess. The problem here basically is still the same as before, since logical downsides of something can not be weaknesses. What I mean is the fact that once again you used his combat style itself to justify a weakness, while that shouldn’t apply. Yeah, he’s a long distance fighter, good, but the obvious aspect of that being predictable shouldn’t be a weakness. Especially not with that set of spells, which reduce the predictability significantly.
I mean look, if I were a close combat type boxer then I’d only be limited to punching, which according to this logic is predictable as hell. If I mainly used as sword that would also be predictable, because all I could do is slash. And with an archer, well, all he can do is shoot arrows, so predictable.

HOWEVER: You could bring in close combat as his general weakness, as he doesn’t have the prowess, right? Just make it sound as though he is super vulnerable there and deal sealed.

III. The Spells – Gender Science

We are so back into the same stuff I mentioned before, it’s actually funny. Then again I might just charge towards entirely different concepts this time around.

Let’s kick it off withApollo’s Arrow again. Here I, for some reason, see you bring up the urge of twisting the gender symbolism for it, even though that shouldn’t be necessary. Never was it mentioned that Apollo’s arrows can only target men. That gender limiter had been an Artemis exclusive.

Besides that, why say the name of the target or even the crime they committed? That’s unnecessary fluff.

Not to forget that the idea of using his eye-sight as a limiter is stupid. It just draws too heavy a disadvantage from the whole deal. Imagine your target hid behind a smoke screen or simply ran around a corner, the spell would be countered immediately, basically defying its main purpose. My counter suggestion would be to limit the spell’s range by a number and have the arrow’s destruction or blocking function as the main point of defence against it. Another would more or less be for him to keep the bow in the correct position to resemble Apollo. That way the full lethalness of the homing effect would be enhanced, however the target would still be capable of escaping. Other methods of countering it could then include atonement for your crimes or something along that line.
Then again you could make seeing the target when launching the arrow a requirement, to go along with the idea of actually aiming for them.

Also can you explain to me in what exact manner the idea of the spell reflecting curses is justified?

On to the counter part, I need to admit I’m heavily confused by everything about it. What exactly is Artemis’s Arrow supposed to be? Sleep darts? That’s just really unambitious you know…

Why? You see Idol Theory does never draw out the 100% effect from mythology, but just a small fraction of it, depending on how well the copy of the item has been made. So with a human crafted bow-arrow combination that is laden with symbolism it should be a 10% at max, or even lower. Therefore there’s no need to worry about the death aspect and no need for twisting it towards sleep. No really, sleep is a bad idea in general, especially with the roundabout twisting you did there…

This spell’s execution is way too complicated, especially if the idea is basically on your hand. Diseases. Something that can perfectly weaken or slow the target down. You could just go with that instead of using an ugly semi-sure kill method.

After reading Guardians of the Youth for the third time, I still don’t understand anything. Why use that aspect as the baseline for a tracking spell to begin with? Looking at least Apollo up revealed to me that there’s no real connection between him being a god associated with youth and a guardian function. Furthermore bringing in Cronos feels odd and quite nonsensical to me, since neither is the exact method in that explained, nor does the equation make sense to begin with. Apollo + Cronos = ALL AGES? You could have simply gone with the implication that every human being is young in comparison to the world or something, if you were digging this.

Here I also do have a suggestion to make, since you actually brought something up in this description: Why not gun for the Helios aspect? He should be an all seeing entity that’s always up in the sky. You could pair that with the idea of him being one of the only two immortal beings that heard Persephone’s cries, along with Hecate and then see what comes from it. Just do me a favour and try to be less complex. As it is right now, you’re pretty much hindering your own progress.

I think at this point there is probably no spell I evaluated more than Goddess of the Hunt but let me admit, you have this habit of worsening your own situation to an exponential extent. Look, I was not even sure where exactly the foundation of this spell originally came from, before I looked it up again, only to notice that…you know…it’s just based on Hecate using watchdogs to guard certain areas. So for that purpose let the dogs wear collars with keys attached to them, command them to watch an area, light a torch and poof see what they see through the torch’s flame. Simple, straight forward, absolutely not complicated.

As for the last spell, which is Siblings of Deseases scratch it in accordance with the suggestions I placed for Artemis’s arrow. I’m not too fond of anything involving diseases too much and this one feels a bit too out there effect wise.
Oh, and please don’t attempt replacing it by another one. The current set-up is fine as it is.

IV. The General Stuff – Bonus Round II

Scars are cool, scars are edgy, scars don’t make any sense here at all. Why does he still have them? I mean, it can’t be because they just didn’t heal? I mean, otherwise he could’ve even had them heal by someone? I really don’t see the purpose, since as it stands right now they look more like something that’s there to be there, not for anything else.
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Post  Nikolas Remes Mon Jul 24, 2017 11:38 am

Going to keep a list of things edited here, so you can focus on the changes in question. Also some may have brief thoughts at the time of edit, to give you a better understanding what I was thinking. Going to take a simple approach to everything.

Edit history

  • Removed scars/burns, to be fair this was something I forgot to remove after the first incarnation.
  • Added weakness Hyperopia & Close-Combat. Thanks to Kohaku for explaining some medical things.
  • Added pair of glasses to appearance to respect the new weakness and the necklaces to respect the changes. Also included modern torched held on his belt.
  • Apollo's Arrow changes added. After doing some research I found two solid distances. The distance of 345ms is the first recorded shot for longbow according to research, the second distance is 370m which is what longbowmen believed to have reached in Edward III's time. To respect this and the thing you mention about enhanced I made it so he can reach a maximum 370ms by keeping the bow upright. Less momentum = less speed?
  • Artemis' arrow edited, the ability is based on a life experience actually experiencing a ''lose their sense of balance' due to an infection by the ear. So this experience I thought would be very effective at slowing anyone down. The time duration seems right and I thought to mimic the enhanced effect similar to Apollo by keeping the bow upright for Artemis thus guaranteeing a certain amount of time. Also thanks Kohaku for help nailing down the effects.
  • Guardians of Youth renamed to 'The Seeker' and edits made accordingly. Though wasn't sure how to entirely construct this one but had some idea and implemented it.
  • Goddess of the Hunt edited slightly to add the simple version. I hope using a modern torch in place of an old one would be alright.
  • Siblings Spell removed.

Note: The distance mentioned in Archery section is the longest distance Nikolas can perform for an accurate shot. The distance marked under Apollo's arrow is the longest distance ever shot by a longbow but not exactly an accurate shot. I got these number from some googling and choose the highest number as at this point he should've had years behind his belt at using the bow. So these numbers should be a feat he could, in theory, perform from experience alone. Well, that just my mumblings on it.

This little bit would be to answer any questions that you asked.

Also can you explain to me in what exact manner the idea of the spell reflecting curses is justified?
I think this was a classic case of misunderstanding what you previously read and took it the wrong way.

I’m also not entirely enjoying the idea of Marko, who sounds like the most plot device-y character ever.
Yeah, about that little bit.

Anyway, I hope this post proves useful to help to progress further. I do have to admit just like you this character creation thing is exhausting and I feel in my attempt trying to better than before I over thought many things. Trying to be detailed can be a double edged sword, so this time I tried to stay simple.

Anyway for the 2.5 round since history hasn't been touched yet as requested.
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Post  Leivinia Birdway Tue Jul 25, 2017 11:21 am

This change-log is actually quite a good idea from your side. I’ll use that to determine which points to tackle for the time being, instead of running through the entire thing over and over again.

In conclusion, everything mentioned in this post will only be meant in accordance to the idea of solely reviewing the points mentioned by you.

III. The Spells – This Phase’s One Man Show

Just a small pointer, but since you removed the combination spell, you should also get rid of the following part:
But those are only two modes of the bow, the third option is to utilise magics based on the overlapping mythological similarities between the twins. Upon switching between Apollo and Artemis he can stop in the middle when the bow is held horizontally. This creates an equilibrium effect that focuses on the overlapping spells like that both Gods are known to spread disease and to cure them.

OK, let’s kick off with Apollo’s Arrow again. Here my key idea is a suggestion: Why not make the limit the loss of momentum happening over the distance? Like not make leaving the range the final solution, but the arrow’s total flight distance. Maybe you already did that and I misunderstood, but you should know what I mean either way.

Admittedly I’m also a bit worried about the overall attack distance of this spell. Maybe you should make it a thing that the homing effect is cancelled out once he stops holding Apollo on top, since that would make it a bit easier to cancel out the rather annoying/life threatening effect on you as a target.

I’m usually not opposed to using life experience as a baseline for an ability, but in case of what you added to Artemis Arrow I need to admit that it feels rather…odd. Look, the idea of the arrow in general should be spreading diseases, which can be quite bad, considering the idea of instantaneous death being raised in the original lore. Go overboard, make it something severe, something that really drags people down, something which slowly starts to fade once the bow isn’t kept in position.
Just don’t leave it with the ear infection thingie; that just feels…odd. I mean being taken out by a random ear infection is too humiliating.

You did a good job on The Seeker (ignoring I’m having great difficulties actually digging the names), but I still do have a suggestion for that case as well. Why not make the effect such that the torch becomes akin to a magical magnifying glass allowing Nikolas to see everything in the target area, which he then again stores by using his eidetic memory, only to then sort out the information gleaned at in order to figure out not only the position of the target, but the entire area’s conditions as well?

Sole requirement in that case would be the scale of the map becoming the limiter. Like the banning too maps of too large a scale.

Furthermore she spell should only reach as far as the actual sun’s light, meaning it wouldn’t work at night or indoors (in case sunlight is blocked out in one way or another).

More of a flavour thing for Goddess of the Hunt as well. You could use the keys to switch between the doggies, by holding one key into the flame to establish the link or something like that.

…and that’s it for the spells? Good job so far, please continue on that way.
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Post  Nikolas Remes Tue Jul 25, 2017 3:44 pm

Edit History:

  • Edited Appearance again to add the modern torchlight. Forgot to add it previously.
  • For future purposes when we edit history, marked areas in red for critical removal as they relate to spells no longer existing. Purple for possibly expanding these small sections. Up for debate once we finally tackle it.
  • Removed the third mode from the bow, thanks forgot about it.
  • Apollo's arrow changes added, removed the idea of Enhanced and kept it at the max range of 370ms but added your suggestion about the position of the bow and it breaking the homing effect. This kinda makes this a channelling spell, creating a problem of positioning as it turns this could make the spell very easy to counter. But I think that actually should be the point, being an archer positioning is very important so you can't easily be stopped.
  • Artemis' arrow disease added to be less humiliating and dangerous. Though to be honest I find this one a tad troubling to achieve. So I put something on there and I'd imagine you maybe want time to how long these conditions take effect. But not sure so open to suggestions.
  • Changed 'The Seeker' name to 'Eyes of Helios' and added the changes suggested to take advantage of his memory.
  • Added the suggested flavour edit to the Goddess of the Hunt.
  • Made minor corrections to the arrows, to remove the poppy description from it.
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Post  Leivinia Birdway Fri Jul 28, 2017 11:14 am

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we're still at the spells.

I. The History – Historical Events and Everything

While I do have some complaints about the spells to remain, I will actually begin tackling the history now, as that might become as drawn out as the first part of the evaluation.

I see you mention a historical event and Nikolas’s own age at the time he got himself involved with that. That’s not good at all. We never defined an actual year for the forum to be set and we’d prefer to keep it that way for the time being. Therefore it isn’t that fun to see someone „impose“ a date, by adding his character’s actual age to a historical event. In conclusion, please do remove mention of that.

Not leaving of the topic of historical events here, I need to point out something very important: Nobody here should be expected to be a history expert, especially with the vast amount of events that has happened in the last 30 years alone. Therefore I would ask you to actually add a short explanation on what the Siege of Sarajevo was, to give all readers of your profile an insight. Furthermore since you actually involved Magicians into these events I’d also love to see some further explanation on how exactly that went down, since this should be a rather crucial information in terms of understanding the direction things took back then and to determine if this involvement of the Magic Side actually is sensical.

As for the rest, I’ll be waiting for you to adjust it to the spells.

III. The Spells – We’re still here

I’m kind of fine with what you did with Apollo, so there will be less barking here (even though I feel like 370m are quite some horrific range for such a spell). Just remember that it’s a homing effect always seeking the ideal path to the target~

But while one is a positive result, I do have my issues about Artemis’ Arrow, even now. Still, I do think if we go by the idea that being hit by the arrow is what actually triggers the effect, combined with the predicament that he’d have to hold the arrow in position, it probably lowers the severeness of everything by a good margin. Not to forget that there could always be creative counters to such effects, like all kinds of healing spells or cleaning your wounds (which would be applicable here). In tandem to that, I don’t think the disease itself should be contagious, as the effect should be linked to the arrow and only the arrow at all times.

What is it that I want to complain about here, though? Mainly Eyes of Helios. You’re getting the lore behind the spell wrong. In the original tale Helios simply noticed the ongoings, because he already saw everything that was going on, not because he was intently searching for someone or whatever. Therefore actual information on his target or whatever, is not suited to be a requirement for the spell’s actual execution. Being pointed at the location of said target is also nothing that fits with the tale you’re referencing.

The sole main aspect of this spell, in accordance to mythology, would be to see over everything down below and then figure out the details yourself.

Adding Demeter or Hecate to the actual symbolism would also be counter productive, since what you want is a spell based on Helios, not all those other gods involved.

Therefore please remove the corresponding paragraphs.
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Post  Nikolas Remes Tue Aug 01, 2017 7:11 pm

I think that's everything covered.

Edit History

  • History has been edited, everything in a red colour is new or edited content. Placed hidden tags at certain parts for staff eyes only, which serves to highlight hidden information regarding the history and possible routes for character development. I also removed mentions of Russian Orthodox involvement to loosen the tangled webs.

  • Apollo's arrow range clarified to mention a stagnating momentum limiting the range, that depends on the positioning of the caster.
  • Removed the contagious effect of Artemis' arrow and add a mention about healing magic and basic first aid treatment of wounds being effective against it and very least suppressing the symptoms.
  • Eyes of Helios fixed as suggested so it's basically a magnifying glass over the map.
  • Edited Character theme for an extra song.
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Post  Leivinia Birdway Sat Aug 12, 2017 7:09 pm

4368. That’s the number of words my evaluation document contained just before I typed the first words of this long awaited continuation.

And before I begin, I once again have to apologise for the rather drawn-out delay. This is getting out of hand, and unfortunately I do not see any way of healing the current situation.

I. The History – A complicated Mess

We had me say this before, but I honestly consider the idea of using the Siege of Sarajevo in context of a conflict between Magicians, a quite good idea, however, I do think you’re overthinking things once again.

Here we have not only a real world conflict that made history being infected by the background presence of Magicians, but one that was entirely caused by those. That, my friend, is not good. Look, this was a conflict that should have existed for the reasons it really happened and should have happened on this scale because of the normal world citizens, not because Magicians wanted it and led the charge. I am fine with allowing Magician interference, like some smaller groups or individuals pursuing their own goals, yet not a large scale one where we suddenly assume that Magicians have the same allegiance to a country as they do to the respective churches.

In theory the aforementioned should have been a thing unique to the UK, the Vatican and Russia, since those three basically have the churches directly involved into their foundation naturally. However going as far as to assume that this goes for every country in the world is a little bit too out there.

Therefore you should reduce the scale of the incident to a degree that actually feels way more realistic, by simply saying that some Magician groups were getting involved as well as they were fighting over leylines. A good base for a conflict could for example be the spread of religions in both Serbia and Bosnia. While Serbia is a mostly Christian Orthodox country, thus heavily aligned with the Russian Orthodox Church, Bosnia is a place where Islam itself is the strongest religion, followed by the Russian Orthodox and the Roman Catholic Church. Then, looking at this decisive difference between the two countries you could build a foundation by claiming that the respective churches held higher interest in keeping the leylines for themselves or something of the like; basically avoiding the cabal problems and all that. That way the explanation would fall onto the churches sending agents or tiny groups to Sarajevo to help push the conflict in a specific desired direction for their very own interests. That way the secrecy of the Magic Side would be way better protected, which then again would be way more realistic in context of the setting.

No large scale conflicts, no piles of dead Magicians, no overly complex justifications.

As for the rest of the history…I will tackle that once we have dealt with the Siege of Sarajevo part. After all, that one promises to become the next big issue.

III. The Spells – OPness of Helios

It didn’t occur to me until I read the new version of the history, but The Eyes of Helios is quite broken a spell. The way it is right now he could see everything everywhere if he just has a world map at hand, basically granting him some kind of God eye view.
That isn’t good, therefore more limits!

1. The amount of things he could see should strongly depend on the scale of the map. The larger the scale the less he would be able to make out, the smaller, the more. Like say, if he used an actual world map to cast his spell, he would have a view similar to someone sitting in an airplane. If he used a country map, he would already be able to get a kind of bird eye view, still blurry, but a bit more detailed and if he used a county or area map he’d already have a quite good view. The best view of course would be achieved via a town’s map.

2. This isn’t an actual limiter for the spell itself, but one created through logic, obeying the Magic Science Treaty he would have to use an actual paper map, since any electronic form would be a violation.
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Post  Nikolas Remes Wed Aug 23, 2017 3:28 pm

Change Log

  • Edited Helios spell to include the details of the paper map and the limitations. Hopefully, this edit is sufficient to explain the suggestion you put forward.
    It first requires a paper map of the location you want to search. This is important as depending on the map type the details he can see are either being blurry or the most distinctive. With the larger the maps, for example, the world map, will give him the worse view, however, all the way down to the map of a town will have the best view. This makes it highly efficient to acquire specific maps for the mission and is thus limited in searching range to the maps he has on hands unless he manages to obtain them while out in the field.

  • History has been edited entirely. I gutted the siege bit of the history and replaced it with something far more simple in my mind. Hopefully, it does well enough to achieve just that and makes it less complicated. Basically, they got caught in the crossfire as they didn't realise what was happening underneath the official conflict at the time. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Markale_massacres#First_massacre  <-- For reference to the massacre mentioned in the new history bit.
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Post  Leivinia Birdway Mon Oct 02, 2017 1:04 pm

After over a month, filled with absences, school stuff, private businesses and modwork, I can finally get back to this. Apologies for the delay.

We agreed on giving you the chance to make further edits to the profile, which I deemed entirely fine. However, you most certainly overdid that.

You may know, or you may not know, but we do have a maximum history length, which is settled at 7 paragraphs for Magicians. Usually I am a bit laxer in that regard, especially once Magicians or Dark Side characters are concerned and yet here I am pointing this out. After all being lax means permitting a few extra paragraphs, not 17 of them.

As a result of this mistake, I will ask you to shorten the history by a lot. Considering the point of laxness, I will allow you the chance to write an absolute maximum of 10 paragraphs and 1000 words. Stepping above will not be accepted.

Please try to break down the entire thing to a reasonable mass. Not only in terms of length, but also content. Judging by the experiences I made evaluating this profile, I am convinced that you are not cut out for the truly complicated stuff. Therefore please try to be way simpler. No complicated plot developments. No advanced plots. Just a fair and simple Magician profile like any other.
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Post  Nikolas Remes Sun Oct 15, 2017 2:53 pm

New history is written, 7 paragraphs and 925 words. Based on what we briefly discussed on Skype and expanded from that summary.

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Post  Leivinia Birdway Thu Oct 19, 2017 12:49 pm

While this didn’t take us 518 days yet, I must admit that I do want it off the table quickly. But looking at the current state of the profile, especially the newly rewritten history, I do feel confident.

I. The History — We are back

I do see some crucial development in this. You basically removed everything causing unnecessary frictions, returning the entire matter to something down to earth. There’s nothing overly ambitious or overly outstanding. And yet it feels complete.

Going through the history I realised that you left one aspect entirely unexplored. Nikolas is someone who is driven by the uncertainty of his sibling having been lost, to a degree where he was shaped by the fact that he never found an answer to the question of what happened to them. And yet, his mother leaving him and his father disappearing didn’t affect him at all, even though their destinies are pretty much as uncertain as that of the kid. Think about this.

There’s still one final pointer, though: Not passing Necessarius’s entrance exam is equal to death more or less. The tests are usually the kind where you either survive or die, since that’s the only two results the entire deal will have. I mean, technically a single time failure would somehow be doable, however multiple times is quite out there. Therefore I would suggest you changed the wording to something akin to: He underwent the exam, only closely avoiding death’s door and somehow ended up passing.

III. The Spells – Just Corrections

Since it has been quite some time since I last read through everything, I have determined it would be good to actually go over everything again, for completion’s sake.

With Apollo's Arrow I can see a mistake that has been present for the longest while. As we discussed, the momentum will be the decisive factor for the arrow’s endurance. This means the momentum it would have depending on the shot’s execution. This, however, isn’t only a question of Nikolas’ position, but every condition applying. So mind that, please.

Again, returning to Artemis’s Arrow after this long a time, I still have the same feelings I had in the beginning. Muscular dystrophy really isn’t the thing coming to my mind the first time I hear about a disease. In fact, can we even call this a disease that spreads just like that?
I’d suggest to go for something broader here. There’s a lot of common diseases that spread through contagion. Take the commonalities between those, like for example your body being generally weakened, headaches, whichever, and try to build something from that. A realisation of an abstract concept, that is.

IV. The General Stuff – BONUS

You describe Nikolas as tall, yet you give him a height of 1.70m. I think there’s some slight blunder in here.

Concluding this phase, I will be dropping a simple warning: I am not opposed to the pub being an outpost used by Necessarius to station their members temporarily, however I am against making it the centre station for Europe or Germany. There’s still various Anglican Churches spread all over, which in fact should pose as better main bases. Especially considering the fact that Nikolas is just a Necessarius member not a true Anglican believer. Please bear that in mind.
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Post  Nikolas Remes Wed Nov 01, 2017 2:21 pm

Change Log:

  • History update, colour tagged as red are the updates to the history covering the effect of his parents leaving and the test correction. Also reworded the bit when describing his pub as a base to an outpost.
  • Apollo's arrow I had added a minor line for the clarification you made.
    The arrow's momentum is key to its effective range and will constantly stagnate depending on where Nikolas stood but also other conditions that can affect an arrow's trajectory.

  • Artemis' Arrow new disease with staged added.
  • Height fixed
  • One character theme removed as video not available.
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Post  Leivinia Birdway Sat Nov 04, 2017 6:43 pm

I’ve got really bad news for you, my friend~!

[Magician] Nikolas Remes 68oi3ekl

Say bye-bye to your money~!

Somehow we got this done. Finally, after all those hardships Nikolas is approved! Finally, I’m free!!!

Let’s hope I didn’t overlook anything here, but it seems fine even after the one million reads this profile probably had in total by now. So go and have some fun, or something. I mean who would have thought this would ever get approved!? Just don’t overdo it.
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